Because of you
by lionesseshuntbetterinpacks
Summary: Because of you I learned to love again. Because of you I moved on with my life. Because of you I feel like I actually mean something to someone. The journey of Peeta and Katniss growing back together, getting married, and eventually having kids. Post Mockingjay, but before epilouge.
1. Chapter 1

**I know this is probably the least original idea, but it's sort of like a rule if you write fanfiction for The Hunger Games, you have to write on how Peeta and Katniss grow back together and their life after the Games and rebellion. lol. Anyway this is how I imagined Peeta and Katniss grow back together, I might go on how Peeta convinces her on kids but I don't know yet.**

**Katniss' POV**

I've been back in District 12 for a month now. And I'm absolutely miserable. Greasy Sae comes over twice a day to cook for me and Haymitch, well he's been drinking extra heavy to forget all of what has happened. I don't blame him, oh how I envy him right now. Just drink away his problems and forget about it temporarily. But I promised myself I would never drink again after my last experience. But lets just say that the alcohol tastes a lot better going down than coming back up.

"We need to fatten you up some." Greasy Sae says while she hoovers over the stove making some kind of soup. Her granddaughter, Anna, comes with her sometimes, she has dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I think she's four or five. I haven't had the guts to ask Greasy Sae on what happened to Anna's parents. I can assume that maybe they died in the bombings along with many District 12 residents did. I don't respond to a lot of what Greasy Sae says to me, I feel bad, because she tries to make some conversation. But she never gives up on getting me to talk at least some. "Have you talked to Gale or your mom lately?" She asks.

"No." I reply simply not wanting to talk about them. Especially Gale. Whenever I think of Gale, all I can think about is Prim and how Gale's bombs dropped. I don't blame him for her death, it's just that the possibility his bombs that killed her. The bombs that he designed back in District 13.

Greasy Sae gives me a bowl of the soup and brings it over to the wooden table in the kitchen. I haven't eaten much at all since I've been home, I'm not hungry. And that's the same case for me tonight. Not hungry.

"The leftovers are in the fridge. And if you want to talk to your mom or Gale, their numbers and mailing addresses are in the study by the phone." She tells me. And with that said, she left until the next morning where she'll cook me the breakfast that I don't eat. The study. Where President Snow warned me to show love for Peeta. Peeta. I haven't even seen him since my trial in the capitol. I've talked to Haymitch about him a few times, how he's in 13 getting some special treatment for his flashbacks. "And maybe you could take some over to Haymitch, you haven't seen him in a while."

She's right, I haven't seen Haymitch in a while. He's been over for dinner a few times over the last month, but he was drunk. He's probably passed out right now. But I feel like it's my duty to check up on him once in a while. He did get me through two Hunger Games and a rebellion alive so I at least owe him this. So I get a clear plastic container and pour the soup in it.

I walk through the long hallways leading to the front door pf my house. There used to be pictures of my family up there. My mom, dad and Prim. But slowly after many tears, I took them all down. I have no family left. Sure my mom is still alive, but would family leave me alone like this?

Haymitch lives next door, but I always look over at Peeta's house. Somehow hoping that he would come out and great me with a hug and maybe even a kiss. And his whole hijacking thing was just a dream. And there was no quell, and that Prim would still be alive. I shake that thought from my head, there is no use of wondering what could of happened. Because Peeta hates me, he thinks I'm some sort of capitol created mutt. But lets face it, there is probably only one or two people who _don't _hate me.

I walk up Haymitch's door steps and knock on his door. I wait about a minute outside without any sort of response so I open the door. It was unlocked, no surprise there. The farther I walk into his house, the more the alcohol smell is present. The smell makes me feel like I have to vomit.

I walk into the kitchen to open up some windows for some fresh air. I find Haymitch laying down on the table, with his knife in his hand. I used to think Haymitch was crazy to sleep with a knife, but that was before my first Games. Now, I don't blame him. It gives you some sort of security when you have no one else to give you that. Although physically we all have left the arena, mentally, we are trapped in there forever. So really, when you're reaped or volunteer for the Games, you're all guaranteed to lose, it's just how good of a loss you fight for.

I walk over to Haymitch and by his alcoholic smell and his body smell, I can tell he has been passed out for a while and no shower to add to it. I take a deep breath and walk over to him. "Haymitch." I shake his shoulder. No response. "Haymitch." I say louder, and still no response. I spot a bucket by his sink. I fill it up with ice cold water and pour it over him. This should wake him up.

Haymitch jolts up as a response to the water. He swings his knife around trying to 'kill' whoever was near him. He finally looks over at me, I'm standing in a corner in the kitchen. "What the hell Katniss?" He says, "How'd you get in here? There's this new thing, it's called knocking. Maybe you should try it sometime." He says in his natural sarcastic voice tone.

"Greasy Sae said I should take you some of the soup she made me for dinner." I say and hand him the container containing the soup.

Haymitch grabs a spoon that was laying on the table. I slightly gag at that not knowing how long it's been there or where it has been. "You know, Sae told me Peeta has tried to call you several times but you never pick up." Haymitch says. So he's the reason why my phone won't stop ringing on some days? Haymitch and I sit in an awkward silence until Haymitch speaks up again. "He really needs your help remembering things Katniss. I'll get letters from him asking me about certain memories, I give him the information I can, but it's really up to you if you want to see some of the old Peeta back."

"So." I snap back at him. I didn't mean to sound rude, but that's the type of person I am. And I hate myself for it.

"Just remember, if your situations were flopped, and you were the one who had been hijacked, Peeta wouldn't be treating you like this. He would be doing everything in his power to get you better. He deserves someone who is better than you. You could live a thousand life times and still never deserve him." Haymitch says, I don't know if this is really him speaking or the Drunken Haymitch, but either way, it's true. I don't deserve Peeta and I know it. But it's hard having someone constantly reminding you that.

Instead of picking another fight with Haymitch, I calmly leave, but I made sure to slam the front door so he knows I'm pissed. I walk home with my head dropping down, I really need someone to talk too. And as much as I don't want to talk to anyone right now, I need to fan out to someone. Someone who would listen to me.

Once I'm home, I walk to study where Gale's and my mom's phone number is. I don't know what happened to Gale, I know he moved to District 2 and got some fancy job there and my mother is in 4, probably helping out with the hospitals. But no one told me anything else.

I dial Gale's number first. _Ring. Ring. Ring. Hello, you have reached the voice mail to Gale Hawthorn of District 2 Command of Military. Please leave a message with your name and number and I'll try to get back to you as soon as possible. _

"Hi Gale." I say, I feel my arms start to shake a little. "This is Katniss, I really need someone to talk to right now. Call me back. Please?" I hang up the phone, my voice probably sounded like a little kid from the Seam asking it's mother for food, but not having any.

I look at the other number, it was my mom's. I didn't want to talk to her, but maybe we could have a small conversation? And at least try to have some kind of dysfunctional relationship. Nothing. I reached her voice mail too. "Hi Mom, it's Katniss. I really need someone to talk to right now. I don't know if you care about me right now but I really need you. I have no one else." I can feel my legs start to shake some too and the tears roll out of my eyes, "I just feel so alone right now. And I know everyone hates me in Panem for everything I've put them through, but I was hoping that maybe you didn't hate me." I have to pause and find the strength inside of me to continue on, "But please call me back. I have no one." I say. _I have no one? _It's true in a sense. I'm sure Haymitch won't care if I died, Greasy Sae would mourn but continue on. But I wonder how Gale or my mother would react. Or even Panem in general.

I slowly walk out of the study and into the living room. I sit up and bring my hands to my temples. "Stop crying Katniss. Stop crying. Stop shaking Katniss." I say to myself trying to soothe myself. I can see the medicine cabinet in the kitchen from the living room. When I got back to 12, my house was cleared from knives or any sharp objects, all medicines besides the ones Dr. Aruelius prescribed me for my depression and anxiety. Were they afraid I was going to kill myself? Harm myself? Well, they were right. Once they think I have gained my 'sanity' back, I'll have the 'privelage' of having medicines and knives and then I can kill myself. After all, I'm the one who doesn't deserve to live. After all of those lives that I had killed.

* * *

I must have fallen asleep on the couch, because I wake up to the smell of pancakes no doubt coming from Greasy Sae. I walk quietly to the kitchen because today I actually have an appetite. "Why is Miss. Katniss so sad?" I can hear little Anna ask her old and wise grandmother.

"Well, no one is sure of the exact reason." Greasy Sae replies to Anna. "Most of the doctors think it's because she wasn't mentally or physically able to handle all of what she went through because she was so young." Of course I wasn't ready to be traumatized like I was. No one can physically or mentally handle it regardless of age.

I started to make my footsteps heavier so it wouldn't be a surprise when Greasy Sae or Anna saw me. "I hope you feel better Miss. Katniss. I made this for you." Anna said and hugged my leg when I entered the room. She handed me a picture of me surrounded by flowers and some of them are primroses. Compared to Peeta's paintings, this is awful, ugly even. But it was still nice of her to think about me considering I may have killed her parents and she doesn't know it yet.

"Thank you Anna. I'll hang it on my fridge." I tell her. The smile on Anna's face lights up the whole room, and it even makes me smile a little. Not a big happy smile. But a smile.

At the table I pick at the pancakes, I have already ate one, and I'm not feeling too hungry but Greasy Sae said she wouldn't leave until I ate at least two. "I heard Peeta returned back here a few days ago." She says. I just nod. I'm not sure if I'm ready to see Peeta. But is he ready to see me? I do cause him all of this unnecessary pain. "Maybe I should invite him to have dinner with us tonight?" Greasy Sae says asking me.

"No." My voice cracks and tears threatening to escape my eyes. "I'm not ready to see him yet."

Greasy Sae sighs, "Okay, but you can't avoid him forever you know. He is your neighbor."

"I know."

After Greasy Sae and Anna leave, I'm once again all alone inside this oversized house of mine. I decided I wanted to go on a walk and go through town to see how the rebuilding is going. Hundreds of people have already moved back in the district, some previous citizens and some from other districts. I go upstairs and put on my hunting gear Prim got me for Christmas when we wear in this house. I look at myself in the mirror on the way out and realize how ruff I look. Matted hair, tear stained cheeks, gray under my eyes. I don't even bother to fix any of this because I have no one to impress.

* * *

The temperature outside is nice and brisk, it's almost October and the winter weather will soon be here for a few months. The Town Center is nothing like it used to be. The Justice Building was destroyed during the bombings, but was the first thing they rebuilt. Now it's made out of a scarlet red colored bricks. Many people look at me when I pass them. Some smile and wave. And the others look at me weird. But I give everyone a weak smile back at them. I wonder how people see me. A brave girl who lost everything? Or some selfish bitch who made others lose everything?

I look down at the ground and continue walking. "Oh sorry, excuse me ma'am." A familiar voice says. I look up immediately because I know who's it belongs too. "Oh hi Katniss." Peeta says. We make eye contact and I realize his eyes are the normal blue color. He has put on a lot of weight from the weight he lost during his time in the capitol.

I don't know what to do, I turn away from him and run to the Victor's Village where my house is at and I lock the door so no one can enter. I don't know why I made such a big deal about running into Peeta in town, it's not like I could avoid him forever. I guess I wasn't ready to meet him yet.

I look out the window and see Haymitch greet Peeta with a warm handshake and a hug. Part of me tells me that I should go and welcome Peeta home as well. But I couldn't get myself to move.

* * *

Over the next three months, I haven't talked to Peeta. But Haymitch and Greasy Sae tell me he's doing really good at controlling his flashbacks and how he hardly ever has them. But he really wants to talk to me, to clear up stuff that confuses him, that Haymitch can't confirm. My nightmares get worse and worse every night. Part of me wants Peeta to comfort me with his strong arms, but another doesn't because I'm Katniss. That strong independent girl who needs no one in her life.

Most of my nightmares are about Prim and Peeta. But I don't dare telling anyone because that will set back on when I can get rid of most of my medication and other stuff. I still speak with Dr. Aruelis once or twice a week though. And he thinks it's okay if I have knives and other medications in my house. He cuts me back on my depression and anxiety medication But little does he know on what I plan on doing with them.

I look at a knife that sits perfectly still in it's container. I picked it up and looked at the blade. _Perfect. _I bring the knife up to my wrist and I make a cut. It's not deep, but it does release some blood. It stings but it's a welcoming pain. I haven't cut in a long time. I used to cut, especially after my father died, I would become so stressed. I take the knife and place it up higher on my wrist, this time I cut a little deeper, I yelp in pain. But I'm so tempted to do it again. I bring it to my hips and start cutting away. I'm bleeding heavily, some cuts are deeper than others. But before I get too carried away, I get the pills and the rope. But I also get a pen and paper out so I can write my death note.

_Dear whomever this may concern,_

_I couldn't do it. I'm a coward. I couldn't stand to spend another day without Her. I'm so sorry for all of your lost loved ones that died from the war. It's my fault. Everything is my fault. _

_Mom, you abandoned me when I needed you the most. But, I still love you. Love can either make you or break you. But it looks like it broke both of us._

_Haymitch, you're my mentor, I hated you, you hated me, it was mutual. But we both cared for one another. Without you, I wouldn't have survived the Games. I'll be forever in your debt for that. And make sure that Peeta moves on and forgets about me. Make sure he becomes a dad one day. And promise me you won't drink your death._

_Greasy Sae, thank you for always taking care of me even when I didn't appreciate it. And making sure I had food for my family when I was younger. Please take my winnings and money and this house, you deserve it._

_Gale, you were my hunting buddy, my friend, my brother, but most importantly my confident. I love you like a brother. But you left me when I needed you the most. But I look at myself in the mirror and I would leave myself too. And don't forget, I don't blame you for Prim's death. _

_Peeta, I never understood why me. Why you loved me. I never thought a boy could love me especially when I couldn't love myself. I'm so sorry for whatever hell I put you through, I love you. As my last request, please promise me you'll move on. Find a new girl and have plenty of kids running around. And make sure they know who I am. Love you. _

_Bye forever, your Mockingjay, Katniss Everdeen._

I'm shaking by the time I'm done with my letter. I wonder how Panem will react to this news, I'm sure some were expecting it at some point. But I wonder how the people who are close to me would feel. Especially Peeta. Will this shatter him? I wonder how my mom will handle this. I'm starting to feel a little selfish, but move on. I grab the rope and start to tie it, I hang it from the ceiling fan in the living room, I pull up a chair and stand on it. About ready to jump off the chair when I hear the front door open. "Katniss?" The warm voice that Peeta has calls out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey! Thanks for reading this! I'll continue this story and make a sequel to it about Katniss and Peeta having kids. I'll update my other story, What If tmw, I'm just waiting for my friend to finish co-writing it. And should I write this story in katniss' POV as well as Peeta's? Please answer in a review. **

**Disclaimer, I don't own the Hunger Games**

I freeze in my footsteps when I hear Peeta's voice calling me. I can't let him see me like this. I try to get the rope off from around my neck but slip off of the chair, at first I panic, if Peeta does not find me in the next few minutes, I will die. But that is what I wanted right? To die? I can feel it becoming harder and harder to breath with the rope around my neck. "Katniss? Come on I know you're in here somewhere." Peeta says to whoever is listening. I want to scream or make a noise and let him know I'm here. "Katniss?" I hear his footsteps become louder, he's near.

"Peeta?" I say gathering all of the strength I had to say that.

I'm guessing he must have hear my weak voice because I make eye contact with Peeta, he takes a few moments to put the pieces together and realizing that I'm hanging myself to die. He rushes over to my side a lifts my skinny body up higher so I'm not hanging anymore. I take a deep breath and feel relieved that I can breath so easily now. He somehow manages to untie the rope that is around my neck, the cuts I made are still heavily bleeding, there is blood on my hardwood floor and all over Peeta, but he doesn't seem to care. I have my arms wrapped around him as he carries me over to the couch. "Katniss?" He asks cautiously as he lays me down, I look up at his caring blue eyes and I immediately feel guilty for ignoring him for as long as I have, for a few months maybe? "Why?" Is all he can say.

I start to feel guilty as well for doing this to myself. Just shutting myself away from humans, eating and drinking barely enough to stay alive. "I just couldn't live without her." I manage to spit out, Peeta's eyes wonder around the room, he glances down and finds my suicide note, he picks it up and reads it, I feel the tears become too heavy to hold in any longer, so I let them fall from my eyes, and soon, Peeta also has tears falling from his eyes too.

"I'm so sorry I let this happen to you Katniss. I should have came and checked on you. I had no idea about all of this." He tells me, I don't know why he's apologizing, I did this to myself.

Peeta gets off of the couch, "Wait don't go." I plead to him and grab his hand so he can't leave me. He can't leave, not now.

"I'm going to get a first aid kit so I can clean you up." He tells me motioning to my cuts all over my body. I nod reluctantly. A few minutes later, he returns with antibacterial cream, band aids, water and a wash cloth. I don't say much while he cleans up my cuts. After he's done bandaging them, he kisses all of them, each and every one of them. Even the ones on my hips, he kisses them to make them feel better. I used to do this to Prim and this would always make her stop crying a little.

He lays my head in his lap so he can play with my hair, we don't speak, But the silence is not awkward, but I do start to cry, not from sadness, but from happiness that I didn't succeed in killing myself. "Thank you Peeta." I blurt out of random.

He stops playing with my hair and I sit up so I'm facing him, "For what?" He asks confused but his eyes still caring as normal.

"For stopping me from killing myself." I tell him.

"You're welcome. Why didn't you come to talk to me or Haymitch during this time? We could have helped you through this instead of trying to do this yourself. It's too hard to do it on your own." He tells me.

"I don't know." I admit, dropping my head in guilt and from being ashamed. "I didn't want to burden you guys with my problems and demons while you were fighting yours. When you both lost so much more than I did. I didn't deserve anyone's help." I say the last part quietly, hoping that he wouldn't hear it.

"Oh my beautiful angle, you deserve so much more than what life has given you so far in your 18." He tells me and pulls me closer so my head is resting on his shoulders. I look up and we make eye contact, he leans in and so do I before our lips touch and we're kissing. Peeta's lips feels so soft and loving, just like how I remember them. I smile when we pull away.

"I love you Katniss. I've always have, you may not return your love to me, but never think you have to face your problems and demons alone, I'll always be here for you." Peeta tells me, once again he stuns me with how good he is with words.

"I love you too Peeta." I tell him honestly.

He smiles back at me, "But Katniss, if you don't mind, I have questions I need to ask you, so I can clear up some confusing memories I have. Dr. Aruelis says it's good for me and it's good for you too."

I don't want to answer Peeta's questions because that means I have to revisit some memories that I have been trying so hard to forget. "Okay. I'll help." I tell him. Because I owe him everything right now because I would have died without him right now. And I hear Haymitch's voice echoing in my head on how he would be helping me if I was the one hijacked.

So we sit on the couch for the next few hours, him asking me questions about both of our Games, some from in the Capitol during the war, our kisses, and even the kiss I've had with Gale, but I assured him that was a one time thing. And when I told him I loved him again, I could see his eyes and smile become overwhelmed with joy although he denies it when I ask him about it.

When I look at the clock, it's already 7 p.m., "I guess we could start on dinner." Peeta suggests. I nod in agreement because I can hear my stomach rumble, I can't remember the last time I ate, probably a day or two ago.

So that's what Peeta and I do, we make dinner. It's just some noodles, I think I enjoyed throwing the noodles at Peeta more than eating them. I smile and laugh a little, I can't remember the last time I laughed or smiled at all since I've been home. Most of my days are spent of me crying because I have no one. I tried calling Gale and my mom a few more times, but I always reached voice mail. At one point I even wrote both of them, but never got a response, that was a month ago. I mean how hard would it be to talk for five minutes or write a short letter to an old friend or your daughter who is currently depressed? My mom has always left me when I needed her, but I never expected Gale to also leave me when I needed him the most.

Peeta tells me some of his childhood memories and some funny stories that make me laugh, "But do you want to know a fact about my father, that you would never guess about him?" Peeta asks me.

"Yeah." I reply because I never thought Mr. Mellark had some facts or secrets like that. And my curiosity got the best of me.

"He hated squirrel meat." Peeta says.

"No he didn't." I tell him, not believing that, "He always traded or bought my squirrels." I argue back.

"He felt bad for you. He would throw it away after. Or take it down to the Seam to a family with kids who needed it." The Mellark men are truly some good and kind people.

I let that sink in. Mr. Mellark was a kind person, I knew that because that is where Peeta got his kindness from. But he traded good bread or money for something that he didn't even like. I give him a silent thank you, hoping he can hear me from wherever he is right now. "I wish I could tell him thank you right now." I tell Peeta.

Peeta shakes his head, "No need too. He liked doing it. I would always tell him on how I loved you, and if I would make eye contact with you or not. At some points he even gave me advice on talking to you, but I never got the guts too. I couldn't tell my mother that I loved you, she'd beat me for that. Once she found out about my crush, I didn't see the sun for a day or two. And my brothers would just laugh at me and tell me I'm forever alone and forever a virgin." Peeta stops talking and takes a sip of his water, "But I miss them. Even though my brothers and I would fight, I still loved them. And even my mother, even if she would beat me, she was still my mother."

The last part about Peeta's mother beating him and how he still loved her, I think about me and my mom. How I won't forgive her for what she's done to me. She caused me emotional pain, but Peeta's mother caused him physical and emotional pain too. "Well, they were wrong about you being forever alone." I tell him. I sort of regret those words as soon as I say them because I don't know what's going on with Peeta and me right now. If were dating or just friend with benefits.

After dinner, Peeta makes me take a shower. I try to oppose to him, but eventually give him. And once I'm done showering, I feel better, I can't remember when I took a shower last.

I get ready for bed, "Come on Katniss, I'll stay until you fall asleep." He tells me. I nod, but I want him to spend the night, so I don't have another horrifying nightmare. We walk up to my bedroom and I lay in bed while Peeta sits on a nearby chair. I pat the spot on the bed next to me so he'll lay down with me.

"Please stay." I beg him.

"I don't know Katniss."

"Please, I know you have nightmares too and you said it yourself that I won't or you won't fight your demons alone." I tell him. He smiles and kisses me forehead and lays down next to me. He wraps his muscular arms around me and holds me tight, he asked if he could take off his shirt and I didn't mind. He's stronger than I remember. I rest my head against his chest listening to his heartbeat that rocks me to sleep.

When I wake up I find Peeta playing with a strand of my hair, "No nightmares?" He asks me.

"No nightmares." I confirm and give him a kiss on his lips. I could get used to waking up like this everyday.

**Sorry on how short this is. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Thank you so much for the reviews, I read everyone of them and they all make me smile. If you want to see something happen in this fanfic or want to suggest something, feel free to ask me to include it.** (: **And sorry again for such a short chapter.**

Peeta starts spending the night every night and I only wake up from an occasional nightmare. I'm starting to grow out of nightmares while Peeta is starting to grow out of his flashbacks. Peeta reopened his family bakery and runs it from Tuesday through Friday. And I start to hunt more and more everyday. And eventually Buttercup found his way back, he died a few weeks ago, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'll miss that old ugly cat, he was really the only living thing left I had of Prim.

Peeta and I were sitting around the kitchen table eating breakfast and Peeta speaks up, "Katniss?" He ask a little nervously.

"Yeah?" I replied curious on what he was going to ask me.

"The Winter Fest is this afternoon, and I was wondering if you wanted to go with me?" He asks.

I think about this, we would be putting our relationship out in public. Well I'm sure all of District 12 knows we are dating, and probably most of Panem. "Sure." I tell him, "So is this like a date?" I ask him.

"It could be if you wanted it to." He replies back casually.

"We've never been on an actual date before." I point out.

"So I'm assuming this is a date?" He asks with some laughter in his voice.

"Yes." I walk over to where he is sitting and I sit on his lap, we start to kiss, each kiss I feel a hunger grow inside of me, I want more of Peeta right now. I wonder if he feels it too. But we've never talked about sex, we're ready to give ourselves to each other physically, but mentally, I think we need some more time to heel.

At 3 o'clock, Peeta and I walk hand in hand out of the Victor's Village to town where the Winter Fest will be taking place. The closer we get, I can see a lot of rides and tents of food and games to play. We stop at a dart throwing game. "Peeta, you're not going to win anything." I warn him before he spends a lot of money on a dumb game.

"Yes I can Katniss." He replies back concentrating on throwing the perfect shot.

I was wrong, he popped three balloons with three darts, "I stand corrected." I mumbled.

"What's that?" Peeta asks as he's receiving his stuffed teddy bear, "Did Katniss Everdeen admit she was wrong?" He asks in a joking tone.

"Shut up." I punch him playfully in his arm.

"For you." Peeta says handing me the bear. He grabs my hand and we move on to our next stop. We stop at a farris wheel, where basically you're in a little basket type thing and then you just go around in circles really high up. At one point, Peeta and I were stopped at the very top, and at that moment, Peeta and I took advantage of it and started to kiss a little. I didn't care if the whole District 12 or Panem saw us, I wanted them to know that Peeta is mine, even though we've been torn apart so many times.

We stay and ride a few more rides before we start our walk home, on our way we stop by and play with some golden retriever puppies. "Wouldn't it be nice to have one Katniss?" Peeta asks me while we're playing with one of the puppies, "Buttercup just, you know, and it'd be nice to have another living thing in the house."

"I don't know, they're a lot of work. And they're really hyper." I say not sure if we're ready for a puppy.

"Just think about it." Peeta says simply as we walk back to our house.

* * *

I undress myself to take a shower like every night, the warm water runs all down my body. I can't but thinking about my future with Peeta. I want to get married, sort of. But that will lead to kids, and I do not want kids. Because, what if I fail them? Like I did to Prim. What if Peeta suddenly dies and then I become my mother? I just cannot allow that to happen.

I stay in the shower a little longer than normal but eventually go on to bed with Peeta's arms warding away my nightmares. The next day, which is Monday, Peeta and I go on a picnic in the meadow and then check on Haymitch. How Haymitch's liver has not failed him yet, the world will never know, but he's alive and breathing. Although heavily drunk.

When Peeta goes to work at the bakery the next day, I decided on to go back and get a golden retriever puppy, we need something to take care of. I've heard these things are just like kids, so maybe I can distract Peeta from having kids for a while with this dog. Pathetic, I know, but it's worth a try.

I head back into town trying to stay away from the bakery so Peeta can't see me or some of his few workers he has hired to help him run the place. I decided to get a little female puppy who was the runt of the litter, I don't name her yet, I want Peeta to help me with that.

I cook dinner for us, which is a chicken ceaser salad. I put a red bow around the dog's neck and a poster that reads 'suprise' on it. It's not an original way of surprising someone, but it's better than nothing.

"Katniss, I'm home!" I can hear Peeta yell as he walks in through the front door.

"In the kitchen!" I yell back. He walks heavily into the kitchen, I had the dog sitting, but once she saw Peeta she took off after him.

He smiles at me when he realizes that I got a dog for us. "I see we now have a dog." Peeta says, "What's her name?"

"I wanted to wait and name her together when you got home." I reply back at him.

"How about Lucy?" He asks me. I nod.

Peeta sits down to have dinner with us and we feed Lucy. Later that night when we're in our room for bed, "Where is Lucy going to sleep?" Peeta asks me.

"I bought her a crate when I was in town, the breeders said it would be good to crate train her." I tell Peeta. He nods and we drift off to sleep.

Nothing exciting happens in the next few months, Peeta runs his bakery and I hunt. And sometimes Lucy will follow along with me. She'll help me find bunnies or squrials. Peeta and I start to get into a serious relationship. We've never really talked about marriage yet, but we both know it's something we both want to do in the nearby future.

I completely forget about my birthday until Peeta surprises me with a cake and a beautiful gold necklace. I haven't talked to Gale or my mom, they've never bothered to return my phone calls or letters. I don't need them anymore, I have Peeta, and sometimes Haymitch. And that's enough.

On June 21, President Paylor announces that this date will be a national holiday, it's the day that the Reapings took place and that the people who died in the Hunger Games deserved to be honored, they destroyed the arenas, but the arena was used during my Games, it's a monument that when the kids learn about the Games, they'll visit an actual arena. But in every arena, there are statues made of each tribute honoring them. And on July 4, is also a national holiday, Independence Day, the day the war ended.

* * *

Peeta and I walk hand in hand through town with Lucy running in front of us, we've taught her a few tricks and she knows when we're going to the meadow, she loves it out there. She grows everyday. Peeta and I are walking to the meadow for a picnic, it's a summer afternoon in late July. The electric fence was taken down and replaced by a new one and this one has a gate so I don't have to crawl under the fence to get into the woods. The walk to the meadow from the woods is about one mile each way, but it's not that bad.

Peeta and I walk under our favorite tree in the meadow that overlooks the lake, the lake house my father built is still there, I normally don't use it, but it's still holding up pretty well after all of these years. Peeta lays out the blanket and gets out the food, Lucy sits on the edge of the blanket chewing on her bone, when something shinny catches my eye and I look up and it's a ring? Peeta notices what I'm looking at and he gets down on one knee, "Katniss Everdeen, I've loved you since the very first day of kindergarten, when you sing, even the birds stop to listen just like when your dad would sing. You're most beautiful, kind, caring, and brave girl I've ever known. I mean how many 18 and 19 year old people say they have survived two Games and lead a rebellion? Not many. We both have lost so many people in our lives, but as long as we have each other, we'll be fine. We've been to hell and back with each other, nothing has been able to separate us, no matter how hard the capitol tried, we always ended back together, so Katniss, you're going to marry me, real or not real?"Peeta asks.

I'm blown away by this flawless speech or monologue Peeta just gave me. "Real." I tell him and kiss him passionately. Peeta unties the ring from the string that is hanging from the tree branches and slides it onto my ring finger. And it's perfect, the way it shimmes when the sun hits it. It's perfection.


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the long wait, but this really long chapter should make it up?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games those rights belong to the lovely Suzanne Collins :)**

Peeta and I make dinner that night together, dinner consists of noodles. Let's just say a lot more noodles were thrown at each other then what made into our mouth. "I'm going to take a shower." I call out to Peeta who is cleaning the dishes that were used tonight. And Lucy helps him clean up by eating the noodles on the floor.

"Okay." Peeta says. I walk upstairs and all the way to the end of one of the hallways upstairs into the master bedroom that Peeta and I share. I walk into the ginormous room, painted a neutral gray color with the mahogany colored furniture with our wooden floors and to top it off with an attached master bathroom. This house has more than enough room for Peeta and I, this house would be perfect for a large family... a large family that Peeta so desperately wants... But what I cannot give...

I strip off my clothes that are somewhat muddy and make a mental note to myself to wash these tonight. I turn on the shower's water to as hot as it could go, I let the water cascade down my body. I hear the bathroom door open and the noise makes me freeze dead in my tracks. Before I can see who it is, I see Peeta standing in front of me. Instinctively I use my arms to cover up my boobs, before I can do that, Peeta grabs both of my wrists, "It's only me." He whispers in my ear which sends shivers down my spine. He's right, it is only him. But I'm still not comfortable with him looking at me naked even I'm not comfortable with that. I'm too ugly to be seen naked, he if it was just me.

"But the scars, they're so ugly and they consume my whole body and..." Peeta shuts me up with a kiss. After we pull apart and I rest my forehead on his.

"And I think they're beautiful." He says and shows me some of his that also take over his body.

I look at Peeta, he has scars, just like me. I also look at his well defined ab muscles and his bicep muscles, only in his arms I feel completely safe. He must have read my mind because at that time he opens up his arms and I walk into them with the warm shower water cascading down both of our bodies. He starts to gingerly kiss my neck. I start to relax more into him. "Are you listening to me?" Peeta says laughing.

"What? No, no sorry." I say a little embarrassed from not paying attention to him.

"I said, can I wash your hair?"

"Oh, yeah um sure." I'm not sure what to say. no one has washed my hair before, my mom has once or twice and maybe even Prim has, but not many. I hardly could even afford to wash my hair. Peeta runs his hands through my hair, it's not as long as it used to be, but its still pretty long. He gets it wet before putting the shampoo on it. He massages my scalp, rinses it and repeats the same process with the conditioner. I'm so relaxed, that I didn't want to move.

"Katniss, I do think you should tell your mother about the engagement." Peeta says randomly while I wash his hair. I pay close attention to how his dirty blonde hair curls at the ends a little.

"She doesn't care. I've tried to call her and write her even, but she never responds." I say disappointingly, "And she doesn't care about me anymore. She has her own new life. So she can forget about me." I say the last part quietly.

"But she is still your mother." Peeta replies. He's right. After all my family and I has been through, she was still my mother. The one who gave birth to me, the one who gave me Prim, the one who partly took care of Prim during both of my Games, in 13, but she failed to be there for me when I needed her the most. Like the first few months I was back in 12 after the war. Would it have been so hard to call or write your daughter who was suicidal everyday? I don't think so. But I promise Peeta that I would call her once we get out of the shower.

We finish showering after a few more kisses, we're sitting down by the phone in the study. I take a deep breath and look over at Peeta, he nods his head. The study. The same study President Snow was in when he told me I had to prove my love for Peeta. I shiver at the cold and harsh memory. I start to dial the number on the board. The phone rings for a while before I hit her voice mail...again. "Hey Mom. It's Katniss." Who else would call you 'mom'? "Me and Peeta got engaged, I thought you would want to know. I know you may not care about me now, but I really would like to talk to someone. Have a female figure still in my life. Someone who is my mother... I love you." I felt the tears stream down my face. At some point Peeta has came up behind me and wrapped his arms around me.

"She doesn't care about me anymore." I choke out.

"Oh I'm sure she does, she's probably just busy in the hospital." Peeta comforts. Yeah, just busy. Like all of those other times I've tried to call her.

"Maybe, but I've tried calling her so many times and I always get voice mail. She's abandoned me when I've needed her the most. Like when I first came back home from when the war ended, she left me. Like always." I say. Peeta doesn't say anything but calms me down. At some point Peeta and I make it back up to our room.

* * *

I wake up to a loud bang somewhere downstairs. I roll over expecting to find Peeta sleeping right beside me. When all I feel is an empty and cold mattress and start to panic. I relate that noise coming from downstairs is probably Peeta who is in the kitchen I bet. I glance at the alarm clock, 5 a.m. He doesn't even get up this early when he has to go work at the bakery. I slip out of bed and walk down the stairs into the kitchen. As I become closer and closer to the kitchen I can hear more and more things being thrown and some mumbling.

As I approach the kitchen I make out the voice, it belongs to Peeta. I approach him from behind walking quietly. I tap him on his back and he jumps. He turns around to look at me and I can't see the warm and comforting blue eyes but a dark color that overtakes it. "Peeta?" I ask him in confusion. The last time I saw him like this was back in 13 when he was having a flashback... Crap, a flashback. Not isn't the best time for one, when it's too early for people to be around and no one around..

"You killed my family." Peeta says. "You Mutt!"

"Not real Peeta. I promise you not real. Whatever you're thinking isn't real." I plead to him.

"YOU LIAR! YOU EVEN HAVE THE SCARS ON YOUR WRIST FROM WHEN YOU KILLED THEM!" He screams at me.

The scars he's talking about are the ones from when I tried to kill myself. "Peeta I swear to you it's not real. We're engaged to be married." I tell him calmly and show him the ring on my left ring finger.

"What guy would want to marry you? You're a filthy slut." His words sting me more than anyone can ever know. "And since you killed my family, it's my turn to kill you." He says. He grabs a knife in the kitchen, I start to panick, and Peeta knows he has the upper hand right now.

I start to slowly back up, and I find myself into the dining room. "Don't worry, the sooner you let me kill you, the faster I'll kill you." The darkness in his eyes still there.

"Not real Peeta. Not real." I keep repeating to him and back up. But he slowly walks forward as I back up. I feel the wall of the dinning room behind me. This is it, he's finally going to kill me. He walks closer knowing that he has me now, he takes the knife up to my hip and starts to pierce the skin, it isn't deep yet, but I can still feel the blood trickle down my waist. For some reason, Peeta looks behind him, I take that as my only chance to escape. I run out of the dining room and out the front door. I don't know if Peeta is following me or not, but I don't look behind. I run up the front door steps to Haymitch's house. I don't bother to knock because I'm sure he's knocked out from whatever drinking he's been doing.

To my surprise, Haymitch is actually awake? This early? "Sweetheart, I thought we have been over this before. There's this new thing that you should try sometime, it's called knocking. And some people would greatly appreciate it." He jokes.

I'm not in the mode for any jokes at this moment. "Peeta's having a flashback. And it's a bad one." I tell Haymitch. Haymitch stops his laughing and looks at me.

"Did he hurt you?" I showed him the knife cut on my hip from the knife. What he does next actually surprises me, he cleans my cut. "Stay here, I'll go calm the boy down. You can go and sleep some on the couch." Haymitch tells me and then he leaves. I want to follow him and tell Peeta I'm here for him but right now, I can only hope for the best. Whatever the best will be.

* * *

I wake up on the couch from the sun pouring in from a nearby window. I rub my eyes making my vision no longer blurry. I then recall the events of what happened early this morning...Peeta's flashback. I listen around the house for Haymitch but I guess he's still over at my house with Peeta. It's probably not the best to see Peeta right now after all that happened, but I need to know he is okay.

All of the Victor's homes have the same layout, so it's not hard to find my way around Haymitch's house. I carefully walk up our porch steps and into our house. The front door was unlocked. I walk farther into the house until I come across the kitchen with Peeta and Haymitch sitting around the kitchen table. "Katniss?" Peeta says when we make eye contact, "I'm so sorry are you okay?"

I run into his arms, his welcoming arms. "I'm fine." I mumble into his chest.

"No you're not. Haymitch told me about your hip. How deep is it? Should we go to the medical center?" He suggests. The thought of going to the medical center reminds me of being back in 13 or back in the capitol when they repaired us from our scars from our first Games. And I'm not going there until I'm dying and even then it might be debatable.

"I'm fine, really. It's not deep. It shouldn't take long to heel." I reply back to Peeta.

When Haymitch leaves, Peeta and I sit on the couch, I lay down with my head in Peeta's lap, he carelessly plays around with my hair. "Do you still want to get married?" Peeta asks. I don't know what kind of question that is.

"Of course I still want to get married. I could have killed you earlier." He tells me back.

"But I truly believe you couldn't kill me. Even if you were in the middle of a flashback. You don't have it in you." I tell him.

He sighs, "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't, I promise." I promise him. He leans down and plants a kiss on my lips.

* * *

When we tell Haymitch about our engagement, he laughs at first, not really believing that we are truly going to get married. But after we tell him we are really serious about it, he congratulates us. It's a small wedding, we told Plutarch he could film some of it, but if he promises us that he'll leave us alone. Peeta and I struggled on who to invite to see the actual wedding.

"Katniss, you have to invite your mother." Peeta tells me softly, "You'll regret it if you don't."

"Peeta, she hasn't answered my calls since I've been here or my letters. She won't answer this one so there's no point in wasting the time." I argue back at him.

"I'd do anything for my family see me get married. Especially my mom, who always told me I'd be forever alone. Or my brothers who told me I would never marry you." I can see the tears start to form in the corners of his eyes. And in that moment, I write her an invitation to our wedding with my mother's address on it. We end up inviting the workers in the bakery, Haymitch, Annie and her son Finn, Johanna and her boyfriend, Effie, my mom, some of the District 12 residents and even Gale. Tyler, one of Peeta's workers at the bakery, his daughter will be our flower girl. Originally Peeta hired Tyler because he and his wife are both 17 and were struggling to make end's meet, but it turns out Tyler is a very good baker.

Peeta and I spend the next few months planning our wedding, we decided to make our official date May 1, because that's the day he threw me the bread. I look back at that time and how far we have came since then. We reserved our wedding ceremony right outside of the new Justice Building and the reception will be in the meadow. Peeta is going to make the cake. Effie was ecstatic when we told her she could plan our wedding.

* * *

_"You forgot me Katniss." Finnick says. _

_"No I didn't." I reply back in tears._

_"And me." Prim's voice says. _

_"And me." It's Rue's voice now?_

_"And me." _

_"And me." _

I snap out of the day dream, "Peeta, I want to make a book." I tell him while we were laying in bed exactly two months before the wedding. I still haven't found a dress, but Effie wanted to take me dress shopping so I promised her we would go together.

"Sure. What kind of book?" Peeta asks me looking over at me.

"A book. To remember all the people who died. The people in the war, tributes during our Games, tributes during Haymitch's mentoring years, our families. We need something to remember them by. An exact description of them. So we don't forget them. And you could paint their picture?"

"We can start tomorrow." Peeta confirms and kisses me goodnight.

I wake up before Peeta does and I gather all of the things we would need in order to make this book. I call Haymitch and invite him over for breakfast and there we will ask him if he wants to help us make the book.

* * *

"Absolutely not." Haymitch says calmly when Peeta and I ask him to help us.

"But they deserve to be remembered. Like everyone else who died." I argue back at him.

"That's true. They do. But you know what? I do deserve my sanity." He yells back and walks out of our house making sure to slam the front door.

"We can do what we can with the memories we have." Peeta comes up behinds me and whispers that in my ear. I nod in agreement. We start our book. _Jack Everdeen. _Peeta writes in careful handwriting. We also wanted to make a description of them so we won't forget an important detail about them. _A kind loving father. Kept Mother sane. Taught me how to use a bow. Worked in the mines. Loved to sing. Would do anything to keep his family safe. _The next page we did Prim. _Primrose Everdeen. Beautiful, looked like a Town person although she was from the Seam. Caring and would always see the beauty in everything like Buttercup. _I have to hold back my tears doing this book. Peeta paints a picture of all the people in this book capturing every detail perfectly.

Peeta and I do this everyday for a few hours, slowly adding people who were important to us or that we knew. _Madge Undersea. She gave me the Pin, that gave me my name. Kind and caring and never acted like she was rich. Truly was good at heart. _When we describe Rue, I cry, just remembering the poor and innocent girl that only wanted to go back home. Just like all of us... We just wanted to get back home.

* * *

The weeks leading up to our wedding were hectic, with all of the planning and invitations we sent out. Reserving the Justice Building area and cleaning up the meadow some. The day Effie arrives, Peeta is at the bakery, probably working on our cake. "Oh Katniss, it's so marvelous to see you!" Effie squeals as she hugs me. She carries a box filled with something. "Well hello deary. What's your name?" Effie asks fussing over Lucy.

"Her name's Lucy. What's in the box?" I ask with curiosity taking over.

"It's a wedding dress. I want you to try it on." Effie replies, I don't want to try it on, because it was probably some crazy capitol dress. But I try it on just to be polite.

It's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. It's a mermaid style gown, with some lace up top. The dress hugs my curves and comes down a little lower showing more cleavage than I normally do. It's almost like the type of dress Cinna would have made me for my wedding day if I did ever get married.

I run my hands down the side of the dress and feel a piece of paper? I grab the piece of paper and unfold it. I skim the note, I can recognize this handwriting.

_Katniss, _

_ If you're reading this then more than likely I am dead. But on the brighter note of this, you're getting married. And I'm so happy and proud of you You followed your gut. You've always loved Peeta, everyone could see it but you. Let me guess, the groom is Peeta? Please don't be mourning my death, if everything went according to plan, you lead a rebellion! You stopped the Hunger Games and saved millions of future lives. Just focus on that. And you should be really proud of that. Accomplishing more than many do in their life. _

_ I originally made this as one of your wedding dresses for the capitol leading up to the Quell, it was my favorite, but when I found out about the Quell, I decided not to put it up for show since I did hear them talking about how to end the Quell and everything. Make sure you give everyone a hug and kiss for me. I'll always be here for you Katniss, even if you can't see me. Remember, Girl on Fire, I'm still betting on you._

_ -Cinna_

I feel the tears in my eyes threatening to pour out, he knew about the Quell. He knew that he would be important and would need to sacrifice himself in hopes of a successful rebellion. He deserves more credit than anyone will ever give him.

I walk outside of the powder room to show Effie who was sitting on the couch looking through some tabloids on the table. "Oh, you look beautiful in it. I was given this by Ceaser. Cinna and Ceaser worked very close going into both of your Games."

"This is the dress I'm going to wear. It's made by Cinna." My voice cracks at the mention of Cinna, but Effie comes up to hug me as a sign of comfort. Effie shows me all of the food and decorations for the wedding that's planned, it's a simple and traditional wedding, but modern and beautiful.

"Thanks." I say and smile clenching the note I found in the dress.

* * *

On the morning of the wedding, Effie rushes Peeta out of the house to get ready with Haymitch, while Effie gets me ready. I dress myself in the dress and add a pearl necklace with it. Effie curls my hair a little and leaves it down but gently pulled out of my face. Effie applies some make up but I made her make me look as natural as possible because that's when I feel my best and this is how Peeta likes me to look. Little or no makeup at all.

At exactly 11 o'clock, I am escorted to the Justice Building, right outside of it is where our wedding ceremony would take place. And just like Effie had planned, the decorations were a white color with the color of a yellow primrose. All of the flowers are primroses to honor Prim. What I would do to have her here right now...

I look down the isle and see Peeta waiting for me there. We make eye contact and I nervously smile. Haymitch is waiting for me so he can walk me down. And Effie takes a seat among our guests. I haven't paid attention to who actually showed up yet. I have a smile on my face the whole time I walk down the isle and when Haymitch 'drops' me off where Peeta is. He looks handsome is ever.

During the ceremony, I look around in the crowd. I see Johanna and her boyfriend Micheal, Annie and her young son Finn, Tyler and his young family including his daughter, Addalynn, who was our flower girl, a few District 12 citizens, and even Gale and his girlfriend Leah. An older women sat in the corner, away from everyone else, I know that blonde hair anywhere. My mom. My mom actually came to my wedding?

"Peeta please place the wedding ring on Katniss' left ring finger." The preacher says. Peeta gets out the ring and places it on my finger. When I see it, I gasp. Is it really the same one? Instead of having a diamond, it's a pearl. The same pearl he gave me on the beach? I don't know. But Peeta knows me too well, he knew I would prefer a pearl over the diamond. Also on the gold band is small diamonds. "Now Katniss, place the ring on Peeta's finger." I do. His ring is much simpler, it's just a gold ring. But on the inside, it's engraved 'always'. I wanted to add a personal touch on it.

"Now Peeta, please recite your vows." The preacher says.

"Katniss, I've had a crush on you everyday since we were 5 years old going into our first day of kindergarten. I can even remember what you were wearing, a red plaid dress, two braids instead of one. I love you with all of my heart, I always have. For most people, the Hunger Games tear people apart, but in some strange way, it brought us closer together. And in a way, I have to thank the Games. You're the most beautiful girl in the world. I wish you could see you're beauty, but for some reason you can't. But I can and I love it. You saved my life in the capitol stopping me from taking the pill. And in both of the Games we saved each other. I would do anything for you. We may have our fights at times, but you and me, we're forever together. Okay?" Peeta recites his vows, I have tears in the corner of my eyes, which he wipes with a tissue.

"Now Katniss, it's your turn." The preacher says and turns to me.

"Well, I didn't practice this like Peeta did." I say and the guests let out a chuckle. "And I'm not good with words. But I love you Peeta. I guess I did leading up to the Quell, I just didn't want to because the capitol wanted me to and I wanted to do whatever to disobey them. I may not show you or tell you daily how much I love you, but I do. With all of my heart. I wish Prim could be right here right now because she would love to see us get married. Like you said, the Games brought us together. You were there for me during the darkest parts of my life, including where I tried to kill myself. Thank you for stopping me. You were right, it does get better. It really does and you get stronger on the journey as well. You're my rock, and I have no clue where I would be without you. I love you, to the moon and back." He smiles at me and like he did to me, I wipe his tears from his check.

"Now Peeta, do you take Katniss Everdeen to be your lawfully wedded wife?" The preacher asks.

"I do." Peeta says never breaking eye contact.

"Katniss, do you take Peeta Mellark to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The preacher asks me.

"I do." Peeta smiles at me and I can't help but to smile as well.

"I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

We both lean in for our first kiss as husband and wife. I can hear the guests give their round of applause. I can only imagine how the viewers watching this in Panem are reacting.

After the ceremony, all of the guests including Plutarch and his filming crew make their way to the meadow for the reception while Peeta and I sign the papers for our marriage license.

"Sign where it says too and read the paper, Katniss go into the room to the left and Peeta to the one on the right." Mayor Green says. Mayor Green survived the District 12 bombings. He helped some of the citizens escape and helped Gale

I skim the paper and write 'Katniss Everdeen' on one line then on the line next to it, I write 'Katniss Mellark'. I smile at the 'Katniss Mellark' part of it. It has a nice ring to it.

I walk out of the room and hand the papers to Mayor Green. I see Peeta waiting in a chair for me to come out of the room. When he sees me he gets up and hugs me tight. I put my arms around his neck and hold him tight as well.

"Let's go join our guests in the meadow." Peeta says and takes my hand and leads me to the meadow.

* * *

When we arrive in the meadow, the area is gorgeous. The place has wildflowers planted everywhere. The eating places are beautiful and so is the 'dance' floor. Normally, in District 12, you had a small ceremony, went to the Justice Building to sign the papers, if can be afforded a cake, and then the toasting. But as Effie and I were researching, the countries here before us, Canada and America, they normally always had a dance floor. And Peeta and I thought it would be something different, that not everyone would have at their wedding.

The table clothes are white, but they have some yellow in them as well. The flowers in the center pieces are primroses. Effie did a really nice job at keeping it non-capitol like.

I spot my mother, she's talking to Hazel Hawthorne, Rory, Vick, and Posy. The four of them stayed back in District 12 while Gale went to 2. I don't talk to them much anymore, but it felt like it would be a crime not to invite them. "Go talk to her." Peeta whispers in my ear from behind.

"I will. I promise." I say quietly back to Peeta. But that promise was more for me than it was for Peeta.

"Everyone listen up please." Effie says standing on a chair? Oh boy, let's hope she doesn't fall wearing the heels she's wearing. "I have a very special singing group all the way from the Capitol! Peeta and Katniss please make your way to center of the dancing floor."

I look at Peeta and he shrugs, and we walk over to the dancing floor. "I dedicated this song to me and my little sister when we were in Snow's front yard during the bombings, but this also reminds me of Katniss and Rue in the Games but also Katniss and her little sister Prim." The girl says who can't be older than 15. Peeta places her hands on my hips and I place my hands around him and lean in so my head is resting on his shoulders.

"I_ remember tears streaming down your face_  
_When I said, "I'll never let you go"_  
_When all those shadows almost killed your light_  
_I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"_  
_But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight_

_Just close your eyes_  
_The sun is going down_  
_You'll be alright_  
_No one can hurt you now_  
_Come morning light_  
_You and I'll be safe and sound_

_Don't you dare look out your window, darling,_  
_Everything's on fire_  
_The war outside our door keeps raging on_  
_Hold on to this lullaby_  
_Even when music's gone_  
_Gone_

_Just close your eyes_  
_The sun is going down_  
_You'll be alright_  
_No one can hurt you now_  
_Come morning light_  
_You and I'll be safe and sound_

_Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh_  
_Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh_  
_La La _  
_La La _  
_Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh_  
_Oooh, Oooh, Oooh, Oooh_  
_La La _

_Just close your eyes_  
_You'll be alright_  
_Come morning light,_  
_You and I'll be safe and sound..._

_Oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh oh oh."_

She's right, this song reminds me of me and Prim, but also of me and Rue. And also how I failed them both... But I wonder if her sister is alive.

I wipe the slight tears from my eyes when the song is over. We pull apart from each other's grasp and melt into a deep kiss. Temporarily forgetting that we have people watching. We pull apart from our kiss, we walk to where some food is. "Hey Catnip." I look up and Gale is standing right in front of me. I'm nervous, do I run? I did invite him to my wedding and he knows these woods as well as I do so scratch that idea, but all those calls and letters he never answered.

"Hi Gale." I say with a smile, the smile is somewhat forced, but in another way it isn't.

"Sorry I never answered your calls." He says, I can't tell if he's just saying it because he feels bad or if he sincerely means it.

"I'm sorry too. I really needed someone to talk to at that time when I had no one. I had no one. Absolutely no one. Not even my own mother. She left me, just like she did when my father died! That's when I started to also depend on you, you were my rock. But then one day you were gone, not even a goodbye. You just left me, the one person who I always thought who would be there for me, left me. Like that. I learned that everyone leaves, and may or may not come back. But you came back, but you were almost too late, because I tried hanging myself. Do you know what it's like to lean on someone so much but then find out that they left you." I plead to him, I'm letting my heart out. He hugs me, "I hope I didn't lose my best friend." I tell him and we both smile.

"Of course not." He laughs back. I look up and notice my mom, who has probably heard most of this heart to heart conversation I had with Gale. Gale notices I see my mom, "I'll leave you two alone." He says and leaves my side.

My mom walks up to me, we don't talk at first, none of us really have anything to say to one another. I hope to God that Plutarch isn't filming this. "Katniss, I had no idea." She tells me and puts her arms on my shoulders.

She looks down at the cuts on my wrists, the cuts are fading, but they'll always be there. They're apart of me now, no matter how many times I put vitamin E oil on them. "Of course you didn't, you never answered my letters or calls." I reply back, I probably sound harsh, but that's twice now, twice in my short lifetime that she has left me when I have needed her the most.

"I was busy working in the hospital Katniss." She says simply. I don't want to hear it. It's just an excuse.

"I called and wrote on more than one occasion."

She lets out a sigh of defeat, because she knows I'm write. "But why did you really want to kill yourself?" Mom asks me.

"Because Prim was all I had to live for. You left me. Gale left me without saying goodbye. Haymitch was so wasted all of the time. Peeta was suffering from flashbacks. And so it was just me and my brain. It was me thinking about everyone I killed. How different their loved one's life will be now. I didn't deserve to live. I still don't. But one thing is for sure, Peeta deserves happiness, and he makes me feel happy and makes me forget about all of the pain and suffering when we're together."

I can feel myself crying some, and my mom pulls me into a hug. And then leaves, I don't see her at all during the wedding anymore.

The rest of the wedding goes on with food, singing and dancing. I had a good time and I think so did all of the other guests. I was introduced to Gales girlfriend and Peeta talked to some of his school friends who survived all these events over the past few years. I talk to Posy, Rory, Vick, and Hazel for a while, but it was some what awkward now.

* * *

"Katniss, could you go start the fire?" Peeta asks while getting the bread ready. We decided we wanted to do the toasting the same night we got married. I go to the fireplace and start a small fire that should soon set ablaze.

"It's ready." I call out to Peeta who is walking in the living room carrying the uncooked bread. He hands one of them to me that has a stick attached to it.

He puts his arm around me and I lean into him while we wait to our bread is a golden color. "How did things go with your mom today?" Peeta asks.

_How did things really go? _I wonder. I mean, I talked to her but did we forgive each other? Probably not. "Fine, I guess. I mean we talked but I don't think we're still on the best terms with me. I mean she basically left me and Prim to die then left me all alone not once checking to see if I' was okay." I tell Peeta.

He doesn't say anything. He probably doesn't. I don't mind, because I wouldn't know what to say either. We wait around for about five more minutes for the bread to finish cooking.

"So I guess this is where we say our personal vows to each other." Peeta suggests and I nod.

"You go first." I tell Peeta. He nods and goes on, "Katniss Everdeen Mellark. I still can't believe you're all mine. My brothers and mom would tell me 'I'm forever alone' or 'forever a virgin'. The people who knew I had a crush on you always told me you'd end up with Gale. But I proved them all wrong. We've both been through so much in my 19 years and your 18 soon to be 19 years than many people do in their whole life. When I threw you that bread, I wanted to to go out and hug you or comfort you, but I never had it in me. But in Reaping where we got picked, I promised myself I would go up to you and tell you how I felt. Lets just say I never thought what would happen that day with me being reaped and you volunteering for your sister. I knew I had to protect you, with your survival skills and if I teamed up with the careers, I knew you might actually have a chance to win. I could go on for pages and pages on how much I love you, but lets just cut it short." I laugh at that. "I promise to always love you even during my darkest times. I don't know how on earth I ever got this lucky to have you, but please don't leave."

I smile at him and give him a quick kiss. "Well I guess this is my turn. And I'm not very good with words just as a reminder. I always heard rumors about you liking me at school, but I never believed or listened to any of them because we came from two very different worlds. But the Games were both a horrible and good thing for us. But lets only focus on the good, we became a couple, though I had to fake a lot of it, a lot of it was also real. I just didn't want to tell you I loved you because the capitol wanted me to love you. And I knew liking someone lead to getting married and getting married lead to kids. And I knew that if me and you ever had kids together or with someone else, they would end up in the reaping bowl and I could never bring a kid in the world like that. Lets cut this short, I love you Peeta, with all of my heart no matter what happens between us, I'll always love you."

He smiles at me and we feed each other the bread. The old tradition was to have a toasting because you never felt married until you had one, and Peeta and I wanted to have one just like back in the days when we grew up.

We kissed, but the kisses soon turned more rough, the first time I felt Peeta's tongue wanting entrance, I didn't know what to do, but I opened my mouth and granted him access. He picks me up bridal style and carries me upstairs, Greasy Sae and her granddaughter Anna offered to watch Lucy tonight to give us some privacy and we accepted gratefully.

Peeta unbuttons my dress in the back, and I take off his tuxedo, and soon I'm completely naked and Peeta has his boxers on, I feel really self conscious, I still have the scars all over my body, the ones from the cutting and the Games and War. What Peeta does next sort of surprises me, he kisses every scar, and I do the same to him. We make love to each other multiple times that night.

When I wake up the next morning I get this sick feeling in my stomach, "Peeta." I shake him, "Peeta we forget to use protection." I say worried sick.

"Protection? What do you mean?" He asks still half asleep.

"What if I become pregnant?" I say realizing that this horrible thought could soon become reality.

"Then we'll raise the kid and live happily ever after with some more kids." Peeta jokes around some, I can tell now he's awake.

"But I don't want kids. Not now, I'm not sure if I'll ever be ready to have another life depend completely on me for nine months then on both of us." I say, I'm sounding selfish now, because Peeta wants kids more than anything, he wants to be a dad. And he deserves them, he deserves to be happy. But what about me? I can't have a kid with the chance of the Games coming back knowing it would be reaped for sure. And what if it dies from a childhood disease or what if I miscarry. I would fail that baby like I failed everyone else.

"Katniss, calm down, we'll see if your period comes but if it doesn't we'll worry about it then." Peeta assures me. I can tell he's hiding back the fact that he might be a dad in nine months time.

"Until my period comes." I confirm and cannot wait for that day to come which should be about in three weeks time.

**Wow, that was a long chapter. 7,171 words long! I don't own the song Safe and Sound which is mentioned, those rights belong to Taylor Swift and The Civil Wars and whoever else has the rights to that beautiful song. I may not be able to update in the next week because I'll be at the beach, but I'll see what I can do. Until next time...Please review. **


	5. Chapter 5

**WHO WATCHED THE CATCHING FIRE TRAILER? AHHH, I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL NOVEMBER 22, ONLY 121 DAYS TO GO! *sigh***

**Sorry I didn't get to update sooner, the hotel I stayed at wifi sucked. Well thanks for all of the reviews and favorites, and follows, they really mean a lot. And I'm really bad about replying to your reviews, so I'm going to try and start doing that. **

Over the next week I was a nervous wreck about me possibly being pregnant, I couldn't imagine me being a mom soon. I can't take care of a baby. I can barely take care of myself as it is. I had no symptoms, I even talked to the doctor about it, but he said I would have to wait longer to see if a baby formed from that night. He said chances are not that high, but there is always that possibility. Peeta tries to not show his excitement that he could possibly be a father within the next nine months. But when I tell him my period came, he was disappointed. Clearly. But he acted relieved like I did. I make a mental note to start taking the birth control pill. So I keep taking that birth control pill for the next six years. And Peeta and I can safely have sex without me worrying about having a baby.

* * *

Over the next few years, our routines are the same. I hunt and Peeta bakes. Even Haymitch found a new hobby that didn't include drinking to his death; raising geese. But luckily for the geese, they have figured out how to feed themselves. Finn, Annie and Finnick's son grows up. Finn looks just like his father from the pictures Annie has sent us. I wonder if it pains her to have a constant reminder of Finnick. I couldn't imagine raising a baby on my own especially if my husband was dead and I was crazy like Annie is. I wonder if she has someone who helps her out. Like my mom maybe? Even Johanna found someone, they have been dating for two years now. Gale married his girlfriend Claudia, they have two year old twin boys, Alexander and Conner. When they first came to visit, I thought Peeta would never let them leave. The way he held the twins and how he bonded with them. He would bring them to the bakery, teach them how to bake cookies, ice the cakes, he would even play with them from sun up to sun down. I thought for sure he would beg me for kids again. He did, but soon gave in to asking constantly.

My mom and I haven't talked since our wedding, six years ago. We both haven't tried contacting each other, Peeta suggests I do, but I never do. I don't know why. There's just nothing to talk about, but I miss having a mother/daughter relationship. Even if it was a messed up one.

Peeta and I sit on the lake shore overlooking the lake. Enjoying our cheese buns that Peeta made earlier, watching Lucy run around chasing a butterfly. It's an early warm spring day in march, the flowers are beginning to bloom, you no longer need a winter jacket or to keep the heat running in the house. "Katniss," Peeta says, I look up over at him and see he's kind of nervous, "We've been married for six years now, I'm 25 and you're almost 25. I was thinking, you know, maybe we could try to have a baby."

"I don't want a baby." I say looking at him. Instead of seeing sadness, frustration, or even anger in his eyes, they still look happy?

"Money isn't an issue or anything. I mean, if you're not ready we can still wait." Peeta goes on confident that I might give in, which I won't.

How can I tell him that I don't want a baby? Do I even have the heart to tell him that? I break eye contact with Peeta looking down at the grass our picnic blanket is on. I start to carelessly play around with the grass. "I don't want a baby." I say, "Not now or never." I say with a soft tone, "I'm so sorry." I say and I find it impossible to fight away the tears. Lucy has stopped what she was doing and came over beside me.

Peeta puts an arm around me pulling me into his chest, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I keep repeating. I know Peeta wants a baby more than anything. If anything, he deserves anything that makes him happy. He deserves a beautiful wife that can give him a child he so desperately wants and deserves.

"Katniss, a baby would be a perfect combination of you and me. Imagine listening to the baby call you mommy for the first time..." Peeta continues with why we should have a baby, but he doesn't realize, I'm not emotionally ready to care for a baby. I probably won't ever be. What if the Games come back? What if I fail the baby like I did with Prim and Rue? I failed both of them. What if Peeta dies and I turn into my mother? Peeta notices that I'm crying because he stops talking and starts to wipe my tears. Without saying anything else, I get up to leave. I leave the meadow and run back home.

The run from the lake back home to the Victors' Village is roughly about two or three miles, but I keep going so I can get home. When I arrive home I run upstairs into our master bedroom and lock the doors and close the blinds. I crawl into our walk in closet that is mostly empty and pull my knees up to my chest and let myself cry.

A while later I can hear Peeta knocking on the door, "I'm sorry Katniss, I'm really sorry I brought up the baby topic. I didn't realize that it was still a sore topic to discuss. I love you. And I know you're struggling and hurting right now, but if you don't open the door I can't help you." He says, I think about opening the door, but my stubbornness takes over and I refuse to. I make my way to the bed and lay down on it to close my eyes.

I wake up the birds chirping and the sun beaming in my room, I roll over to look at the alarm clock, 1:49 in the afternoon. I slept this long? I sit up and remember the conversation about having a baby and I get mad again. I don't know why I'm mad. I guess I'm mad at myself because I should have known better. Marriage always leads to kids. I'm mad at myself because Peeta deserves a baby, but I can't emotionally or physically handle having it die on me. I lay in bed until I hear another knock on my door, "Katniss, please open the door. I know you haven't eaten anything. And that's really unhealthy. Just open the door please." He begs me. I debate weather or not I should open the door so I let my stubbornness take over and keep the door shut. Peeta and I do the same thing for the next four nights. I haven't eaten anything in five days, and to my surprise, I'm not that hungry. I'm not sure where Peeta has been sleeping, in the living room? In the hallway? Who knows because I've been in our room for the past six days. "Katniss, if you don't open the door, I swear to you I will call your mother and Dr. Aruelius so they can take you to a hospital in the capitol." Peeta says. He knows how to break me, he knows I would do anything to escape being in the capitol. So this time, I open the door.

I trudge back to bed before I say anything, "It's open." I mumble as I have my head in my pillow. Peeta walks in, I haven't taken a shower for a while so I'm sure I smell horrible.

"Katniss. Why?" Peeta asks sounding speechless.

"You deserve to happy. You deserve some beautiful wife that can give you children and that is something I'm not. I'm ugly, I know I am. I have no clue why you love me. I can't give you happiness, which is something you deserve in life." I start to cry some more. Peeta pulls my head onto his lap and strokes my hair.

"Katniss, I don't need a baby to make me happy. I just think it would be fun to be able to have a baby with someone you love. But if you don't want a baby, then we won't have one. You're all I need." He explains, I shake my head, "Just believe it, okay? I love you."

"I love you too, but a good wife wouldn't treat her husband like this." I tell him meaning every word I said.

"You're prefect Katniss, no matter what you do or say. I will always love you. Now let's get you downstairs and give you something to eat, Haymitch is coming over tonight for dinner." Peeta tells me.

At dinner, none of us talk really. Only Haymitch informs us he'll be getting some geese eggs any day now to get ready to raise a new flock of them. Hopefully these are just as smart at the other flocks he has raises and if not, then they won't be living long. After dinner Haymitch leaves leaving Peeta and I on the couch in the living room.

"Katniss, just a few more questions. why don't you want to have a baby?" He asks me keeping a strong arm around me.

"I want a baby. But I can't handle it if I fail it like I did to Prim and Rue. I failed them Peeta, they died because I failed them both. I cannot physically and emotionally handle that pain again. It will shatter me into a million pieces and I'll be beyond repairable." I tell him.

"But think of all the good that will come out of it. Just like of all of the fun times we could have together as a _family."_ I notice how Peeta says the word family.

"I'm sorry Peeta." I say and kiss him on his lips.

* * *

The next four years pass just like the others. Gale had another baby, a girl, named Addalynn Hope. I haven't meet her yet, but unlike her two older brothers, she looks just like daddy, with her mom's nose of course. Johanna even gets married to the guy she has been dating for a while, I believe his name is Sam, we got a wedding invitation for her wedding in District 7. Peeta and I both went to catch up with them. We had some of her guests ask us why we haven't had kids yet, I gave them no response. They're both from District 7, so they decided to live there, next to Sam's family, his mom and dad, his two younger sisters and one older brother with his four nephews and one niece.

Peeta and I get into several more fights about having a baby, some resulting me sleeping in Haymitch's house for a few nights or him working late shifts at the bakery. I often accompany him when he works at he bakery and I can always see him sneak the kids who come with their mom's some cookies or a cupcake. I can see the way his face lights up when Tyler welcomes home their new baby, another girl, Carli. Sometimes, when I hold Carli, I wish she could be mine and Peeta's. Like we would raise a baby together, but I always make sure I give her back before I have a meltdown on wanting kids.

But tonight, tonight's different. I don't know why. But I think long and hard about a baby, I'm still young, I have plenty have time to have kids I think. Peeta and I lye in bed, just like we do every normal night. "Peeta I want a baby." I blurt out. He stops what he's doing and looks over at me.

"Could you repeat that?" Peeta asks, I'm not sure if he heard what I said or couldn't believe what I said.

"I want a baby." I tell him and he is all but smiles. He hugs me tight and kisses me all over my face.

"You sure you're not doing this for me? This is for you as well?" He asks me. I think about it, do I want a baby too? I suppose I do, but then I don't. But I already told Peeta I wanted a baby, so no turning back now.

I nod my head and Peeta's smile is as big as Panem itself and that is an image I will never forget.

**I'm sorry, I know this is short. But I'll try to update tomorrow with a longer chapter. Review please? **


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey, sorry this chapter is also really short. **

I still can't believe I told Peeta I wanted a baby. It was a lie, but it also wasn't. Yes, I wanted a baby, but Peeta deserves something that will always make you happy in life. And I can't deny that I have thought about wanting a baby, but I could never forgive myself if I miscarried or I can't get pregnant. I could never or want to imagine Peeta's face if I told him I wasn't capable of carrying a baby. His face would be heartbroken. And I would have to live with it for the rest of my life.

So far we have been trying for five months now and still nothing. I've had no possible signs of a pregnancy. I've gotten my period every month on time. And every time I tell Peeta this, he tells me there is always next month. I slowly start to lose my patience and I become more frustrated with a negative pregnancy test as the months go on and on.

"I won't be back until late tonight." Peeta says and kisses my temple and leaves for the bakery, I remember Peeta telling me yesterday that he and Tyler had a huge order they had to fill for a baby shower. A baby shower. A party Peeta wishes to be thrown. I'm alone today. Again. It's November so it's too cold and too slippery to go hunting so I have just been staying inside and occasionally checking on Haymitch. I know I have been on birth control for the past 10 years, Peeta said that my body probably needs time to readjust not having it and that is why I'm not pregnant, but I still can't fight the urge to call a doctor about this. So that's what I do.

I find the District 12 phone book in the living room and find the pregnancy center's number and decide to call them. "Hello Dr. Gray speaking. How may I help you?" A younger lady says.

"Um hi, my husband and I are trying to get pregnant but we can't. Should I be worried?" I ask nervously because what if there is something to be worried about. I stare around the study where we keep our phone. This place is flooded with terrible memories. I shiver at the thought of them; of Snow being here in this very room...

"Well, how long have you been trying?" Dr. Gray asks.

I think about that, "Five months." I say. I start to shake, I'm not sure why, but I guess I'm preparing myself for the worst.

"Have you been on birth control at all in your recent years?" She asks.

"Ten years." I reply instantly.

"Well, you're body is probably still trying to adapt not being on birth control." Dr. Gray says and I nod my head, listening to all of the information provided, "If you have tried for a baby for a year, you and your husband could come down to the center and we could run some tests?"

"Okay." I reply nervously, but what kind of tests?

"May I ask who is speaking?" Dr. Gray asks.

I hesitate for a moment, I don't want Panem to know that Peeta and I are trying for a baby. "Um, this confidential right?" I ask with my voice shaking.

"Of course ma'am." Dr. Gray said.

I took a deep breath and gave her a response, "Katniss Mellark." I say and await for her response.

"I'm sure it's just because you've been on birth control for so long. But I do with both of you the best of luck and some happiness, after all you both deserve it." Dr. Gray says.

I smile a little, "Bye." I say and hang up the phone.

I relax a little knowing that it might be because of me being on birth control for so long. But I decide not to tell Peeta about the phone call I made to the pregnancy center, I'll just let nature take it's course.

But when eight more months pass and I'm still not pregnant, I begin to worry that something might actually be wrong. I can tell Peeta is starting to get frustrated as well. Maybe I'm too old? No, I can't be, I'm only 29. I'm not too old for a baby. "Peeta." I say while we're eating breakfast on a Saturday morning.

"Yeah?" Peeta asks playing around with the scrambled eggs on his plate.

"I talked to the pregnancy center a few months ago, and I asked them why I wasn't getting pregnant, one of the doctors told me it was probably because I was on birth control for so many years, but she also said if we've tried for a year, and I still wasn't pregnant, we should come in so they can run some tests." I say.

"Do you want to get the tests done?" Peeta asks me.

_No. _I think. _No I don't want to get these tests done. But I really want to have a baby for you. And maybe even me. _"Yeah." I say.

"Well, lets go confirm that appointment." Peeta says with a little excitement in his voice.

* * *

A week and a half later Peeta and I walk hand in hand the short mile distance to the pregnancy center in District 12. In the waiting room, I see several women's stomachs looking like they're about to pop and several others have little newborns with them and their husbands accompany them as well. Only Peeta and I are the ones in the waiting room without no child. There are primroses in the corners of the waiting room and on top of some shelves. The walls are painted a neutral green color. "Katniss and Peeta Mellark." A women says hold a clipboard with some papers on it. Peeta and I stand up to walk over to the women, "Follow me please." She says and leads us down a hallway and into a room. "Dr. Gray will be with you shortly." They young nurse said. Judging by her eyes, she was from District 4, I can spot the sea green eyes from anywhere.

I sit on the patient bed and Peeta sits next to me on the stool. There's a knock on the door, "Come in." I say assuming it is our doctor.

"Hi I'm Dr. Gray." She says and shakes hands with both of us. "What seams to be the problem today?" She asks.

"I can't get pregnant." I blurt out instead of saying it in a more civilized way.

"Well, if I remember correctly, I said we would run tests if you hadn't become pregnant within a year of trying?" She asks me.

"Yes." I say, I can hear the desperation in my voice. Of how desperate I am to give this gift to Peeta. Peeta hasn't let go of my hand yet, but I can feel him start to grip it tighter.

"Okay, Peeta, we need to do a sperm sample from you." Dr. Gray says and hangs Peeta a small cup. "There's a bathroom down the hallway." Peeta takes the cup and walks outside the room. "Now Katniss, I want you to change out of your clothes and into this." She hands me a raggy looking gown that I'm sure many people have used before me.

I change into it and walk back out to the room, "Now what?" I ask Dr. Gray.

"Lay down on the patient bed." She points to it and pulls up a small computer beside the bed. Peeta returns back to the room handing the cup back to Dr. Gray. She gives him a 'thank you' and returns back to me. "This may feel cool." She warns before placing a cool jell on my abdomen. She places a wand onto the cool jell and moves it around, she looks at the computer screen that displays inside of me. After that she has me pee in a cup and takes a few blood samples from both Peeta and me.

"I'll have the results returned back to you as soon as I can. It shouldn't take more than fifteen or twenty minutes." Dr. Gray says and leaves the room leaving Peeta and I.

"Katniss, no matter what the results are, I want you to remember I love you with all of my heart and I just need you for the rest of my life. I can live without a baby, Katniss." He says looking down at the floor. But even I know he's lying, he wants a baby more than anything. For the remaining time Dr. Gray was gone, Peeta and I sit in a comfortable silence.

I hear the knock on the door again and welcome Dr. Gray back into the room. "Peeta, you're sperm count was normal and everything. But we did find something wrong with Katniss." Dr. Gray says. I swear I can feel my heart skip a beat. What's wrong with me? Did I do something wrong?

"Is something wrong with me? Did I do something wrong?" I ask on the verge of tears.

"Yes and no. Your body isn't able to carry a baby. I can only assume it's from both of your Games and leading the rebellion is what caused your body unable to support a life." Dr. Gray goes on.

"So we can never have children?" I ask pretty much crying now.

"You can have kids, it will just be harder to conceive and even if you do, it will be hard on your body Katniss, a pregnancy is hard on a women's body and can cause a lot of trauma, trauma you have had in you're earlier times. I truly am sorry about this." Dr. Gray says and leaves. I'm shocked for a second. That my body can't support the life of a baby.

"Katniss, are you okay?" Peeta asks looking over at me. These kind of moments show how loyal and selfless Peeta truly is. Peeta has wanted to be a dad his whole life and may not be able to because of me, but yet he's asking if I'm okay? It should be the other way around. I should be asking him if he's okay.

I shake my head at Peeta's question and he grabs my hand so we can leave. "You know if you want we can still keep trying." Peeta says, "Dr. Gray said it was harder for us to conceive, but she said we could as well."

So that's what we do. We keep trying for a baby. Almost every day for the next four years. And when my period comes every month I sigh in frustration and escape to the woods.

We don't tell Haymitch about us wanting a baby, he knows I don't want one and he knows I'm too stubborn for Peeta to convince me otherwise. But it wasn't until it was me and him alone he found out.

"Sweetheart, what are you all worked up about?" Haymitch asks me. I'm spending the day with him because Peeta is at the bakery and I can't stand to be alone in our big old empty house all day.

"Peeta and I have been trying to have a baby for years and I can't get pregnant. And it's my fault." I say trying not to cry. The last thing I needed was to cry in front of Haymitch and show him I can be vulnerable at times.

"I'm sure it's not completely your fault. I mean making babies is a team effort." Haymitch says clearly trying to lighten up the mood a little.

I shake my head at him. "You don't understand, my body isn't able to care for a baby because of all it's been through. That's what a doctor told us, four years ago." I say starting to cry a little.

Haymitch doesn't reply. I don't mind, because if I were him, I wouldn't know what to say either.

* * *

A doctor suggested if we really wanted a baby, we could look into adoption or having a surrogent baby. When I asked what a surrogent baby was, Dr. Gray explained to me that one of my eggs and Peeta's sperm would be placed together and then placed into another women and let the baby grow inside of her instead of me. It sounded like a really good idea, but it's not always guaranteed, so I guess that would be our last resort.

For the first time in almost a month, Peeta and I make love to each other. I can tell Peeta has missed it, I know I have. But every time we have sex, I just think about a baby that could possibly never be ours.

I wake up around four in the morning feeling suddenly like I got to throw up. I calmly get up out of the bed and go over to the bathroom before I violently vomit in the toilet. I vomit several more times before I stop feeling bad. At some point, Peeta came in the bathroom and held my hair out of my face. "Let's go back to bed?" Peeta asked me and I nod my head. I wake up four more times this week alone vomiting, sometimes Peeta wakes up and sometimes he doesn't. When my period doesn't arrive, I think I'm skipping a month, but with all of the vomiting, I can have only one thought, am I really pregnant?

**I edited this really really fast. So sorry if there are mistakes, I'll try and fix those tomorrow. I know this story is a little fast, but it'll slow down some soon. I promise. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it took a while for this chapter, I've been really busy with a summer camp I help out with and soccer practice starting back up. **

**Disclaimer, I don't own the Hunger Games **

I let the thought settle in my mind. Am I really pregnant? I instinctively put my hands to my still flat stomach, just to realize that possibly in a few months it will be swollen with a baby inside. But my hands don't stay there for long, I feel sick and sit up out of bed and run over to toilet in the bathroom before I vomit violently in the toilet. It takes a few rounds of vomiting before I feel Peeta's hand up against my back and his other hand holding my hair back. He rubs circles on my back with his hand. When I feel like I can throw nothing more up, I lay flatly against the tile enjoying how cool it feels against my skin.

Peeta doesn't say anything but sits down next to me and holds my hand. I close my eyes and breath heavily until I feel the need to vomit again. I get up and lean over the toilet to throw back up whatever is in my stomach. Peeta once again pulls my hair out of my face. Once I'm down, Peeta flushes the toilet and sets me on the edge of the bath tube. He walks over to the sink and goes into the cabinets and pulls out a washcloth. He draws the water to make the cloth damp and brings it over to my face and wipes the vomit that was probably on my face. The coolness the cloth provided me helped me feel a lot better instead of like crap.

I start to shake some from all that vomiting, but Peeta is right there to stabilize me. "Are you okay, Katniss?" Peeta asks with his blue eyes glistening with care.

I shake my head and sigh. "I feel like crap." I tell him and wipe my runny noise and lean forward to rest my head on his shoulder. He wraps his arms around me which have gotten stronger over the past few years with him working in the bakery. I feel safe once again inside his arms. They've always been my safe haven. In the cave, I even felt safe then. The nights on the train during the Victory Tour warding away the nightmares. And then even during 13, his arms didn't comfort me, but the way he was fighting his own demons gave me the strength to fight my own.

"Do you want me to stay home today?" Peeta asks, "I can call Tyler and tell him you're sick."

I nod my head, I don't want Peeta to stay home because I know how much he loves working at the bakery, but I really need him here today. It's selfish, but I really need him. "Please stay home." I beg him. I can hear how desperate I am in my voice. I probably sound like a little kid to him. His arms wrap around me and I bury my face into his chest.

"Of course I will." Peeta replies holding me tighter to him. He rubs his hands up and down my back, "Do you want to go back to bed?" He asks.

I nod my head remembering how tired I was. He picks me up bridal style and carries me the short distance to our bed. He lays me down and kisses my sweaty forehead and then I drift off to sleep. When I wake back up it was already 12 in the afternoon. I stretch my arms and legs before I walk downstairs.

I walk downstairs and wander off to the kitchen assuming that is where Peeta should be. "Hey." I say to Peeta who is hovering over the stove making something to eat. The saying is true, you can take the man out of the bakery, but you can't take the bakery out of the man.

"Hey." He says back stopping what he's doing. "Are you feeling better?" He asks.

Normally, I would try to sugarcoat it and tell him I am feeling better, but the truth is I'm not. "Not really." I tell him truthfully. But force a smile along with it.

"Do you think you're sick?" Peeta asks me. I wonder if he has suspected that I could possibly be pregnant. He would have to because I never told him I got my period like I always do. And all of the vomiting.

"I'm sure it's just a bug, I've heard that's been going around." I lie to him.

"Okay, but if you're not getting better, than we should take you to the doctor." Peeta says. He says it more like a statement, he won't let me protest because he knows how much I hate the doctors. But I'm not sick, I'm pregnant. I think.

I make a mental note to myself that tomorrow I take a home pregnancy test. And if it's negative, I guess I'll just act like nothing happened, but as Peeta would always tell me, I am a bad liar. Peeta has always been able to read right through me, but being married for 15 years, he can read me like an open book. Peeta and I don't talk much more that day. By the end of the day, I'm beyond exhausted, I tell Peeta that I'm too tired to try for a baby. I can see the hurt in his eyes, but if he can wait until tomorrow, I can give him the best gift of his life. Or possibly the worst.

I wake up early that morning to vomit, but I make sure Peeta can't hear me so he'll go back to work at the bakery today. And that will give me time to get a home pregnancy test. After I vomited up whatever was in my stomach I wipe my face off with a wash rag and I quietly walk back to bed. The next time I wake up I glance over at the alarm clock at it reads 10. I roll out of bed and down the stairs maybe finding some food. I look on the kitchen table and find breakfast that Peeta made me. Cinamen rolls, the normal sweet and pleasant smell is a horrid smelling one today. I quickly run over to the sink and vomit again. "Well, looks like I'm not having cinamen rolls for breakfast." I mumble to myself. And hold my breath while I throw out the cinamen rolls. I decide on a bowl of cereal for breakfast.

I look on the counter and find a note from Peeta,

_Katniss,_

_I'll be home a little later, maybe about 8. If you start to feel bad again, call the bakery and I can always come home. _

_Here's some medicine Tyler said would help with the vomiting._

_Love you, Peeta_

If he stays late, I can figure out a better way to plan how to break possibly the best news to Peeta. I walk back upstairs to make myself look more presentable out in public when I buy a pregnancy test. I decide on a black sweater with blue jeans to help keep the cold air off on a cold day in early November. I leave my hair down, it's naturally curly, it comes a little past my shoulders, a few years ago I donated my hair to some organization who makes wigs for people who lose their hair when they have a disease. I decided that I'm going to start to donate my hair. My hair is still long enough to braid, it is still shorter than it was back in my teenage days.

I quickly walk out of the Victor's Village and into town. The walk isn't too far. But I'm not too sure where I could buy a pregnancy test, but you could buy it at the drugstore right? That's where I look first. The outside air is cool and brisk, snow hasn't fallen yet this winter yet, but it could be any day now that we have snowfall. So many people are bundled up. I remember back when I lived in the Seam, it was next to impossible to stay warm. You were lucky if you had enough firewood to last you through the night. And you were more than lucky if you had more blankets to sleep with or if you had a jacket. The best place during the winter months was to be in school because that had heating. I think back to now and how much everything has changed, but for the good. A few years ago, President Paylor announced that the Hunger Games arenas will be destroyed and every tribute that died in the Games will have a life size memorial statue built of them, stating their name, district, age, and how they died. Weather it was from the bloodbath or starvation to disease or from a fight with another tribute. This way, they can always be remembered. The only Arena the capitol did not destroy was the one from our first Games, the 74th Hunger Games, when history was made and our second Games area, The Quarter Quell, again where history was made. When the kids learn about the Games in school, they take a field trip to the capitol and visit the arenas. They can tour them and learn about the Games while actually being in an actual arena. Peeta and I have been asked by the schools to talk about the Games, but I always deny and Peeta always accepts.

I approach the drug store and look around to make sure I don't see Peeta nearby. I walk into the store and am greeted by the person who runs the cash register. I smile back politely and go about my business. When I come across the pregnancy tests, I grab four, just to be sure and walk to the counter to pay for them. The lady tries to make conversation with me.

She's young, blonde, and beautiful. "You're husband is quite a cutie." She tells me while she checks out my items. I smile and nod in agreement trying to be polite. "But seriously. When I heard your love was fake for him, I wanted to cry because I would do anything to be with him." She goes on and on. I don't think she realizes what she says actually hurts.

"I know I don't deserve Peeta. But I have to live with it. He chose me. Out of all those beautiful women like you, he chose me. Believe me, I don't know why he chose me. When he could have almost any other women out there. A women who could give him the family and kids he deserves. A women who is not as broken as I am. But I have to live with it." I say. The cashier hands me my bag and I leave. I slowly walk back to our home in the Victor's Village and go to the powder room downstairs. I read and reread the instructions on the test to myself and out loud several times to make sure I do this correctly and get the result I'm looking for. I pee on the four sticks and place them in the sink. On the instructions, it said to wait four to five minutes to get the most accurate results. While I wait, I sit on the toilet just thinking how different our lives will be if I am pregnant.

All I can do is think. About me. About Peeta. And about the baby. What if I fail him or her like I did to Prim or Rue? What if the Games come back? What if Panem collapses and the Dark Days return? What if Peeta dies and I turn into my mother? I make up all of these horrible scenarios in my head that will more than likely never happen. I read somewhere that over thinking can cause depression. No shock there for me at least. I need to stop thinking because Peeta won't die and there won't be anymore Games, all of these thoughts are irrelevant. When I realize that the four minutes is up, I slowly get up from the toilet, my knees feel like they're about to give out any moment, I look at the first test, positive. _Maybe that's a mistake, there's still three more. _Second one, positive, and the other two say the same thing, positive. I'm not sure if I'm happy or scared. I mean, our goal was for me to get pregnant, but now that I'm actually pregnant, I suddenly regret my decision. I lean against the wall and slowly slide down it starting to cry. The cries soon turn into sobs.

I hear the front door open, "I'm home." Peeta shouts. I don't respond, I don't have it in me to. "Katniss?" I can hear Peeta call my name wondering where I'm at. I hear his footsteps come closer and closer. "Katniss, what's wrong?" Peeta asks.

I don't respond but he sits down next to me grabbing one of the pregnancy tests from my hands. "Katniss, you're pregnant?" Peeta asks, his voice is filled with joy. Why wouldn't it be? He wanted this for his whole life and I've made him wait so long. He tries to make sure his voice isn't joyful, but he fails at it.

"Yeah." I say quietly, so quietly, I'm not sure if he could understand it or even hear it for that matter.

"But Katniss, I thought that was the goal." Peeta says. "To get you pregnant." He adds.

"It was." I say fighting more tears off with no luck. "But I didn't think this through. There is no turning back now. I now have a little tiny baby inside of me depending on me for it's survival. And it could die at any possible moment from some stupid mistake I do." I say.

"Katniss, did you do this for me?" Peeta says in a gentle but stern tone. "Did you agree with me for a baby because I wanted one?"

I think about that. It would be a lie if I told him I didn't want a baby. But he did influence my opinion. "I did at first. But I didn't think it through. And it's too late now." I say through tears. "Too late now." Peeta doesn't say anything but holds me tight. At some point he got me to eat some chicken noodle soup, it's one of the only things I can keep down. He also told me he made a doctor appointment tomorrow to take a look at the baby.

* * *

Peeta and I walk down the streets and into town to visit the hospital for our appointment to confirm if I'm pregnant or not. I hope I am pregnant for Peeta's sake. I told him I wanted kids, I told him we could try and conceive a kid, we were told I couldn't carry a baby, and now here I am possibly pregnant. But for my sake, I don't want to be pregnant. I cannot mentally or physically handle if I lose this baby at any point in it's life, especially if it's inside _my _womb. I don't know what I was thinking all those years ago when I said yes. I knew I could never change my mind if I ever said yes.

Peeta grabs my hand and I snuggle close to him while we walk down through the town, it's early November and the first snow fall came last night, but it's just some snow flurries. When we arrive at the hospital, we go to the pregnancy department. On our way there, we got many stares, I brushed them off, but I wonder what they're thinking. I wonder if Panem has ever wandered about the two very famous Star Crossed Lovers hadn't had any kids, it's partly because I didn't want any for so long, but also because we couldn't conceive, or carry the baby.. Peeta checks us in and we wait for our name to be called by the nurse. The room is a neutral gray color with plants in every corner and several waiting room chairs. There are a few families, mainly husbands with their wife's belly looking like it is about to explode. And a few with children already. Then there is us, Peeta and me. No sign of a bump or anything, I've only had symptoms, I just feel out of place right here. "Katniss Mellark?" A middle aged nurse with the common Seam characteristics, brown hair and gray eyes with an olive skin tone.

She leads us down a few hallways only stopping to weigh me, I'm a 121 pounds. After going through a few hallways the nurse leads us into a room filled with some kind of technology. "Dr. Gray will be with you shortly." The nurse says politely than leaves.

Peeta and I sit awkwardly for a few minutes in silence. I sit on the patient bed while he sits on the chair next to the bed. "What happens if I'm actually not pregnant?" I ask him, curious on what he will say.

"I guess we could try again." He says, "Only if you want to though." He quickly adds trying to make eye contact with me. I don't want to make eye contact with him because I'm not even sure if I want a baby. He opens his mouth up to say something but Dr. Gray walks in.

"I'm Dr. Gray." She says and holds out her hand so Peeta and I can shake it. "Now, what brings you two here today?" She asks politely.

"I think I may be pregnant." I say.

Dr. Gray gives us an approving smile. "Well, I'm glad that you were able to conceive. But let's confirm that your pregnant first. Shall we?" She asks preparing a needle.

"What is the needle for?" I ask out of fear. I have the phobia of needles, they remind me too much of the Capitol after our first Games when they were getting rid of the scars and burns or injuries we suffered from the arena. And even back in 13. Needles remind me of everything I've been trying to forget for so long.

"It's a way to find out if you're pregnant or not. It will only hurt for a few seconds. Now, hold out your arm please." She demands. I hold out my right arm and Peeta holds my left hand squeezing it. Dr. Gray places the needle up against my arm and grabs the blood she needs. It didn't hurt much, I've felt worse. Not like other needles I've had jabbed in me. "I'll run some tests on this. I'll be right back." Dr. Gray says and leaves the room. Once again leaving Peeta and me alone.

"Do you think you're pregnant?" Peeta asks.

"I don't know." I say. "I mean, I've had the signs and symptoms. But I don't know."

"Do you want this baby if you are pregnant?" Peeta asks. I look at him, his eyes filled with guilt. He's probably thinking he forced me into having this baby just for him. He's completely wrong. He didn't force me.

"Yes." I finally reply back. Trying to convince him, but also myself.

Dr. Gray returns with the results. "Are you ready to hear the results?" Asks Dr. Gray. Peeta and I both nod our heads. "Well, congratulations. You're pregnant. From what you said, we're assuming you're about six or seven weeks along. We can do an ultrasound on your next appointment in five weeks." Dr. Gray says cheerfully. She probably sounds more cheerful than I do. And I'm the one who is pregnant.

"But is the baby okay?" I ask, I suddenly remember that this little baby is dependent on me and only me for the next few months while it is still inside my womb.

"We believe so. As long as there isn't a reason not to think it's okay." Dr. Gray says.

"But how can you tell for sure?" I ask.

"Well, we could do an ultrasound. I normally don't like to do those until you're a little farther along. But I can't send you home worrying like this. So lay down and pull your shirt up." Dr. Gray instructs. I can tell Peeta is all jumpy with happiness. Who wouldn't be after you've waited so long to have a baby."This jell may feel a bit cool." She says and pours some blue liquid jell on my lower abdomen. I'm surprised at first at how cool it is. Dr. Gray moves a stick along my abdomen. All of the sudden a loud gush of noise fills the room. "That is the heartbeat." Dr. Gray says. "It has a fast and healthy heart beat. Dr. Gray moves the stick more along my abdomen and then a bean figure pops up on the screen. "Now that is your baby." She says.

"It looks like a bean." I say and Peeta laughs.

"That's our baby Katniss. Our baby." Peeta says, he's probably still in awe. Peeta's eyes light up like they haven't in years. His expressions can't help but to make me smile.

"You are in fact six weeks along." Dr. Gray says, "I will want to see you back in three to five weeks for your next appointment. And take these." She says handing me a bottle of pills. "They help make sure your baby develops correctly. Take two a day. Morning and night." I nod my head trying to remember all of this.

When we arrive home, Peeta is glowing with happiness. I keep thinking about soon a room that sits empty, will soon house someone a permanently. "Do you think it's a boy or girl?" Peeta asks me while taking a bite of his mac and cheese.

"I don't know. I just want it to be healthy." I say. But in my heart, I hope for a boy. I want a boy so he can remind me of Peeta and not remind me of Prim. I see Prim enough and I can't look into a child's eyes without somehow seeing Prim. Hopefully this baby will have all of Peeta's traits and features, if not, he'll be screwed.

"I want it to be a girl." Peeta continues. "A girl who looks exactly like you." I smile and lean in for a kiss. "But Katniss, you know you need to tell your mother about this. I'm sure she would love to be a grandma. If the baby can't have all of it's grandparents or aunts or uncles or cousins, don't you think it deserves to know the only living biological person related to them?"

I think about that, yes Mom would love to be a grandma, but we haven't talked in so long. "I don't want to tell her." I admit quietly. I almost didn't think Peeta heard me until he started to talk.

"She's your mom Katniss. Plus, we'll have these pregnancy rumors will soon be all over Panem. It's not like there aren't still cameras around here. Wouldn't you rather tell her you're pregnant than her find out about it through the media?"

"I guess you're right." I mumble.

"I wonder how Haymitch will react once he finds out he'll be a Grandpa." Peeta says while I help him clean the dishes.

"He'll probably crack a few jokes and piss me off then he'll congratulate us." I say with a smile creeping on my face. "I called it." I tell Peeta.

**crappy ending, I know. Haha. The next chapter should be up soon.**


	8. Chapter 8

**OMG , I'm so so sorry on how long this chapter took me to write, it was hard for me to and I don't even know why. Like for my other story, What If, I've been having good ideas, but have no idea on how to write them down! lol, well, here's the next chapter. **

I hid my pregnancy from Haymitch for the next two weeks, and that hasn't been easy. I can tell he's eyeing me weird every time I see him. When he asks, if I'm gaining weight, I give him a scowl, which is making him more suspicious. Peeta and I wanted to wait to the 14 week mark, because that is when the chances for a miscarriage decrees dramatically because I would be in the second trimester then. The mourning sickness is still there, but it has died down a lot, which I am beyond thankful for. Some mornings I don't even wake up to vomit. Which is a huge change from my earlier weeks in my pregnancy. I can eat a lot more of variety of things without vomiting that up later on.

I'm only eight weeks pregnant, but you can already see a baby bump. The whole bump is making everything more real. Although, you can't tell I have a bump unless you know to look for it, but it's still there. And when Peeta thinks I'm asleep,

I'm in the shower, even after all of these years of having a complexed shower, I still haven't memorized all of the controls and sometimes end up having shampoo squirting in my eyes. After I get out of the shower, I grab a yellow soft towel to wrap around my body. I walk out of the steamy and moist bathroom to the clean air. I grab a pair of jeans and an orange sweater. I pull the sweater over my body, when I go to pull up my jeans, I realize I can't button them. I try to button them, once I get the jeans buttoned, it unbuttons itself. I sigh, but not ready to give in. I suck in my stomach as best as I can but once I get them buttoned again, the button pops right off. I don't know why, but I start to cry. "Peeta!" I yell. I'm not sure if he's downstairs. I don't hear his footsteps rushing up the stairs, "Peeta." I yell once again. And when I still don't hear his footsteps, I start to panic. _He left me. He really left me. And he didn't even tell me. _When I've convinced myself that I'm now alone, I pull on some of Peeta's sweatpants and one of his long sleeve white shirts.

I walk down to the bakery, still crying, to see if Peeta left any notes on where he possibly could have gone to. I don't understand why he would leave me, doesn't he understand how much I need him right now? He's my rock. Maybe he visited my mother? Or he went to the capitol? No, he hates the capitol almost as much as I do. I get stares and looks from all kinds of people on my way to the bakery, but why do I care? I get them all the time even after all these years. Some looks are full of sympathy. I ignore them and keep walking to the bakery. I see several families walking in and out of the bakery, I guess Tyler is keeping it up and running. When I walk through the glass doors, I see Tyler working the register.

"Katniss, what are you doing here?" He asks me, "Why are you crying? Are you okay, is it the baby?" He asks. So far only Tyler knows about the baby, we had to tell him. How could we explain that on certain dates Peeta would be sick, or I would be sick and would need to miss work. So we just thought it would be easier to tell him that I'm pregnant. He was excited for us, he's only one year younger than Peeta and I. And he has four kids now, almost 16 year old daughter, Ashley, 8 year old son Luke, 6 year old son, Cole, and a 2 year old daughter Molli. So I'm sure he would have noticed me acting 'pregnant' since he went through it with his wife four times.

"Is Peeta here?" I ask in between sobs. I can't control how much I'm crying now. I can't even remember why I started to cry. Wasn't it because I couldn't button my jeans and when I called for Peeta he never came?

"He's in the back, baking." He replies.

I don't respond by hurry to where the ovens are, to where Peeta is. As soon as I step in the baking room, I can immediately feel the temperature difference. The baking room is too warm for my liking, but I can see a man with blonde hair hovering over the counter. He must have heard me coming because he turns around. "Katniss." He says cautiously while walking towards me. "Katniss, what's wrong? What happened?" He asks. I run into his arms. At first he's a little stunned but he quickly responds and wraps his arms around me. He doesn't ask anything. He doesn't say anything. He just holds me and rubs my back. What felt like hours, before I cried myself out, "What happened?" He asks confused on what brought up this random burst of sadness. "And why are you wearing my clothes?" He also ask half jokingly to try and lighten the mood up a little. But fails at it.

"I thought you left me." I say and start to cry I again, "I called your name this morning and you didn't come. I thought you left me. I thought you left me." I keep repeating. I feel Peeta pull me even closer to him and he strokes my hair and whispers soothing words in my ear.

"Katniss, I would never leave you." He says, cupping my face, forcing me to make eye contact with him. "But that doesn't answer my question, why are you wearing my clothes?" Peeta jokes.

"I couldn't fit into my jeans and when I did, the button popped off." I say. I'm embarrassed to tell Peeta this, but I can't help but to laugh, and soon Peeta starts to laugh with me.

I laughed. I really laughed. I haven't laughed like this for years. I never laughed. Nothing was ever funny in my life. And it just didn't feel right to laugh. As soon as the laugh was let out of mouth, I close it. "No Katniss, you can laugh. You can laugh." He says which only makes me laugh even more.

I stay until the closing hours of the bakery. I work the cash register and on several occasions see a mother and kid or kids come into the bakery to buy some bread. That makes me smile, knowing that will be me in months time walking into the bakery with our baby. Like Peeta normally does, I sneak the kid a cookie. I smile at the little act of kindness I just did. Another thing I could add to my game I play. Whenever I have a ruff morning or day, I always make a list, that list consists of any act of kindness someone has done to me or to anyone else in general. It doesn't sound like much, but it helps me rationalize my feelings and realize that there is good in the world. Of course, over the years, the list has gotten longer and longer, so it was harder to memorize the acts of kindness, so I made a book of them. There aren't any pictures like our other book, but Peeta helped me add the kindnesses to the book, even Haymitch came around to help us.

* * *

The next few weeks pass uneventfully, I'm eleven weeks pregnant. We still haven't told anyone yet about my pregnancy, still the only person knows is Tyler. Haymitch keeps eyeing me weird whenever I go to check on him or when we have him over for dinner every Sunday night. The bump that is on my abdomen is defined, and if I wear a tight fitting shirt, you can actually tell I look pregnant. Dr. Gray told me I would probably start to show earlier because of how small I was. If I wear one of Peeta's shirts or a lose fitting shirt of mine, I can cover it up. Since I'm almost out of my first trimester, the mourning sickness has died down from little to almost none. Hear and there I'll vomit a little, but I can stomach nearly everything now.

Dr. Gray told me she wants to see me more often that on of her normal patients because she's curious to see how my body is handling a baby after how she told me my body was traumatized from the Games and the rebellion and wants to make sure my body is giving the baby what he or she needs.

Peeta and I walk hand and hand on our way to the hospital. I wear one of Peeta's lose shirts to cover up my baby bump, it won't be much longer before I can't hide it at all. There has already been talk in the news on t.v. about my weight gain. I don't think anyone has suspected I'm pregnant because all of the citizens know I'm underweight so it could just be the doctor finally got me to gain some weight.

People wave at Peeta and I, I try not to make eye contact, which is the total opposite of Peeta. He makes eye contact with almost everyone and gives them a friendly smile and wave. Peeta and I in town isn't a rare thing, we come into town together often. We walk to the hospital and to the pregnancy part of the hospital. The waiting room is empty. We're probably the first appointment. We have been scheduling our appointments early so we can beat the rush. We only wait in the waiting room for about five minutes before a nurse calls us back.

"Please step on the scale." The nurse says, she's young. Maybe 24. She has the bronze hair and the sea green eyes, a trademark from District 4. She has the eyes for Peeta though because she can't keep her eyes off of him. "124 pounds, you have gained about nine pounds since your last visit." She says aloud and writes it down. "Follow me please." The nurse speaks up once again and leads us down a hallway, that reminds me of back when we were in District 13 during the war. "Dr. Gray will be with you soon." She says politely and leaves.

"I wonder what they're going to do this time." I say to Peeta, sitting on the patient bed while Peeta sits on the chair next to me.

"I wonder if we can hear the babies heartbeat at this appointment." He says. I can tell Peeta is trying to contain his excitement about the baby for my sake because he knows I'm still sensitive on the subject.

"I don't know." I say and look over at him and smile. Just thinking at how patient he has been over the past 15 years, the first 10 to convince me to have a baby, and the last 5 to conceive.

Before he can responds Dr. Gray walks in. "Katniss, you have grown a lot since the last time we saw you." She says. I know she means it in a good way, but I can't help but feel self conscious, I've never been 'fat' in my whole life. Ever. Even after I've had enough to eat. I don't reply but I give her a half smile. "Well, lets get started, but first, but this gown on." She hands me a gown that has been worn by at least several other people. I take off my clothes and change into the gown in a bathroom that is attached to the room. I walk back out and lay back down on the patient bed.

"So Katniss, how are you feeling?" Dr. Gray asks.

"The mourning sickness is still there, but it's not waking me up every morning. I can stomach a lot more food now." I say and continue on with all of my symptoms. Dr. Gray writes this down and asks me more questions, she takes my blood pressure and does a urine test.

"Now do you want to hear the baby's heartbeat?" Dr. Gray spoke.

Peeta and I grin at each other then start to shake our heads. "Yes please." Peeta says. Dr. Gray smiles and pulls up the gown exposing my lower parts, but puts a towel over it.

"Remember, the jell is going to be cool." Dr. Gray says before placing it over my swollen abdomen. _Swoosh Swoosh _is what fills the room with joy. "You might be able to recognize that sound." Dr. Gray says. "It's a little fast, but it's normal. From the sound of it, the baby seams healthy." Dr. Gray adds. I can let out that sigh of relief to know that the baby is healthy. "Now do you want to see the baby?" Dr. Gray asks.

"Yes." I reply enthusiastically. I look over at Peeta who has tears in his eyes, gently squeezing my hand.

Dr. Gray puts more of that cool jell on my abdomen and changes wands, she moves the wand around to find the baby, "There's the arm. It looks like it's waving." Dr. Gray says, I feel a smile creep up on my face that goes from ear to ear, I look over at Peeta, and he has the same facial expression as me. "Would you like to find out the gender?" Dr. Gray asks, "It's a little early, but I think I could get a good picture."

I look over at Peeta, wanting his input, "Whatever you want Katniss." He coaxes.

"I want it to be a surprise." I confirm. "A surprise."

"Well if that is what you want. But everything looks picture perfect. I want to see you every three weeks, but once you get into your third trimester, it will be every week." Dr. Gray insisted while she wiped the remaining jell off of my abdomen. I get back dressed into my normal clothes. Dr. Gray printed out pictures of the baby so we could show family and friends once we decided to go public about it.

Once we're out of the hospital, Peeta grabs my hand and leads me somewhere in town I don't think I've been before. "Peeta, where are you taking me?" I ask him as he drags me across town.

"It's a surprise, so hurry up." He replies, not even bothering to look back at me.

"Then I can't go any faster!" I complain back at him. But he doesn't slow down. "Peeta, come on, I'm pregnant with _your _baby. Give me a break."

"Nope." Peeta laughs back at me, I can hear the hint of laughter in his voice. "It's not much further."

"You said the same thing a five minutes ago." I complain.

I sigh and continue walking with Peeta pulling me along. "Okay, stand still." He says, I sigh and do as he says. Peeta comes up behind me and puts his hands over my eyes, "Okay, now keep walking. Trust me, I won't let you fall." Peeta jokes around probably remembering the time he did let me fall last time he did something like this, and that's how he ended up sleeping a week on the couch. He takes his hands off of my eyes, I had my eyes closed, "Surprise." He said. His surprise was reenacting the night of the training center, the day before our second Games. There are candles everywhere, even though it can't be past ten a.m., flowers planted instead of buildings, food on a picnic blanket.

"What's the occasion?" I ask astoundingly.

"No reason." He replies nonchalantly. "Can't I just surprise my beautiful wife that is carrying my baby?"

I lean up and give him a kiss on the check, "This is perfect." I say in my most seductive voice I can.

"Want to eat?" Peeta suggests. I nod my head and we enjoy the brunch meal that Peeta has made for us both. We spend the rest of the day here, in each other's arms. Discussing things about the baby.

"What are we going to name the baby?" Peeta wondered.

"I don't know. I don't want to keep the flower tradition in the baby's name if it's a girl." I admit.

"That's good, because I don't want to keep the bread tradition if the baby was a boy." Peeta agrees.

"I want him or her to have it's own name, not named after anyone because the last thing I need is to see the person we named him after everytime I call his name. I don't know to name Baby, but we still have a while to go." I say back.

"You think it's a boy." Peeta teases.

"Yeah, and you think it's a girl." I tease back.

* * *

We decided to tell Haymitch and some of our other District 12 friends about the baby over dinner on Christmas Day. There's not many people who come over for Christmas, but it has been the same crew for years. Greasy Sae and Anna, Tyler and his family, Delly, Thom and their son, and Haymitch. We've even provided dinner for people who can't afford a big luxurious Christmas dinner like Peeta and I can. We also buy gifts for kids whose parents can't afford anything for them, both Peeta and I know what it's like to wake up the day of Christmas and have nothing. Even though poverty is scarce, it's still there, no one dies of starvation anymore, your neighbors always have your back if you're in dire need of clothes or food or even shelter.

I love Christmas time, but shopping for gifts is almost impossible. I buy Haymitch some new shirts, Tyler and his family a new T.V., Greasy Sae a few new cookbooks and Anna some money. For Delly, I got her some seeds to plant flowers, Thom, Delly's husband, I got him a new winter jacket, and their six and a half month son, Alex, I got him some onesies. And for Peeta, well Peeta is impossible to shop for, whenever I ask him what he wants, he always tells me he doesn't want anything, but today while I was in the jewelry store, I found a silver necklace, there was two one for me and one for him. It was the shape of a heart, that broke into two necklaces, but it read when put together, 'I love you to the moon and back', just the perfect quotes for us. I even pick up Lucy some dog treats, Lucy is over 15 years old, and you can defiantly see the old age taking a toll on her. But, we're trying to have her hold on to maybe when the baby is here. If she can last that long.

"Peeta, are you sure you don't want any help?" I call out into the kitchen while I sit on a comfy couch with my husband working his butt off trying to feed a guest list of nine plus us two tonight.

"No, it's fine, just keep resting. You know Dr. Gray said to take it easy." Peeta shouts back to me from the kitchen. I sigh in defeat.

"Okay, but they'll be here in about three hours." I spoke back to him.

At one point over the next three hours, Peeta gives in to my plea and lets me help him. Thank goodness he did, because there would be way all of this food would be ready in time. The Christmas tree has gifts all up under it just awaiting for them to be opened. By the time the first guest arrives, which would be Haymitch, we have prepared a turkey I caught earlier, mashed potatoes, carrots, fruit salad, and for desert apple pie, cookies, and blueberry pie.

"My sweetheart, you've gained quite a bit of weight. Better tell Bread Boy to stop cooking so much pastries." Haymitch jokes, by his voice, I can tell he's half drunk.

"Maybe the doctor suggested I gained some weight." I snap back at him. I put my hand in my pocket and feel the ultrasound pictures realizing that I will show everyone later today.

I ignore his last comment and wait in the living room waiting for the rest of our guests to arrive. Delly Thom and their son, Alex arrive next, then Tyler and his family, and last is Greasy Sae and Anna. I've never met Anna's parents before, but Anna is beautiful. She has a carmel color hair, like one parent had blonde hair and the other had brown, her eyes are a blue gray. She is literally a combination of the Seam and a Merchant kid.

When we are all in the now cramped living room, Peeta is the first to speak up, "Well, lets eat."

Everyone agrees and takes their spot around our dining room table. The food is centered in the middle so everyone can reach it. Everyone piles up the food on their plates. Back before the rebellion, meals like this was unheard of. Even for the Merchant class, the only time someone got this big of a meal was when your district won the Games which was a very rare siting in District 12. Eating this much used to make me feel guilty that so many kids used to die daily from starvation, but I don't think they would want other people to suffer the same fate as they did.

After dinner and dessert, we all pitch in to help clean up the kitchen, as for the leftovers, I'll drop them off by a food pantry tomorrow. We all gather around the Christmas tree to exchange our gifts. "This one is for the Johnson's." Peeta says as he lifts the carefully wrapped box.

"What is it?" Cole, their six year old son asks.

"You have to open it to find out." Peeta hints. The four kids, even Ashley who is 16 helps out.

"It's a t.v.!" All four shriek and even Molli babbles something of her own language. "Thank you."

Peeta and I accept their thankyou's and we continue with the gifts. Peeta and I always do our gifts to each other that night alone. But from the Johnson's I got some new hunting gear, Haymitch gave me a bow and arrow, Greasy Sae and Anna gave me a bear that belonged to my dad, and Delly and Thom gave me and Peeta some new recipes. As everyone was looking over their gifts, Peeta and I decided it was time to share the announcement about the baby.

"Listen up everyone." Peeta interrupts, "Katniss and I have another gift to give everyone." I hand out envelopes to everyone. We put the ultrasound pictures in envelopes and give them to everyone. "Don't open it until we say so." Peeta demands. I hear everyone a give a sigh of frustration, which can't help but make us laugh.

"Now, we haven't told anyone yet, and you are our family, so we thought you should know.." I star, I still see the confused faces of all the people in the room. "You may open the envelopes now." I can barely contain the excitement in voice.

At first, everyone is confused, until Delly finally speaks up. "Katniss, you're preg-pregnant?" She stutters over her words.

I nod my head. "Oh my gosh, you're going to love being a mother!" Delly squeals. "I can help you prepare for everything."

"I thought I'd never see the day when Bread Boy convinces Sweetheart to have a baby." Haymitch says in aw, but I can tell he's happy for us.

"We're due in mid-june." I add. The faces everyone displayed this evening is something I'll forever keep with me.

After everyone leaves, Peeta and I sit on the love seat in the living room with two presents under the Christmas tree, Lucy is sitting at our feet, Lucy is starting to get really old and at some points throughout the day, it's even hard for her to move.

"I'll give you my present first." I say and hand him the small gift bag. He opens the gift, he smiles as he reads what the necklace says.

"I love you to the moon and back too Katniss." Peeta says and kisses my lips and puts my half of the necklace around my neck and I do the same for him. "Now here is your present." Peeta gives me a large box that is wrapped in a forest green wrapping paper. It's an orangeish redish color, "It reminded me of a special Girl on Fire. There's more too."

I open the rest of my gift the other is what brings tears to my eyes, it's a picture of me and Peeta in kindergarten or first grade. "How on earth did you ever get this?" I ask.

"I was going through some old pictures I had moved in my Victor Village house before the bombings, and I found this. I remember I had to convince my dad to get this printed in a picture." Peeta recalls.

"Thank you, I love it." I kiss Peeta on his neck, then his check, temple, and then, finally his lips. Peeta starts to deepen the kiss and we eventually end up in our bedroom with Peeta on top of me.

"Now are you ready for other Christmas gift Mrs. Mellark?" Peeta asks in a deep and low voice. I nod and we begin to slowly strip each other's clothes off.

**Yeah, nothing too too exciting happened in this chapter, but as we get closer to Baby's birth. I also love one shots or mini stories of Peeta and Katniss raising their kids, there aren't as many of them as I wish, but if you know of a good Everlark baby fanfiction, could you please give me the link? I'll love you forevers! Review?**


	9. Chapter 9

I'm** not sure if the dates are adding up, but lets say Katniss is 20 weeks pregnant. **

It's February. I'm 20 weeks pregnant. Halfway there. I can't cover the baby bump at all, I haven't felt the baby move yet, but Dr. Gray says because I'm so small, our baby won't have as much room to move around. I freak the fact our baby won't have enough room, but Dr. Gray says it's fine.

I don't go hunting anymore, Doctor's orders and also if I do, I'll give Peeta a panic attack, so I spend most of my days alone in the house, or at the bakery. But today, I'm with Haymitch. I wanted to do some spring cleaning at Haymitch's house. Lord knows the last time the floor was mopped or he had clean clothes to wear.

"Sweetheart, how on earth did Bread Boy convince you to have a baby?" Haymitch asks, he's sober right now, but it's only morning and the train with supplies from the capitol arrives later today. He's sitting at the kitchen table, while I do the dishes that haven't been washed in what looks like months.

"His name is Peeta." I snarl while I'm washing the dishes. On some of the dishes I have to scrub longer and harder because of how long the food on the plates has been left unattended. It makes me want to vomit at that.

"Sorry. How did Peeta ever convince you to have kids." Haymitch throws back at me. I sigh and put down the dish I was scrubbing.

"Well, I have a husband, and I care about what he wants, even if it is what I want." I reply trying to contain my annoyance about going on this subject.

"I'm sure you do, it only took you 15 years to get pregnant." Haymitch retorts. I really don't want to go through on how long it took for me to get pregnant, we almost went with surrogacy.

"Yeah. But I'm pregnant now." I practically scream at him and leave the kitchen. _He can do the rest of the dishes himself. _I think. I go up the stairs and start on some laundry that needs to be done. I've been cleaning nonstop recently, Dr. Gray also said that it's natural for me to want to clean all day. It's my motherly instincts kicking in. That calms me a little to know I have at least some motherly instincts. Haymitch and I don't talk for the rest of the time I was there.

Later that night, Peeta and I sit around at the dinner table. We don't really talk, there just isn't much to say. I asked him how his day was, and he asked me how my day was. The dinner was lasagna, Peeta offered to clean up since my ankles are a little swollen and he offered to massage them after. I walk into the living room, and sit on the leather couch, I could hear Peeta walking around in the kitchen, even after all of these years, he still cannot walk quietly to save his life. He used to come in the woods with me, I cringed every time he would step on a dead twig and scare away all of the game even though if I caught an game or not, we would still have dinner.

I propped my feet up on the couch as well. I turn on the t.v. and watch the Panem News, the host is Ceaser, the one who hosted the interviews before the Games, and Claudia was his co-host. I shift constantly trying to find a comfortable spot, which I fail miserably at. After many times shifting and turning, I finally find a half way comfortable spot. I listen in to the news, it turns out elections for the district mayors are next week and the district representatives. I also hear the rumors about me being pregnant, I'm sure it won't belong before Plutarch will be calling Peeta and I for an interview, like he does every year and how we always deny it.

I suddenly feel a discomforting flutter in my stomach, then a kick against my side. Did the baby just kick? The baby does it again and I bring my hand to the spot where I was just kicked hoping to ease the pain a little. I never feel my stomach. Ever. Peeta almost never touches it either because he knows I hate it when someone touches my stomach. "Peeta." I say terrified.

"What?" He yells from being in the kitchen. I don't respond, but he comes to my side anyway. "Katniss what is it?" He asks with concern in his voice. I don't respond because I feel the baby kick again, he comes closer and holds both of my hands.

"The baby kicked." I blurt out. "The baby kicked. He's healthy. He isn't dead." The kicking hurt a little, but it also brought comfort knowing that he's alive and healthy.

Peeta's face lights up with joy, I take his hand and guide it to where I last felt the kicking, we wait for a little, but when I feel him kicking again, I look up and see if Peeta felt it, but the smile of joy on his face answers my question. "Does it hurt?" He asks after I feel the baby done kicking.

"A little. It's uncomfortable." I admit, but Peeta kisses my stomach where the baby was previously kicking. When Peeta is sure the baby is done kicking, Peeta goes back into the kitchen to finish cleaning up before we call it a night.

I look up at the fireplace, and above the fireplace is a home to a picture of me and Prim. I remember that day crystal clear, it was taken right before I left for the capitol to end the war, it was when we were in District 13, that was one of her last few days of her awfully short life. I shudder at that memory. How when she was reaped, I volunteered, how a spark for the rebellion started because I pulled out the berries about to commit a double suicide with Peeta once they rechanged the rules on us. I wonder if I wasn't reaped if Peeta would have lived. If the Prim would have lived? Would Cato have won the Games? Would the rebellion even have started? Would the Quarter Quell twist be the same? Or the worst thought comes to mind, would there still be Games? Still innocent kids being killed for the capitol enjoyment. After I think about it all, this whole rebellion started because I vowed to keep my sister safe, but yet she still died, not from the Games, but from the rebellion. "I won't fail him Prim. I promise you." I say to the picture wondering if Prim could actually here me where she is at now. Probably not, but the fact is still comforting that she is watching over me in some way, she is my guardian angle, and I hope she guard the baby as well. "I won't fail you either little one." I tell the baby, I hope it's a boy, the last thing I needed was a baby as a reminder of Prim. Have a daily reminder that she's gone and not coming back. I long for a baby boy, it would also be nice to have a mini Peeta running around. I hope this little baby will have his dad's smile, his laughter, personality, face features, hair color, eye color, face shape. If he has anything that resembles me, well lets say he's screwed.

The next time Peeta and I go into town, there are several people touching my stomach, and I gave them the stares that could kill them. I didn't even touch my stomach, not even when he would kick and it would hurt. After the trip into town, Peeta noticed my death stares to some of the people who touched my stomach, he stopped talking to him, the baby, he wouldn't touch it or kiss it. That made me feel guilty, but I never told him _he _couldn't touch it.

Our next doctor's appointment, Dr. gray said everything was picture perfect. I smile at that, but there's quote that my dad gave me when I was younger when he teaching me about survival, 'hope for the best, but prepare for the worst', and that's what I'm doing, I'm not going to get attached to this baby and to give birth to a still born baby for have a miscarriage late in the my pregnancy, I asked Dr. Gray about miscarriages in the third trimester, she said that they don't happen often, but they still do occur.

I don't know if we're having a boy or girl, but either one, he's gymnast or a soccer player of something because he never stops kicking, he prefers the very early hours of the mourning to start to kick me in the bladder or in the gut. The only time he stops is when Peeta talks to him or kisses where he just kicked. This goes on for a few weeks, every night, he would kick and Peeta would be there and make it stop. But this night, I decide to confront Peeta when he talks to the baby. "Baby, you need to stop kicking Mommy, she needs her sleep as well as you do." He whispers, and sure enough the baby does stop it's kicking for a few minutes. When Peeta speaks up to talk to him again, I can't keep a still face, so I sit up and lean against the head board on the bed. "Sorry Katniss, I didn't mean to wake you, I know you don't like it when.." I don't let him finish his sentence before I kiss him.

"You can touch my stomach, Peeta. It's your baby too." I see. "I just don't like it when other people touch it."

Peeta smiles at this and starts to carry on a conversation with the baby.

* * *

Weeks pass by and I'm 30 weeks pregnant, only 10 to go and I still haven't told my mom yet. I don't know how, but the pregnancy rumors died down but my stomach is huge, Peeta and I can't even have sex anymore because it just gets in the way. I feel fat. No, I am fat. And ugly. The stretch marks run all around my very swollen stomach. I even use the stretch mark cream, but nothing helps them. Peeta assures me that I'm beautiful no matter how ugly I feel or am and how fat I get.

"Peeta, could I ask you something?" I ask him one evening while we're cuddled up on the couch.

"Of course babe. Anything you know that." He replies.

"I don't want to give birth at the hospital." I admit. "I trust them, but I want to give birth here. At home."

"Who would deliver the baby. I mean I couldn't, and I'm sure you wouldn't want Haymitch either. And wouldn't we want to be somewhere that has delivered babies in case God forbid something happen to the baby, we can be where she can get the proper right away?"

"I want my mom to." I simply reply back. "I still haven't called her about the baby. What kind of daughter am I? My mom has no one left, Peeta. I stopped talking to her completely. I haven't even seen her since our wedding, I haven't told her about her grandbaby, I'm the only one who can give her a grandbaby. She probably doesn't even want to see me." I mutter the last part really quietly. I go on and on about how horrible of a daughter I've been throughout my whole life. I realized how if I had kids and Peeta died, I would want to shut myself away from the world and get rid or forget about the pain. I can never forgive her what she did to Prim and I, but I've walked through her footsteps and realize how hard it would have been. And that's how Peeta and I ended up in the study where we keep one of our phones and where her phone number is pinned on a bulletin board on the wall.

I nervously dial her number wondering if she has moved at one point during these fifteen years almost sixteen. I wait for the rings, "Hello?" A voice says, I can recognize it anywhere...

"Mom?"

"Katniss, is that really you?" She asks in astonishment.

"Yeah, it really is." I confirm.

"How are you, I mean it's been so long."

"I've been good. But I have something to tell you." I admit.

"Go on honey."

"I'm pregnant."

"So the rumors were true?"

"I guess they were." The conversation isn't filled with any excitement yet, but we're talking and that's important. This is the most we've talked in a real long time.

"How far along are you?"

That question makes my stomach twist and turn. I've gone through most of this pregnancy without telling my mom, the one lady who has always loved me unconditionally throughout my life. "30 weeks."

"Only ten weeks left. Is it a boy or a girl?" I can hear the excitement and joy in her voice as she learns more about her soon grandbaby.

"We wanted to keep it a surprise, but I was wondering if you could come here to District 12 for the birth," I take a deep breath before I ask her the other part of the question, "And deliver the baby?" There was no response for several moments, "Mom, are you still there?"

"Yes, it would be a privilege to deliver the baby." We talk for two more hours on the phone, just catching up from the past few years, she doesn't work anymore, only when she needs to fill in for someone. But she goes to talk at schools a lot and explains what an impact the rebellion and war had an impact on her and on her family how it tore us apart and what it was like to raise the 'Mockingjay'. "So I'll see you in six weeks. I love you Katniss."

"See you in six weeks, I love you too." I say and hang up the phone. I walk out of the study and into an extra room downstairs where Peeta is painting."So how did it go?" He asks stopping painting to look at me.

"We'll be seeing her in six weeks to deliver the baby." I say and Peeta gets up off of his stool and kisses me.

**yeah, this is short, but I felt that this was important? Please, please, please review, even if it is on guest, I don't care. And a big shoutout to browniangle for reviewing a lot. And to everyone else who has been reviewing :)**


	10. Chapter 10

***warning character death***

It's early March and this is Lucy's favorite time of year, she always whines at the door to go outside in the morning and won't return until later that night. Lord knows what she's up too, but ever since our neighbors bought some horses, we can't keep her away from over there, so that would be my first guess where she is. One year she went hunting and brought us home a little surprise, a rabbit. We didn't eat it, of course, but we still praised her for it. It's the thought that counts right?

"Peeta, have you seen Lucy?" I yell at Peeta who is somewhere downstairs, probably in his art studio room. "I haven't seen her since this morning."

"No, I haven't seen her." He yells back. I walk, well wabble, to the art studio where Peeta is.

"Where do you think she is?" I ask. Peeta pats his lap wanting me to sit, "Are you sure, I'm too fat to sit on you." I ask a little embarrassed about my weight.

"Just sit Katniss." Peeta motions. Once I take a seat on his lap, I move around some to find a comfortable spot on his lap. He starts to slowly plant soft kisses on my neck. Even after all of these years, I still get the chills and it still makes the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

"But what about Lucy?" I ask getting Peeta's attention back.

"If she doesn't come back by tomorrow, we'll go to look for her. She's probably out causing trouble again." Peeta suggests, "She's probably off at the barn again with the horses, she loves it there. Even thought the horses almost tried to kick her. She'll learn one day." I laugh at the memory when Lucy first found out about the horses, how she almost got kicked but still went back there not learning her lesson.

I nod in agreement with Peeta, but I still have a bad feeling about this. She's never ran off like this before. Since, I'm 32 weeks pregnant, I can't find any comfortable spot to lay in for sleeping, I use two pillows for my head and another down at my feet to keep them elevated. I wake up every few hours to find my new spot I would sleep in.

The kicking from our baby is what wakes me up, once he starts kicking, it takes a while to get him to stop, it's 7 a.m., so there is no point on trying to go back to sleep. I get up out of bed and head downstairs, even though I'm pregnant, I can still walk stealthy throughout the house without Peeta ever hearing me. I go to sit on the couch to relax some, but before I can get there, I can hear my stomach grumble with hunger. "Guess I'm going to go to the kitchen." I mutter and go to the kitchen instead. I go through the fridge, there's leftover food, but nothing seems to satisfy my cravings, what I really want right now is some laundry detergent and chalk. But realize that would probably kill me, but some pumpkin seeds sound really delicious right now. I take the whole bag of pumpkin seeds with a bag of tedddy grahms and walk back into the living room and turn the t.v. on onto Good Morning Panem.

The capitol fashion isn't as peculiar as it used to be, but some of the fashions I will never understand. Like hair dying or sometimes even the heavy makeup or skin dying. "Now next up, we have a very special surprise for all you." One of the anchors says, I can tell she isn't wearing a wig, but on top her hair is a lighter blonde and then a chocolate brown underneath. Her makeup is light, but you can still tell she's wearing it.

"Welcome back to Good Morning Panem." Another anchor says, she's wearing more ridiculous clothes, much like the clothes Effie would wear during the Victory Tour. "Look at this picture on your screen and take a wild guess who it is." I can only imagine what the surprise is, until I see the picture. It's a picture of Peeta and I in town a few days ago with my bulging stomach. "Our very own Mockingjay is pregnant with her co-victor of the 74th Annual Hunger Games and the 75th as well."

"I think this picture is very sweet Jill. I wonder why it took them so long to have kids. An inside source told us that Katniss never wanted kids but Peeta did."

"Maybe they had conceiving issues." Another anchor suggests.

"Whatever the reason why, it's so good to finally see them have a kid. I want an interview of them two. Maybe we could call up Plutarch?" One of the anchors says, Jill I think her name is.

"She's pretty big for only being 32 weeks pregnant." One chimes in.

"Maybe she's carrying twins?" Another squeals.

"Wonder what is the gender. Or if they're going to name the baby after Cinna, Katniss' stylist in her Games or Primrose, her beautiful little sister who she provided for after her dad died in a tragic mining accident." Jill wonders. I can only stare at the t.v. in horror. I'm not sure why I'm so mad, I knew the capitol would find out sooner or later, but I guess I don't want my child anywhere near the Capitol or the media.

I continue to listen to them on their opinions about my pregnancy, they did mention how much weight I have been gaining and continuing to gain, but they did mention on how happy they were for the both of us, and I guess that is what I really wanted to hear from them, I just hope to God they won't be throwing me a baby shower.

I can hear Peeta get out of bed and walk down the stairs, "Shit." He mumbles, but loud enough so I can hear him.

"Run into the furniture again Peeta?" I half tease.

He walks closer and I can see him now, "No, the furniture just moved overnight." He retorts.

"So, Panem knows I'm pregnant." I say casually. He gives me a confused look, "I was watching Good Morning Panem this morning."

"Oh." Peeta says then there's an awkward silence. "Did Lucy ever come home?"

I break the eye contact and look down at the ground. "No."

"Well, how about I go and make some breakfast, then we can go out looking for her?" Peeta suggests and I nod. We eat cinnamon rolls, I keep surprising myself on how much food I can eat. I had four cinnamon rolls plus the food I had this morning. We clean up before changing clothes and go into town.

It's starting to get warmer since spring is coming, I dress in a pair of running shorts and one of Peeta's long sleeve white shirts while Peeta is in a pair of khaki shorts and a blue t shirt.

"Why don't we check the barn first." Peeta suggests and leads us down that way. The barn is on the way to the Seam, so we will check the seam next. No one lives in the Seam anymore, only a few young couples who are just starting out on their own. To get to the Seam, we have to go through town, thought it's still early, there are many people still out and about. The people we come across smile at us and some wish us the best of luck.

The barn is a big red brick building, it houses many horses, young and older girls, even some boys, love to learn how to ride horses. I open up the barn and am greeted by a ton of horses and their whinney's. Peeta and I look in every stall and even where they store the hay and the tack room.

Peeta can see how upset I am, "Maybe she just went into the woods." Peeta suggests trying to add some comfort to the situation.

I shake my head, "No, she would have came back by now. She knows the woods with her eyes closed like I do."

We continue to search throughout town and once we search the last place we think Lucy could possibly be, she's not there. "Peeta, she's nowhere." I say getting frustrated and let out a tear. We've had Lucy for almost 16 years, she was there when Peeta had to travel for extra research on his hijacking. Or on some days when I couldn't get out of bed because of my nightmares or because I couldn't get pregnant. She was there, either in the bed or right on the floor next to me.

"Let's go home. You're probably exaughsted and it's not good for you to walk around like this." Peeta demands.

"But we can't go home without her." I whimper.

"Let's go home, then I'll come back out to look for her." Peeta compromises. We walk back to our house in the Victor's Village, I'm exaughsted to be honest and my ankles are really swollen. "Let me go use the bathroom." Peeta quickly pecks my lips and runs to the powder room.

I walk outside onto our back porch and decide to go sit on a swing and look over a baby book for names. I sit on the swing and off in the near distance, by a tree, I see a blonde figure. It takes me about two seconds to have an idea who or what that is. "PEETA!" I shout. "PEETA COME HERE QUICK!"

It doesn't take him long before he stands right on front of me. "Katniss, what is it?" Peeta asks panting. I don't respond. "Katniss, tell me." I point into the distance right at the tree. He must see it too. He takes my hand we walk down the stairs to the tree. It's Lucy. Peeta goes down to feel a pulse and shakes his head. That's his signal to me that she's dead.

"They always go away to die." I say chocking on my own words still not believing that she's gone. Peeta looks at me and gives me a confused look. "Dogs know when they're going to die. So they go away to do it. Away from their families." Peeta kisses my temple and puts a comforting arm around my shoulders and I lean into his chest to cry.

Within the next hour, we (we as in Peeta) dug a hole for Lucy to bury her. "Any thing you want to say before we cover her up?" Peeta asks with the shovel in his hands and sweat trickling down his face.

"I remember when you dug a hole by the primrose bush and how I wanted to kill you." I recall. "Or how on the days I couldn't get out of bed and Peeta went to the bakery, you were right there. You loved the woods, loved to go hunting with me. And the lake. I could go on and on, but that would take days possibly. But I'm sorry you never got to meet our little baby." I apologize. I feel like a bullet hit me right in the gut.

Peeta covers up the hole and we sit on the swing on our back patio. "It feels like I failed her." I admit looking straight ahead.

"You didn't Katniss, I'm sure she died of old age. It happens to all dogs eventually." Peeta comforts he puts his arm around me, but I'm still tense. I open my mouth to say something, but the phone rings, "I'll get that." Peeta says and gets up off of the swing. I follow him not wanting to be alone out here.

I beat him to the telephone in the study and I pick it up.

"Hello?" I say into the telephone.

"Katniss?" The voice asks.

"Yes?"

"This is Plutarch, I was wondering if I could send a video crew to District 12 for an interview?"

"Absolutely not."

"But why not?" He pleads.

"Because I want to be left alone."

"But Panem wants to know about their mockingjay, because she is pregnant! And if you agree to this, I won't ask you for another interview."

That catches my attention. "Promise?" I test.

"Promise." He confirms.

"Fine." I agree.

"Great, I'll be sending the interviewers in a few short weeks.

I don't respond but hang up the phone.

"What did the caller want?" Peeta questions after I hang up.

"Looks like we're going to have an interview." I say. And Peeta looks at me like I have two heads. He knows I hate interviews. I hate the media. But this is an exception, because I don't the media around when the baby is born. "He promised this would be the only interview." He nods.

* * *

Plutarch kept his promise because two weeks later, when I'm 34 weeks pregnant, the interviewers and film crew set up a place where we would do the interview. The hair and make up crew came, I almost killed one of them when he tried to put makeup on me. I haven't worn makeup since I believe our wedding and I would like to keep it that way. We did the interview in our formal living room, even though this was a home provided by the capitol, our formal living room was the only 'appropriate' place to do the interview.

Peeta and I sit on a velvet color love seat while our interviewer sat on a velvet chair. She asked us how our lives were since we got back to District 12, questions on us, on the baby, is it a boy or girl, is the nursery done yet? I'm so overwhelmed on what we haven't done to prepare for the baby. We still have to buy clothes, baby furniture, diapers, we haven't even made a nursery yet.

"Will you name the baby after Cinna or Primrose?" She asks, the interviewers. Peeta looks at me on this question because we haven't talked about names yet.

"No." I say simply. "We're ditching the flower names or root names. And the bread names. The last thing I could ever do is name this baby after someone I lost that I love. This baby needs his own name, not the ghosts that haunt it." I must of sound harsh or threatening because she soon changes the subject.

The interview went on for two long, dreadful, agonizing hours.

After the camera crews leave I bring up the issue to Peeta while we're eating an early dinner. "Peeta, we haven't made a nursery yet for the baby." I say.

Peeta puts his fork down, "I was going to wait to show you this, but follow me." He says and takes my hand up the stairs, he goes to room that is diagnol from ours and covers my eyes while he opens the door. He lets me open my eyes and I'm speechless. The room is absolutely breathtaking.

We have a mahogany color dresser, rocking chair, crib, and a changing table. I look in the dresser and he has clothes for a boy or girl stacked in there. Onesies, pajamas. The walls have the forest painted on one side then goes to overlook the lake. "Peeta, how on earth did you do this?" I ask wondering when he found the time.

"Well, you did fall asleep early so that's when I did a lot of it. Most of these clothes are from Tyler, because he promises that they're done making babies but some I bought. The furniture, Tyler and I made that. And the other walls, depending if the baby is a boy or girl, is what I paint them." He says.

Peeta is truly the perfect husband/father. He made the nursery when I forgot completely about it. There is no doubt in my mind he will make an excellent father, perhaps the best in Panem.

"What do you think the baby will be?" I ask him.

"Well, I want it to be a girl. But I have dreams where the baby is a boy, so I think it's a boy." He says. I walk up to him and wrap my arms around him from behind the best I can.

"I think it's a boy too." I admit.

"What should we name him?" Peeta asks.

"I want him to have a piece of both of us. So I was thinking that he should have the first letter of each of our names. Like Preston or Kaden."

"Okay, so Payton Kyle Mellark?" Peeta asks.

"It sounds perfect." I confirm.

"So what if it's a girl?" He asks.

"How about Kaya Paisley Mellark?" I ask and he nods his head.

"Payton Kyle Mellark or Kaya Paisley Mellark." He repeats. "The both sound beautiful."

**So this is random, has anyone ever wondered whatever happened to the other countries around the world when Panem formed? Like what about Europe and Asia? Did they know about the Games? Were they even in existence? I don't know, that has always been something I wondere**d**. Oh and thanks for reviewing and favoriting and following. I always get excited when my phone lights up with a new email and I discover it's from this website. **


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry it took me a long time to update, but I hope to try and update sometime today again. Also, I edited this really quickly, so sorry if there are misspellings or whatever.**

I lay on the patient bed in the Pregnancy part of the hospital, I'm 34 weeks pregnant now, and I'm more uncomfortable than ever. There is this one place on my back, that no matter how many times Peeta rubs it, it still has a dull ache. Peeta has been beyond patient with me, catering to all of my cravings or needing a back massage for my back aches at whatever time, even if it is when we were sleeping. We've been seeing Dr. Gray weekly now. At the last appointment she told me since I'm approaching full term that I might start to dilate some. When I asked her what dilating was, she explained that I have to be 10 centimeters to be fully dilated to be able to push the baby out.

Like a normal appointment, Dr. Gray checks my weight, we can see the baby's face, blood tests, and hear the heartbeat. Every time we hear the heartbeat, I cry a little harder each time and Peeta's smile gets a little bigger.

She feels my birthing canal, "Well, you're not dilated at all yet." She confirms taking off the plastic glove. I let out a sigh of frustration. "Don't worry, you still have about six weeks before you're full term, but it's perfectly okay if the baby wants to come out early at this point. Give it two more weeks and the baby should have it's lungs and brain fully developed."

She washes her hands and Peeta helps me sit up. "Do you have any more questions?" She asks.

Peeta looks at me, we haven't told Dr. Gray that my mom will be delivering the baby. "About the delivery." I start "We talked about it, and we wanted my mom to deliver him. It's not that I don't trust you or anything. But my mom and I need this. For our relationship." I hope Dr. Gray's feelings aren't hurt, I just really want my mom to deliver the baby.

"Don't worry about it. I figured that you would go with that choice. Your mom is a very good choice. She knows everything there is to know about babies and the delivery through all possible complications." She smiles, "But, I will be seeing you back next week. Just six more weeks before full term. I'd say we should have a baby by June 19." I think about that, that's a little over a month and a half before we have a baby to take care of. Its still doesn't seam real that Peeta and I will soon be parents to a boy or girl. I wrap my arms around my stomach, I look like I have two basketballs under my shirt, not even an exaggeration. And I'm still not even full term, I'm dreading to see what I'll look like then. At this point, I still don't even know how Peeta can love me.

* * *

Like my mom promises, she arrives on a train from District 4. She's aged a lot, but she still has the same beautiful face she did when she was younger. She seamed like she had been crying before she got here, some tear stains on her cheek, if I were her, I would have cried too. Not knowing what to expect from your only blood family member that is still alive who has ignored her. She embraces Peeta and me the best she can with my very swollen stomach.

I'm 36 weeks pregnant, and Dr. Gray assures that if the baby is born after 36, their lungs are fully developed, they may be a few pounds lighter, but their organs are developed and that's important. My mom also assures Peeta that he can work at the bakery without having to worry about me. He hasn't been going to the bakery as much as he used to since I hit 32 weeks, even now with the expert care my mother offers, he still has a hard time going and then staying there.

"Make sure you call me if anything happens, okay?" Peeta asks with the urgency in his eyes.

"Don't worry, we've got everything under control." My mom assures and ushers Peeta out the door so he can get to the bakery.

This is how it's like every morning. I barely get any sleep, my mom makes me breakfast, assures Peeta he can go to the bakery, Mom rubs my swollen feet, massages my back and makes me lunch. Sometimes we'll watch Good Morning Panem and laugh at the some of the rumors they have of me and my pregnancy. Right now, they're convinced I'm having triplets because of how big I am. I was self conscious at first, but once I heard how lost and confused the hosts and hostess were, I couldn't keep myself from laughing.

"And Dr. Gray says you have not dilated at all yet?" My mom asks.

"Yeah. How long do you think I'll be in labor?" I ask, "I know it's really painful, what does it feel like?"

"Well," My mom begins, "I was in labor with you for about five hours, but for Prim, it was about a day and a half." She winces as she mentions Prim. I hardly ever talk about Prim, unless it's to Peeta which is still very rare but never to my mother.

"I remember hearing you." I interrupt, "When you were in labor with Prim."

"Yeah, it was really painful. But I'm not sure I can explain what it feels like, but they say it's the second most painful thing next to being burned alive." She explains.

"Well, I've survived the burning part." I say trying to calm myself. My mom gives me a simple smile and we continue watching t.v.

"I'm home!" Peeta calls out at around 5 p.m, the normal time he gets home.

"Guess who drank a whole gallon of fruit punch today at lunch?" My mom yells back in response. I give her the death stare.

"Should I take a wild guess?" Peeta teases back.

"Shut up." I reply angrily which only makes my mom and Peeta laugh extra harder.

Peeta fixes dinner, like he always does, he cooks fetachini alfrado, something I've been craving a lot during my later part of my pregnancy. Peeta picks at his food with his fork, when I'm on my second plate, he has barely made a dent into his food. "What do we need to do to prepare for the birth of the baby?" Peeta asks trying to contain his nervousness in his voice, which he does very poorly at.

"There isn't very much to do at a home birth. I have everything we need, we have the sheets for the bed, the gloves, and almost everything you can think of. I'm assuming this is also going to be a drug free birth?" My mom looks at me and I nod agreeing with what she said. "But start keeping a pad of paper with you, since you're going to start feeling braxton hicks, which are practice contractions."

"But how do I know if it's labor or braxton hicks?" I wonder.

"Braxton hicks won't have a pattern. It will happen every five minutes, then fifteen, then ten, then twenty. But with real contractions, there will be a pattern. Every few minutes. And sometimes, your labor will start off with having your water breaking first ." My mom explains.

"How will we know when her water breaks?" Peeta questions

"Trust me, you'll know." My mom laughs.

Peeta nods, not seeming as on edge as he did earlier. I can tell he's going to be a great dad. He'll do anything to keep the baby alive. Even if that means he dies trying to protect the baby.

I go back to sit on the couch like I do almost every night while my mom and Peeta clean up dinner and put away left overs if there are any. "She's craving the weirdest stuff." Peeta starts, "I remember once she told me she was craving laundry detergent and chalk." I hear my mom start to laugh.

"It's normal. She craves what the baby needs. But normally you don't see cravings that weird." My mom says and starts to laugh as well. Peeta and my mom start to laugh and can't stop.

"Shut up." I yell angrily at them which only made them laugh harder. I grunt loudly and walk the best I can upstairs and call it a night.

* * *

"Any day now Katniss, any day." Dr. Gray say at our last appointment, my due date is next week, but she said because the baby is so low, that it could possibly be sooner. I'm nervous for the birth, but yet excited, I won't have to constantly pee or wake up in the middle of the night. Or even these weird food cravings. But she also told me that if I go too far over my due date, and they may have to induce me into labor or even have a c-section. When I asked what the c-section was, Dr. Gray told me it was when they cut me open to get the baby out, all I know is this baby better come out so I don't have to be cut open.

June 19. Today was my due date, the due date Dr. Gray gave me so long ago. But it's here today and I feel no different than I did from yesterday. I have been having braxton hicks contractions a lot, but never in a pattern. The braxton hicks don't always hurt, but they do make me feel uncomfortable. My mom is normally with me at the house and can tell when I'm having a contraction, she gives me a sympathetic look then hands me the pad of paper so I can log this contraction. Sometimes when I'm sleeping and I have a practice contraction, I lean over and tap Peeta until he's awake and he'll wait them out with me always whispering soothing words or playing with a strand of my hair.

"I just want this to be over." I moan over to Peeta later when we're in bed. He leans over and kisses my forehead.

"It will be, just give it a few more days."

"I don't want a c-section." I whimper to him, he pushes a stray piece of hair behind my ear.

"You won't. Dr. Gray says the baby is really low, it will be very, very soon." I nod and snuggle the best I can into him and try to doze off to sleep.

I wake up in the morning to sun streaming in through the window, I'm officially pass my due date. One day overdue. It may not seem like a long time, but if you have been pregnant with this baby, and if you are as big as I am, you would understand. I think I have gained at least twenty pounds. My boobs used to be noticeable, but now, they're well defined.

Once Peeta went to the bakery, my mom made me an egg and cheese biscuit for breakfast. "Mom?" I ask her. She looks up from reading the paper. "Do you think I'll need a c-section?"

"Well, you're only one day past your due date. It's normal for a first time pregnancy to go past your due date. Your bump has been getting lower, and the baby's movement has slowed down, so I'd say the baby is in the proper birthing position." Mom explains. Her knowledge comforts me. Even though I will never fully forgive her for leaving me and Prim on our own, but I know it was the right choice to have her deliver my baby. We continue on with breakfast and I even help her clean up.

"Do you want to go on a walk?" My mom asks, I look at her in confusion, Dr. Gray told me to take it easy, and she knows that.

"But isn't it bad for me though?"

"Back before the war, when women heavily and overdue pregnant asked me how to induce them in labor, I always recommended to take a walk. Do you want to try it?"

"Yes, please. Let me go get my shoes." My mom laughs.

Slowly but surely we make our way out of the Victor's Village and into town. I made a promise to myself to start being nicer to people, so now, when someone waves or smiles at me, I make sure to wave or smile at them in return. The walk is slow, I tire very easily, but we keep going. I see Delly with her son and she smiles and me and tells me how good of a mother I will make.

By early evening, I am back home and waiting for Peeta to return home. My mom went to run some errands around in town. When Peeta is nervous, he paints or bakes. Since the paint smell makes me want to throw up, he's been sticking to baking. He comes home with a variety of pastries to give to me.

"Katniss?" I hear a familiar voice call out to me. It's normal warmth overtakes his voice.

"In the living room." I call out. He walks into the living room to greet me.

"You really don't leave that couch do you?" Peeta asks with a smile tugging at his lips.

"We went on a walk earlier today. My mom told me it helps start labor." I reply matter-of-factly. "And besides, if your feet were this swollen, you wouldn't leave the couch much either." I say motioning to my feet.

Peeta just laughs, "Do you want anything special for dinner?"

I think about it, "Mac and cheese sounds really good right now." I say. Peeta nods and goes into the kitchen to begin cooking.

After dinner, Peeta and I watch t.v. while my mom does something up in her room, "I haven't talked to Haymitch in a while." I mention while watching some reality show the capitol airs.

"You're right. We should probably check on him tomorrow." Peeta states.

We sit on the couch for about another hour before Peeta and I call it a night. Peeta helps me walk up the stairs, he holds one of my hands so he can help me balance while my other hand holds onto the hand railing.

"Why is it so damn hot in here?" I ask him slightly annoyed at how hot it is in our room.

"Why don't we open the window and no blankets tonight." Peeta says while catering to those needs.

"Thank you." I say. I feel bad at how I've been snapping at him lately. It's just my hormones, I don't know why, but I just can't control them.

He nods and kisses me good night. At around 12, I start to feel uncomfortable. Nothing hurts, but I just feel uncomfortable. I roll out of Peeta's arms and onto my side of the bed. A thing of nausea hits me and I'm in the bathroom throwing up my guts, I make sure to close the door so Peeta can't hear me. I don't remember this as being a sign of labor so I try to go back asleep.

About a hour later, I feel a rush of pain shoot through my body, immediately causing me to groan in pain. I grab the pad of paper and right down the time I had the contraction, fifteen minutes later, I feel another rush of pain. I again log it.

I get up and start to walk around. Delly had her son at home and she told me that walking sometimes eases the pain as well. So I decide that it's time to try out her advice and start to walk around our master bedroom, about another fifteen minutes later, I feel a rush of pain, this one stronger than the last, and I can't help myself but to let out a quiet whimper. But the whimper was loud enough to awake Peeta. As soon as Peeta hears my whimper he jolts up in bed. He looks around the room at first trying to find out what caused the pain. When we make eye contact through the dark, he must of realized what is going on.

"Katniss, are you okay?" He asks while he pulls on a shirt and pajama pants over his boxers.

"I think I'm in labor." I say quietly.

"How long?"

"I woke up around 12 and I threw up, but the contractions woke me up at about 1 a.m."

"Katniss, why didn't you wake me up? Wait that doesn't matter. Let me go get your mom." Peeta says and runs out of our room and to the room where my mom is staying. It doesn't take him nor my mom more than a minute to get back in our room. My mom brings over some heavy sheets and her bag filled with supplies. She puts them over our bed comforter.

"What are those for?" I ask her.

"It's just in case we get any baby juices on the bed." I cringe when she says baby juices, which I know basically means blood and other fluids. Even after all these years, my mom remembers I don't do good with blood. "Okay, Katniss, I need you to take off your pants but keep your shirt on." Mom demands.

I'm not used to being naked except for Peeta. But if she is going to deliver this baby, she needs me to be partially naked. I lay down on the bed and wince as another contraction hits. Mom puts on rubber gloves, "Okay, I'm going to see if you're dilated at all. Are you sure you're okay with me looking?" She asks.

"I'm sure. I would have had Dr. Gray deliver the baby if I wasn't" I say and Mom continues.

"I'd say you're about one centimeter dilated." She says. Peeta stands next to her and makes eye contact with me.

"How long do you think it will be?" Peeta asks.

"Well, sometimes women can dilate in a couple of hours but for some it can take days. As long as the baby doesn't seem in distress, we'll follow the plan for a natural birth." Mom says.

Peeta goes out of the room to call Tyler and tell him he won't be at the bakery today and he says he is going to get Haymitch and tell him the baby is coming.

Mom continues on prepping for the delivery. "Were you ever scared?" I ask while I watch her organize some of her tools.

Mom looks over at me confused about what I mean, but she picks up on it. "I was, especially with you. I mean, you were my first baby. I thought you were going to be a stillborn. When you first started to move inside of me, you wouldn't stop. But when the time got closer for you to be born, you stopped. Even though I knew that was normal, I felt like you should have kept moving. But when you were born, you decided to announce to the Seam that you had loud and healthy lungs" She recalls and laughs some.

"I feel like I am going to give birth to a stillborn." I confess. "It's not that I didn't want a baby, I just couldn't handle what could happen is something happened to him."

"So you think the baby is a boy?" My mom asks winking at me.

"I've had dreams I was having a boy." I tell her, "A boy with blonde hair and blue eyes. Just like Peeta."

"Well, when I was pregnant with you and your sister, I had dreams about having girls. Maybe it will be the same for you." She says and continues messing with her stuff.

We sit in silence for a little while longer before I speak up again. "Why were you scared having me if you already knew a lot about pregnancies?"

"Well," She starts, "It just felt wrong. Like I said earlier, I thought I was going to give birth to a still born. But I guess I was wrong."

"Yeah." I say and smile.

"When I was young enough for the reapings, I never would have imagined my daughter being reaped with my other daughter volunteering for her and to win a Games, then another Games then to lead a Rebellion. I'll always be so proud of you and all that you accomplished without giving up and losing hope. But that also shows you got to dream big when dreaming your kid's future."

I smile, I remember back watching my first Games I can actually remember, I remember feeling petrified to even imagine myself going into the Games, but little did I know what I would do in my near future.

I groan when I feel a contraction hit, "That was only about twelve minutes." I point out.

"That's good, that probably means you're dilating. Now get some sleep, Peeta will be back soon and call me if anything major should happen." She says and I nod. About ten minutes later, Peeta shows up with Haymitch, I don't want Haymitch in here to see me all weak because I know he'll never let me live this down, but it's too much work to tell him to go away, so he can stay for now.

I continue to whimper and groan in pain, I look at the clock and it's ten in the morning. I can feel Peeta beside me playing with my hair. "You're doing amazing." He whispers.

I'm about to respond but a contraction hits and I scream in pain, this contraction came with a lot of pain. "Get my mom." I snap at Haymitch. He obeys and goes to get my mom. Smart man.

"Okay Katniss, I'm going to see if you've dilated anymore." I node and spread my legs out so she can check. "Four." She confirms. "You're four centimeters dilated."

"Why is it taking so long?" I whimper out to my mom and start to cry. I probably sound so weak and vulnerable right now.

"There is many reasons why, but it's probably because this is your first delivery and your body is taking some time to figure out what it needs to do." She explains and I nod because I really don't have any energy left to argue with.

Three more hours and I'm only five centimeters dilated, my mom tells me not to worry because it's good that I'm making progress.

"I feel like I need to throw up again." I tell Peeta. He doesn't have time to find me a trash can before I throw up on the floor. "I want this baby out." I start to cry, I feel like absolute crap right now. Peeta grabs a trashcan and puts it by the bed after he cleans up my throw up. The things this boy does for me is unbelievable. "I don't care if you have to cut it out of me."

My mom comes in the room to check me once again, "Seven centimeters and you've been in labor for about fourteen hours now." She says.

"Can I get up and walk around?" I ask. My mom nods and Peeta helps me out of bed. "I want to walk through the hallway." Peeta nods and slowly walks out into the hallway with me.

I take tiny baby steps. Peeta has a strong grip on one of my hands then on my shoulder. As another contraction hits, I let out a scream in pain, a scream so loud I swear all of District 12 can hear me. I turn around so I'm facing Peeta and crying into his shoulder. This is a new kind of pain. It's sort of like the burn I got in the arena of my first Games, but also when Johanna was cutting my tracker out of me. But both of them combined don't match this kinds of pain. "This will soon be over, very soon. I promise." I nod, "If I could, I would go through this for you." He tells me.

"I don't want you to feel this pain." I reply back to him. We stay like this for about another three or four minutes before I feel water dripping down my legs, at first it's just drops, but then it felt like gallons of water come out of me.

"Peeta, I think my water broke." I say.

"Okay, let's get back to the room and tell your mother." He replies trying to stay calm.

It takes about five minutes to get fifty feet or so to our bedroom. "I think Katniss' water just broke." Peeta says while he helps me onto the bed.

"Okay, Peeta, take Katniss to the bathroom and clean her off while I clean up in the hallway." my mom says and Peeta nods taking me to the bathroom.

He closes the toilet seat lid and sits me down on it, he takes a cool wash cloth and rubs it across my head, he takes a warm wash cloth and starts to wipe my inner thighs.

I'm already in tears when I feel another contraction hit and I let out another bloody scream. I lean forward on Peeta's shoulder. He takes me into his arms and rubs his hands up and down my back, this does nothing with the pain. After I'm cleaned up, he takes me back to the bed.

"Since your water broke, I think you might start to dilate faster." My mom says and my face lights up with joy. But she was wrong, 16 damn hours in labor and I'm only 8 centimeters dilated.

"I want some pain medication." I mutter as I'm on my left side waiting for the next contraction to hit.

"Katniss, we don't have any of that, you can only access the epidural through the hospital." My mom tells me gently.

"I don't care." I say. "Give me somethi- ahhh." I scream out when a contraction hits me, I soften my tone of voice before I speak again, "Please get me something."

"Sorry Katniss, but you're almost there. Just think about the wonderful times ahead with the baby." My mom tries to life my spirits but fails miserably.

"This baby is just like Katniss, stubborn." Haymitch says starting to laugh at his own joke. I take the closest thing in my reach, which is an alarm clock and throw it at them. That shut him up for a while.

"I really need to push." I announce. My mom looks at me and nods.

"I'll go ahead and check you." She says and puts on a new pair of plastic gloves. "Okay, you are fully dilated. Haymitch, I want you to grab her left leg and Peeta hold her right leg and we'll go from there." She starts to bark the orders.

Mom grabs her blankets and a thing to go over her mouth. "Katniss, push when you feel a contraction." She says and I nod.

"Okay, push now. One, two, three, four, five, six, keep it up, seven, eight, nine, good job, ten. Relax." Mom says and I gather my breath to prepare to start pushing again. I push for about forty five minutes before I'm beyond exaughsted.

"Just give me the c-section. Just get this thing out of me." I announce.

"I can see a little part of the head, I think possibly on the next contraction or the next if you give really good pushes, we might have a baby." My mom says and convinces me to keep going.

Once I feel another contraction, I start to push again, "The head is out, the hair looks brown." Mom announces, "Look down here." She says, I give one really big push and I can feel the baby slide out of me.

I don't hear the baby's cries at first, but once they fill the room, it's the most beautiful sound in the world.

Mom puts her on my chest and I stare at the baby. "It's a baby girl." Peeta says and kisses my temple.

"Peeta?" I say over our daughter's loud cries, "Can we name her Kendall instead?" I ask him and he nods happily.

Mom takes Kendall away to clean her, "She was born on June 21." Peeta starts, "Do you know what important date happened about 16 years ago today?" He asks and I shake my head not having a clue what he's talking about. "Today was Reaping Day." He whispers. Our baby was born on the exact date we started to talk to each other, the date that brought us close together but also tore us apart and changed us, for the worse but also the best.

"Our baby was born on a day that Panem changed forever." I say to myself.


	12. Chapter 12

**Hi! So very sorry about the long delay, school started for me last week and to top it off, I have soccer practice four nights a week, monday, tuesday, wednesday, thurseday, then games or tournaments on weekends, and they're always out of state, so I'm pretty busy. But thank you to browniangle and the guest who reviewed and everyone else who reviewed, they always make my day. Sorry if there are any mistakes, I edited this really really quick. **

I stare down at awe at our daughter. "She looks like you Peeta." I say in tears, not pain tears of pain like a few minutes earlier, but tears of joy. I can't believe that Peeta and I created this. This beautiful little baby.

"She has my nose, but look at her hair." He points out. He's right, she has my hair color, you can't deny she's my daughter, but you also can't deny she's Peeta's daughter in a way too.

Her eyes are still closed, when Mom takes her from us to clean her up. "She's perfect Peeta." I say and look up at him.

He nods his head, "Thank you for giving me this." He says.

I shake my head, "I'm just glad we have a beautiful baby. And who one who is healthy." He nods in agreement and we await to be able to hold our daughter.

"Damn that baby wants to tell us her lungs are nice and healthy." Haymitch says covering his ears. Kendall hasn't stopped crying since I gave birth, which was only minutes ago, my mom is cleaning her up and washing her the blood off of her.

"You better not curse in front of her." I say to Haymitch who starts to laugh, and he thinks I'm kidding. I'll make sure he'll regret the first time he curses around her, even if she is too young to understand the word.

My mom brings Kendall over to us wrapped in a blanket who is still screaming. "Hi baby." I say softly, I bring her up to my chest and her loud screams soon begin to stop.

"She knows who her mommy is." My mom points out, "She can recognize you from your heartbeat. Your heartbeat is what helps keep them calm in your womb." I smile at how our little baby already loves me, or at least knows who I am.

I look up at Peeta who has tears in his eyes, "Do you want to hold her?" I ask and he nods his head. I hand Kendall over to Peeta and Peeta takes her in his strong, but gentle arms. He stares down at her and awe, she still has her eyes closed, but once Kendall opens them, Peeta's eyes light up. Her eyes are the replica of his.

"Do you think they'll change?" Peeta asks my mom.

"I don't think so, I've never seen eyes that blue before. Not even Prim's eyes were that blue." My mom replies, it's rare that she mentions Prim. And when she does, she tears up, but this time, she doesn't do either. Maybe she's moving on too. And if she is moving on, I'm happy for her. She needs to forget about the past.

Peeta holds her a while longer before handing her off to Haymitch, I don't think I've ever seen Haymitch cry before, but when I bring it up he makes up an excuse like he had dust in his eyes. But deep down, I know Haymitch deeply cares about our daughter. Just like he did about Peeta and I. How he did his best to get us out of both of our Games alive.

I take Kendall back into my arms and when I do, she lets out a loud wail. "Did I do something wrong?" I ask in a panicked voice. Something tells me to lean her head onto my shoulder and pat her back, so that's what I do.

"Calm down Katniss, she's probably just hungry. Did Dr. Gray teach you on breastfeeding?" She asks. I shake my head, "Well, I can show you. You need to take your shirt off." I do that, not caring that Haymitch is seeing my breasts, I mean, he just did see me give birth. "Bring her up to your nipple, have her latch on. It's going to feel odd at first. Might even tickle at first."

I guide Kendall up to my breast and she latches on, Mom was right, it does feel weird. "It sort of tickles." I point out. All of the three adults stare at this little baby, this little baby helped mend my relationship with my mom, this baby gave Peeta what he wanted, and this baby kept me and Haymitch from yelling at each other for almost three whole hours.

"Make sure her nose doesn't get too close to your breast, if they touch, it may stop her from breathing right." My mom points out, and I make sure her nose is no where near my breast.

"How do we know if she's done." I ask.

"Well, if she stops nursing to begin crying, have her latch on again. But if she stops and doesn't cry, switch breasts and nurse her on the other side." Mom points out.

After Kendall was done nursing, Haymitch and Mom left the room to give Peeta and I some privacy.

"You did really good today." Peeta says and kisses my temple.

I offer him a weak smile and change the subject. "I don't know how I never wanted children. I mean she's the perfect combination of you and me." I say and I start to cry some. Peeta is quick to wipe away some of my tears. Kendall lays on her back in between Peeta and I. She has my hair, but she does have Peeta's nose and eyes.

"What will we tell her about my nightmares? And your flashbacks? And the Games. And why she has no grandfather's or aunt's or uncles or cousins." I ask, I'm freaking out over something she won't have to learn about for years. I wonder how she'll handle it. Learning about the Games in school. Actually visiting the very arena her parents almost died in.

"I guess we'll tell her how we get through it and together we manage. Even though there are several days were we can't eve get out of bed. She'll understand when she's older. We have the book to help her understand in a way. And besides, we have a while before she will learn about this."

I nod feeling a little reassured. "Look at how her lip trembles when she breathes." I point out.

"I remember when I would see Rye sleeping, both of them used to do that in their sleep." Peeta says, I can tell he's on the verge of tears. When he said 'both of them', he meant his two older brothers, Will and Rye. How their lip would tremble when they would sleep. Peeta rarely mentions his family or brings up a childhood memory. I don't blame him, thinking about in the past brings up so many painful and fresh memories you try to remove from your head.

* * *

It's hard to believe that Kendall is already a week old. My mom showed Peeta and I possibly everything we need to know about Kendall and what she will need. There haven't been any cameras around District 12, like Plutarch said there wouldn't, but I know soon Panem will want to see a picture of our baby. And we'll show Panem pictures of Kendall, when we're ready of course. Peeta and I sent out pictures of Kendall to close friends like Johanna, Gale, Annie, and Effie. I haven't brought her out into town yet, but we will when we're ready too. But Tyler and his family and Delly and her family have already seen her.

Peeta went back to work at the bakery this morning so for the first time since Kendall has been born, and this will be his first full day in a long time, I'll be alone. But at least not completely alone, I'll have Kendall. I get up with Kendall every time she needs to eat since I can really only provide the milk for her. Mom says we could try to bottle feed her once or twice a day so I don't always have to get up, but I've read that if you breastfed your baby, it helps protect her from diseases and sickness when developing. So for me breastfeeding was the obvious choice.

Kendall likes to sleep in the early morning but wide awake in mid afternoon. She eats about every two and a half hours and needs to be changed about every three to four hours. On Good Morning Panem, I saw that the capitol and most of the citizens of Panem think I'm still pregnant. But I think today I'll let District 12 know I'm not pregnant by going to visit Peeta at the bakery today. It will be good for Kendall and also me, since we've been cooped up in this house for almost a full week.

I look over at one of the cribs we have downstairs with Kendall occupying it, she's sleeping for now, but any minute now I think she'll be awake since it's almost 11.

It's not much longer before she lifts her head up and starts to cry, not a hungry cry, which I've identified as more of a loud wail, but a lonely cry. Sometimes at night I'll hear her lonely cry and bring her into bed with Peeta and I. I walk over to the crib and pick her up. "Do you want to go visit Daddy today at the bakery?" I ask her as she starts to calm down on her cries. She starts to suck her thumb, when she first started to suck her thumb, Mom told me that I did the same thing when I was younger as did Prim. Kendall may be the perfect combination of Peeta and I on her looks, but on the tiny things she does, suck her thumb or how her lip trembles when she's asleep, is what her dead aunt and uncles would do. They're still here with us, they're just hiding from us and I think they may be hiding some in Kendall.

One of the many gifts my mom gave Peeta and I for the baby was a carrying pouch, she thought it would be good for when I go into the woods. I can still hunt with her safely attached to me. I carefully carry Kendall into her nursery and grab the pouch. I pull the pouch over my head and adjust it so it would fit her. "Mommy doesn't read directions so lets see how good this turns out." I say to her. Kendall looks up at me, she knows mine and Peeta's voice and sometimes she'll turn to us.

I lift her into the pouch and slowly release her hoping the pouch supports her weight, well it should, because she only weighs about seven pounds. I let out a sigh when the pouch comfortably supports her weight. She rests her head on my chest, probably sleeping. That's all she does for the most part.

I walk out the door and prepare myself for the whole district to see our daughter for the first time. I don't think they even know if we ended up having a boy or a girl. "Well, it's now or never." I say mostly to myself. I walk more carefully knowing that I also have a baby with me, but not just any baby, _my _baby. Well mine and Peeta's baby.

Haymitch has his lights off, I wonder if he's home drunk or maybe even sober. He's come by a lot to check on Kendall. Like I said earlier, he may not want to admit it, but he cares deeply about Kendall.

It's mid afternoon, kids are out and about with their mother's running daily errands while their dads are at work. I see many people, who wave at me and I wave and smile back. "Can I see her?" A lady asks.

I don't want to deny it, because I'm practicing being kind and put other people's feelings first. As long as she doesn't hold her, maybe it will be okay. She walks over to me, her dark hair and dark eyes show that she probably has originated from District 7. "She is so beautiful." The lady comments.

"Thank you." I smile and can't describe at how amazing it feels to have some random stranger compliment on something I helped create.

"Who does she take after more?" The lady is all smile and I can't deny her questions.

"She's the perfect combination of the both of us physically, when I was in labor of her, she had my stubbornness. But she takes after both of us."

The lady says goodbye and walks about her way while I continue my path to the bakery. It's rather busy, many people wait in line while other's sit in the waiting chairs waiting for their orders to be finished. "Welcome to Mellark Bakery, please wait in line and we'll be with you as soon as possible." Peeta says with all of the kindness in his voice. The bakery is a lot bigger than it was back when Peeta and his family lived above it. The walls are painted with his family, Rue, Prim, even Seneca, he let us both live, even though he was a Game Maker, he still deserves to be remembered and everyone else we lost in the war. It's bitter sweet to look at the wall and look at all of people we lost in the war, but they would want us to continue on with our lives. Even Peeta's mother, she called him 'boy' most of the time, but I'm sure she would want him to move on with his life.

I walk in front of the line and behind the counter where Peeta is, he is so wrapped up with dealing with his customers he doesn't even notice me. Everyone in the bakery smiles at me and Kendall.

"I'm so glad you two are happy, you really deserve this happy life after losing so much." A lady around my age said.

Peeta opens his mouth to respond, but I beat him to it, "Thank you. I don't know what I would do if lose her." I respond for him. Peeta now notices me and gives me a smile. I run the register while Peeta helps Tyler bake to get the orders done more quickly. Kendall sleeps through most of the afternoon, her head still resting on my chest. Most of the customers make a comment on her. I smile and graciously accept the compliment.

Times like these and I can't believe I didn't want kids. The way Peeta is around her is phanominal, the patience he has with her when he is trying to put her to sleep and she won't stop crying. Sometimes I think all of District 12 knows when Kendall is unhappy. She seams so innocent, when she hasn't eaten in a few hours, you would think she hasn't eaten something in her whole life. I have always wondered how parents would explain to their kids that they can't afford dinner or lunch today and maybe even the next. I thank God everyday that I never have to worry about her going hungry and dying of some curable child disease.

I have an appointment for Kendall at the medical center today for her shots. I wait in the waiting room remembering all of the times Peeta and I were hear hoping that I was pregnant and then being disappointed when I wasn't. Or when Dr. Gray told me I was unable to carry a child. Kendall lifts up her neck and looks around, there isn't much to see, just like plain and boring walls. There are kid toys in a corner, but I will forever refuse Kendall to play with them knowing the thousands of bacteria occupying the toys.

"Dr. Gray will she you and Kendall now Mrs. Mellark." A young man doctor says and leads us to a room.

I hold Kendall close, while she still is looking around. "Hi Katniss." Dr. Gray says happily, this is the first time she has seen Kendall not on a tiny computer screen. "She's so beautiful." Dr. Gray comments.

"Thank you." I smile.

"Well, we will be doing her newborn shots, and check up." Dr. Gray says explaining what will go on during this appointment.

I hate the thought that we will be causing Kendall some sort of pain, but it is for the best for her. Dr. Gray checks her weight, temperature, and her blood pressure. She leaves the room to get the shots. And returns with seven needles. Dr. Gray notices me staring and tells me what each one is for. "Two shots will be in her arms on each side and one in her thigh each side. Then we have a shot in the heel." I gulp when she says 'heel' just because that must be very painful.

"This one will be for chicken pocks, this will be a booster shot, this will be for niesels, common cold, and the rest are injections for common diseses that occur in childhood. The one in the heel will be to test her lungs."

"Don't worry, I'm sure most of District 12 knows when she is crying or unhappy." I comment and smile.

"She'll be really sore after these, it's normal." I nod my head and hold her down, after the first shot, her wails are so loud and they make me want to cry, I don't know how I'll last through the rest of the shots. Seven shots later, Kendall is still crying, even on our way home. I'm tempted to call Peeta to come home and get her to calm down, but I'm determined to do it myself. So I sing to her. I sing to her like I did when she was in my womb, and that seams to do the trick. Like it always did to Prim...

**Cheesy ending I know, but I'll try and update again this week.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Wow, t's been awhile, but I'm so busy, like it's crazy. But here's the next chapter. Oh has anyone read the Divergent and Insurgent books? I highly recomend them, they're like the Hunger Games in a way, but also completely different. I proof read this really fast so I could try and post tonight, so without any further distractions...**

I start to take Kendall into town almost everyday in her pouch that I have strapped around the front of me. I haven't taken her into the woods yet, but it won't be long before I start to hunt again. Kendall loves looking around in town, if she's not sleeping when we're there, she has her head lifted as best as she cans and tries to look around. But once she spots someone coming, she'll bury her head back into my chest trying to avoid them. I chuckle at that, how she's curious but yet once it comes to people, she would rather not people in town can't get enough of her, some wave, some say some kind words, but some want to touch her. I don't feel comfortable with other people holding or touching her except for some close friends.

I wake up to faint cries coming from across the hallway. Peeta always insists that I wake him up as well so it's not just me getting up with her. I look over at Peeta and see he is still fast asleep. His lips twitch a bit and I wonder if Khe's dreaming. I smile and walk out into the hallway to Kendall's room. Her soft cries begin to grow louder and louder. I'm not an expert on her cries yet, but this one sounds like her hungry one. I walk into the back left corner of her room where her crib is and pick her up. "You hungry?" I ask her and she keeps crying.

I walk to where her rocking chair is and sit down still cradling her. I pull up my shirt and guide her up to my breast, she latches on and begins to nurse. "You know, I never really wanted kids, but you changed my mind about that. I really love you." I say to her, she can't understand me, but Mom told me it's good to talk to them. "I'm not going to be the best mom, I already know that. But luckily for you, you have the best daddy in the whole world, and I'm not even exaggerating." Kendall keeps sucking hungrily as I continue to talk to her, "I don't know how we'll tell you all that we've been through, and how you should have tons of cousins, aunts, uncles, and grandparents. I think even Peeta's mom would have loved you. I mean it's kind of hard not to." I don't even realize I'm crying until I see something wet splat gingerly on her face. I raise my thumb to wipe it off of her.

"You know, we'll make her understand in her own way. With the book to help." Peeta speaks up, he's in the door frame looking at me nursing Kendall. He walks into the room where I'm at. I stand up as Kendall finishes nursing. He wraps his arms around my waist from behind and rests his chin on my shoulder. I can feel his stumbles on his face from not shaving in a few days, "We have each other. Everything will be all right." He whispers, him breathing on my neck still sends shivers down my spine.

"I we can, but once she starts to go to school and kids talk about their family, she'll start to wander why she hasn't met her aunts and uncles and cousins and grandpa's and grandma. It's not fair to her." I admit.

"You're right, it's not fair to her that she won't get to meet so many of her relatives, but she has Gale and his family, Delly and her family, Johanna, Annie. She'll have so many 'other' family members she can meet." He comforts. He lifts my chin up so I'm looking at him and gently kisses my lips. "Bring her in our room for the rest of the night." Peeta grabs my hand and pulls me softly down the hall and back into our room.

Peeta lies down on his side of the bed, I carefully lay Kendall down in the center of the bed and then I lay on my side. "You know, I hear people in town talk about Kendall." Peeta says when it's quiet.

"What do they say?" I ask laying on my back with my eyes closed and my hands placed on my stomach, still protruding some since I haven't lost all of my baby weight I gained.

"How she always has her head up looking around, but as soon as we approach her, she nestles her head into her mamma's chest." I turn onto my side to look at Peeta, "She's all they ever talk about when I get a customer at the bakery." He says and brushes his lips against mine, "Thank you for her." He says.

I'm not sure how to respond to that comment, so I change the subject. "Goodnight Peeta." I say and close my eyes.

"Good night Katniss." He says in a sleepy groggly tone.

* * *

I wake up to small cries, I look over and Peeta isn't in bed. The sun is bright and is already shinning through the windows, I make a good guess that Peeta is already at the bakery helping Tyler fill orders so he can come home sooner.

I reach over to Kendall and gently stroke her cheek, trying to soothe her some before she starts to cry even louder. Her cries soften as I continue to stroke her cheek. I sit up, leaning against the pillows I pull my knees up close to my chest, I balance her on my legs as I pull up my shirt. I bring her up to my breast she can latch on and begins to nurse.

After she was done nursing, I took her downstairs with me so I could eat something. I placed her in a fold up crib, "I think today is the day we go into the woods together. It's not too hot yet." I tell Kendall while eating some cereal. "We're starting to run out of meat and I'm sure some people in town could use some fresh meat." I know she can't understand me, but she can recognize my voice and my mom said it's good for me to talk to her.

I finish up my cereal before we both go back upstairs so I can change into my hunting clothes and I can change her into more suitable clothes for our trip into the woods. I adjust the pouch I carry her in before I place Kendall in there. She's sleeping right now, taking an early morning nap. I smile, on some days, all she does is sleep and on others, she'll be looking around.

I carefully walk down the stairs and out the front door. I look over at Haymitch's house and make a mental note to check on him once I come back from the woods. I quickly walk out of the Victor's Village homes and through town, it's mid morning and on a week day so many people are at work and children are at school. When the cement walkways start to turn into dirt, I start to walk slower, I'm entering the Seam. We don't call it the Seam anymore, in fact, no one lives here in any of these houses anymore. But no one has bothered to build a house on it since the war ended, I guess this is just a reminder and a memorial dedicated to all those families who had to live in the small, cramped houses, whose children who would die from starvation or childhood disease. At times, I wondered how could my mom, dad, Prim, and I live in a house that small for all those years, but then I always remind myself we had what we needed to survive, no more, no less.

"This is where Mommy grew up, there's no houses here, but I grew up in the poor area. But trust me, you'll never have to worry about when you'll be able to find your next meal like I did. I swear on my life." I whisper to Kendall who is still asleep. I continue to walk deeper into the Seam until I find the hole in the fence I always would use to get in and out of here, there is a gate now, but I still prefer this way.

I slip under the fence and go to the same hollowed out log I keep my bow and arrows in. Even though it's legal to hunt, I still keep my bow and arrows in the same place I did when it was illegal to hunt. Just out of habit I guess.

It's summer, the lack of rainfall is making everything dry and dead. Many of the trees are losing their leaves from lack of water, and dead leaves mean crunchy when you step on them the right way. Normally, I could run through the woods without anyone hearing me, but with me carrying a baby, I can't exactly be as quiet as I normally am. Even though I'm not pregnant, it's still hard to move around with a baby tied to the front of you. After a few failed attempts at bring down some game, I decide to take Kendall out to the lake, she always loved the woods when I was pregnant with her, especially where the lake was.

It takes me a while longer to get out to the lake, but we do make it out there eventually. I take Kendall out of the pouch since she is now wide awake and sit her on my lap having her face the lake. I can't help but think that eighteen years ago that Gale and I would meet up here sometimes early in the mornings on a school day to get some hunting in before school. Eighteen years ago, everything was so different. I would never change being with Peeta or having Kendall for anything, but I do sometimes miss Gale and meeting him out here. Out of all the people who I could thought could hurt me, Gale was never on there, but he has hurt me. In an inseparable way. Yes, I have forgiven him, but I just can't forget.

"You know, if I has a glimpse at what my life would have been like, I would have never imagined this. Living my life without Prim, living my life without my hunting partner, living my life without the Hunger Games having me constantly in fear, not living in poverty, winning not one, but two Hunger Games, getting married. The list goes on and on, but I don't regret this. I don't regret this life at all." Whenever I talk to Kendall, I feel like she can understand me, I feel like she is giving me a reply, as much as I know this isn't true, I can't help but feel it.

After about another solid hour of thinking, I decide that I should give trying to hunt another shot. It doesn't take me long before I find a rabbit. Ready. Aim. Fire. Bulls eye. Even though I haven't hunted in a few months, I've sill got my keen archery skills. I carefully skip over to collect my fresh kill, as I reach down to grab the rabbit, I'm conscious of my daughter's head so I use my other hand to support it. It's not much longer before I have at least a dozen kills.

"Maybe you're not that bad of a hunting partner, maybe you could even replace Gale since your father doesn't hunt." I say and kiss the fuzzy brown hair on the top of her head.

I look at the sky trying to judge the time by the sky, it's at least mid afternoon. So Kendall and I slowly but surely make our way back to the fence to reenter District 12. I take a shorter path to get back to the fence, it goes by a smaller meadow, I can't help but to see all the Evening Primroses blooming and I even pass by some Katniss roots. "As long as you can find yourself, you're never lost." I hear my father's voice echo in my head. Days before his mining accident he took me out into the woods on his day off of work, I can remember him teaching me plants and which ones are edible and not and how we have a plant book to reference everything in case we are not sure.

_"Never, never, and I mean never eat these Katniss." My father scolds lightly at me. "These are called nightlock, and they will kill you within a minute of eating a single one of them." _

_It's mid April when all the flowers and bushes are blooming. I mistakenly a blue berry for a nightlock berry. They both look almost identical but nightlock has a slightly darker shade than the blueberries do. _

_"Never eat anything in the woods unless you are a 105 percent positive it's not deadly." _

_"Yes Daddy." I reply back remembering another lesson he just taught me. He takes my land and leads me to the meadow. As I near closer and closer to the meadow, I can feel the nerves taking over. The nerves of my first Reaping in just two short months from now. What if this is my last time seeing this beautiful meadow bloom?_

_"What are you so nervous about?" He asks me as we both lie down in the high grass the meadow has. I don't reply, but I assume he already knows what I'm so nervous about. "Don't worry, you'll only have your name in the Reaping bowl once." He assures me pulling me close into his body.  
_

_"But we need the food. I need to enter my name in more times for the extra terrannecce." I say back. _

_"We can get by, with the food and a little extra money we get from trading, and I'm almost positive I'm going to get promoted to a higher paying minor posistion from now until the Reaping." He assures me. _

_"But what if they pick me." I ask back with hesitance in my voice._

_"It's your first Reaping, you're name will only be in there once, they won't pick you."_

"You'll never have to go through a reaping, I promise." I tell her. The memory of me and my dad in the meadow, back then, I would have never imagined my dad would be dead that time next week, but in my lifetime, I've learned to expect the unexpected so even the unexpected is expected.

We go back through the fence and into town, I drop some of the meat off at an orphanage, they could always use some meat and I trade with Greasy Sae before bringing the remainder of the meat back home to make some stew. I nurse Kendall and then put her in her fold up crib when I start on dinner.

As I'm skinning the rabbit, I wonder if I'll be teaching Kendall how to do this or if she'll be at the bakery with Peeta. If she'll be begging me to teach her archery or begging Peeta to teach her how to make her favorite dessert. I smile at years from now wondering who she'll look like or what her personality will be, will she still be shy? But I don't want my baby to grow up.

**This chapter is short I know, this chapter sucked, but please try and bear with me here, school started and I am so busy. Don't believe me? Here is my weekday scheduale:**

**6 am get up for school**

**6:50 leave for school**

**2:20 get out**

**2:45 get home**

**3: start on hw**

**5: eat dinner**

**5:20 get dressed for soccer**

**5:30 leave for practice **

**6:30-8:30 have practice**

**9:15 get home take shower and start back on hw**

**11:30 got to bed and it starts all over, but on thursdays I have practice from 5-8:30. and on Fridays are travel days if we have out of state games and play saturday and sunday and get back late sunday night. We have Thursday off, so I'll try and update then. Thank you for your genorous amounts of support. **


	14. Chapter 14

**Here's the next chapter, thank you for reviewing, they always make my day and I read every single one of them. (: Oh and once again, I edited this really fast because I'm exaughsted. Once high school soccer season starts, I'll be able to update more. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own the Hunger Games.**

"It's hard to believe she's already six weeks old." Peeta whispers to me laying down on our bed with a sleeping Kendall in between us. He gingerly strokes her brown curls while she sleeps.

"I know. She's growing up too fast." I comment. Peeta leans over and presses his lips to mine. He tries to deepen the kiss. But I pull away before he can demand entrance with his tongue.

"We don't want to scar her early." I say back which makes Peeta chuckles. "And you think I'm trying to be funny." I mutter underneath my breath.

"Before you know it she'll be a year old, then two, then three, and then before we know it she'll be twelve." Back when Peeta and I were kids, twelve was the most important age because that is the first year your name would be in the Reaping for the Games, the second biggest age was eighteen because that would be your last year for the Reaping and then most Seam boys would go to work in the Coal Mines.

"I don't want to tell her about the Games and our roles in them." I admit.

"Lets not think about this now.." But before Peeta could finish his sentence, Kendall awakes with some cries. I immediantly go to pick her up to calm her down, she's not hungry, I just fed her over an hour ago. "I'll do it, you always have to." Peeta picks up Kendall and puts her on his chest, her cries start to calm down some.

"Lets go downstairs and make some breakfast." Peeta says and I follow him downstairs.

I hold Kendall while Peeta hovers over the stove cooking me breakfast. When he's done cooking, I put Kendall down in a play crib so Peeta and I can eat without risking baby slobber get all over our food.

I'm cutting up my pancakes and Peeta is reading a book when Haymitch lets himself in our house. He doesn't look drunk, I know he still depends on his liquor a lot, but he has cleaned himself up since Kendall has been born, which I am pretty impressed.

When he appears in the door way I say something. "Hey Peeta, I read in the paper the other day that there is this new invention, it's called a doorbell and when people arrive at other people's house, you ring the doorbell instead of letting yourself in." I say which makes Peeta laugh and choke some on his coffee.

"Nice to see you too Sweetheart." Haymitch says and grabs a plate of food and sits it in front of him. "Did you see that your little baby of yours made headline news in the Panem newspaper today." Haymitch says nonchalantly like nothing is wrong with that.

I drop my fork. "Why?" I ask with a rush of panic in my voice.

"Well, she is the daughter of the Star Crossed Lovers, Leader of the Rebellion, Daughter of two Victors winning four Hunger Games. The question is why isn't she in the paper?" Haymitch smartly replies thinking he came up with a good comeback against me.

"Haymitch what did they say or I swear to God I will pour out your liquor for the rest of your life." I threaten him.

"Why don't you go look in your paper and find out yourself." Haymitch snaps back at me. He hands me his messed up paper and I begin to frantically search for the article written about us. Just our luck, it's the front page.

_Star Crossed Lovers Finally Have a Baby!_

_Our beloved Star Crossed Lovers' of District 12, Victors of the 74th and 75th Hunger Games and as well as our Mockingjay, finally have a baby. An inside source tells us it took Katniss a while to realize that the Hunger Games will never come back and agree to have this baby, but it took Katniss and Peeta about five years struggling to get pregnant, her body suffered so much trauma, it was unsure she could carry a baby full term, after three devastating miscarriages Katniss delivered a healthy baby girl they named Kendall Paisley Mellark. Another inside source says that Kendall looks like Katniss with her captivating brunette hair but Peeta's deep blue eyes. And that she also accompanies Katniss on her daily hunts. Hopefully, like us, you are very happy for our Star Crossed Lovers and that Kendall will bring them years of much deserved happiness._

My eyes well up, the paper didn't say anything bad, other than saying I had miscarriages, but the fact that Plutarch promised us that us nor Kendall will be in the public eye.

"Katniss, what did the paper say?" Peeta asks with his blue eyes looking at me full of worry. I hand him the paper and leave the table. I walk to the living room to pick up Kendall. I don't know where I'm going with her, but I'm going somewhere. I don't bother to run upstairs and grab her pouch that I carry her in, but I walk out the door making sure to slam it.

By the time I'm out of the Victor's Village I'm already in tears and Kendall is now awake. It's a mid Saturday Morning so people are up and about running their morning errons, at first I don't understand why everyone was staring at me, but then I realized its because I'm crying. Yes, Katniss Everdeen, the girl who was on fire, their Mockingjay is crying. I can't remember the last time I've cried in public, sometime since the Rebellion? I don't know.

I walk through the Seam to get to the place that can always bring me comfort. I walk deep into the forest, I don't take the route to the meadow, the route to the lake with the house my dad built, but the route I always took when I needed food. The route that was almost guaranteed to have some type of animal waiting to have an arrow through it's eye by me.

I was in such a rush I forgot my bow. The path is overgrown with branches sticking out everywhere, I have to be careful where I step so I don't get poison ivy. I remember when Prim got poisin ivy, how I couldn't get her to stop itching until I threaten Buttercup's life. Stupid cat. My arms grow tired very fast since I'm not carrying Kendall in my pouch.

As I'm treaking through the path, I can't help but remember the last time I've been down here, I know this like I know the way to get the my house to the bakery, but traveling down this path brings up memories. I don't think I've been down here since a few weeks before my first Games. The last time I was here, it was with Gale. I sometimes wonder if he still hunts, I'm sure he does, I mean, hunting was a huge part of our lives, it was our lifeline.

Even though my arms and legs are aching, I keep going. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going, but I think that there is a tree house Gale and I built a long time ago. Sometimes we would do homework up there, bring our siblings there for their birthdays or do nothing and just talk and sit there. And that's where I'm headed right now.

* * *

It took me a while to find the tree house, but after a few hours, I found it. It looks as it did the last time I saw it. Of course it aged some, the wood isn't as good as it used to be, but it's still there. At first I'm a little hesitant to climb it, but I decide against it and climb it. I hold Kendall in my left arm and pull us up with my right, step by step.

I find a sturdy piece of wood and sit on it. The density of the woods is thick. Barely any sunlight can get through midday, which I'm assuming it is midday right now. Kendall begins to cry a little, I know she's just hungry. I pull up my shirt and have her latch on and she begins to eat. "I promise you you won't have to deal with reporters and newspapers, I'm still pissed they wrote an article on you because Plutarch promised us they would leave us alone." I say and kiss her forehead. After she finishes drinking, I burp her. And after that, she falls quickly falls asleep again.

I lean up against the railing on the square tree house. A tiredness takes over and that's the last thing I can remember before I'm passed out asleep.

I don't know what wakes me up, but something does. I must have fallen asleep. I panic because I don't see Kendall, but then I can feel her on my chest. I pat her back and I can feel her breaths. There is no lighting outside. How long was I asleep for? My first reaction is to get back on the trail and get back into the safe boundaries for District 12. I may know these woods by heart, but it's still dangerous with all the night animals prowling around. I remember Gale and I were never out on this trail past four because of how dark it gets and how dangerous. I feel a lump in my throat, I just brought mine and Peeta's newborn daughter into some serious danger just because of a newspaper article.

_Way to go Katniss, your husband is probably having a panic attack right now. _That's the last thing I thought before I heard a pack of wolves howel's. Wolves don't exist anymore, but mutations of them do, I forget their names, but their appearance is a wolf, so your immediant thought is that they are wolves, but they can smell humans from miles away, I'm not sure if they can climb, but if they hunt in packs, they're pretty much fearless. Their hearing is very sharp as well, they can hear a twig snap a mile away, if that's not impressive enough, their eyesight is phanominal. They can see defined figures in the dead of the night. There's no point of trying to outsmart them or out hunt them. Instinctivly I grab for my bow and arrows.

"Dammit Katniss." I mutter under my breath. How could I forget my arrows? I always have my arrows in the woods, that was one of my dads rules, if I had to come in the woods, make sure you bring protection. And now I have a helpless baby with me. I silently keep cursing myself, but that won't get me out of this mess.

_Come on Katniss, you've won the Hunger Games, twice, lead a rebellion, won a war, use your brain. _I try to keep calm, I take deep breathes to calm myself down.

A wolf mutation howls and some of the other wolf mutations follow, the noise must scare Kendall because she starts to cry. Perfect timing. "Please Kendall calm down." I comfort her, I pull her tight against me. I don't know what she wants but this is not good timing for her to cry. "Please stop crying our lives depend on this." I stand up and walk around on the tree house. I look down at the forest floor and make eye contact with a wolf mutation...

**lol I suck at cliff hangers **


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's note at the bottom.**

I can hear my heart pounding through my chest, I swear my heart is going to explode. Kendall's crying has slowed down, but the wolf mutation pack can still clearly see us. But I'm such a mess right now, I can't even think straight. I've survived two Hunger Games, took care of myself and Prim for almost five years, lead a rebellion and have kept calm. But now, I'm shaking like crazy. Because this could be the time when my luck runs out and I die, I get killed. I've been lucky so many other times, how much longer before my luck runs out when I'm in life or death situations?

I remember once when I was younger before my dad died, we came across some of these wolf mutations. I try to think back on what my father did to get rid of them, but once I recall that situation visually, I realized that he got rid of them by killing them with a bow and arrow. But my dumb self didn't bother to grab anything for protection.

_Selfish Katniss. Always have to be selfish. _A voice inside my head tells me. The voice is right, I mean, if I didn't overreact to that stupid article in the newspaper, I wouldn't be in this mess. I should have known that at least something was going to be about her in the paper, I mean the country does deserve to know, but I should also have the right to allow what goes in and stays out of newspapers for the whole country to see.

I hold Kendall tighter to me. There was no sun radiating heat to earth, because the sun isn't even out. I see one mutation, I assume who is the leader, try to climb the tree first.

He doesn't get more than half way up. I let out a sigh of relief because maybe, just maybe we both can stay up here until they get bored of us and leave or until someone waunders in the woods to save us. But no one ever comes in the woods besides me and occasionally Peeta, so the only hope I have is hoping that the wolves will go away on their own.

I hold Kendall even closer to me and go to a corner of the tree house and relax against it, Kendall goes straight to sleep, but I don't feel safe enough to fall asleep myself.

* * *

After about two hours of waiting for the wolves to leave from underneath our tree, I lay Kendall softly down in the wooden floor, and walk over to the entrance of the tree house to see if the wolves are still there. They are. And about four more of them too, so there is now a total of ten and there is two of us. And the two of us have no weapons and only one of us can run. There is no way I can escape them now. Even if I did have my bow, it would still be nearly impossible to kill them all without getting killed yourself.

I go back over to Kendall who is now awake, she's probably hungry. I decide to nurse her now even though she hasn't cried yet, I really don't need to wake up all ten wolf mutations. She latches on and begins to suck hungrily. I wonder when I was a newborn if I was ever hungry, like did I miss a meal because Mom didn't have enough nutrains to produce breast milk?

After Kendall is done, she falls right back asleep, I close my eyes, once I think I'm finally back asleep, I see a bright light flash follow by a loud clap.

"DAMN IT." I YELL. "DAMN IT!" I YELL EVEN LOUDER. I can feel the sprinkles of rain start to fall down, one even hits me in my eye. "This cannot be happening." I whimper and start to cry. The rain starts to come down even harder with lightning that lights up the whole forest and sometimes even followed with a clap of thunder.

I can only imagine what Peeta is doing right now. Is he asleep? Of course not. Is Haymitch helping in me? I hope Peeta is smart enough to let Haymitch talking to him to get some sleep, the last thing I want both of them doing is coming into the woods especially with the rain and the time of hour.

I hold Kendall close to me, her clothes are drenched. If I'm not careful, she can catch a cold that can become fatal because of how young she is. My motherly instinct kicks in and I take off my shirt so now I'm only in a bra and I wrap her up in my shirt. I look down at the wolf mutations and they have dissapeared. No doubt that they tried to find shelter. My father's and I's number one rule was to never to wander around in the woods at night, even if you do know where you're going. But what choice do I have? Sure, I can wait back up in the tree house for morning light and the rain to stop, but if the wolf mutations are hungry, they surely will come back.

I hug Kendall close to me and slowly climb down the tree, it's not that far down, ten feet at the most. I could survive the fall, but because of my stupid choice on being mad and bringing Kendall in here without no protection, a fall could kill her. Just another selfish thing I've done in my life.

Once I hit the floor, the leaves crumble beneath me. I cringe at the noise thinking that the wolf mutations will come back. My feet carry me as fast as they can, but once I've ran for almost two minutes, something else stops me. The wolf mutations has superior hearing and running abilities, so I can't attract attention to myself while I have Kendall. If I keep running I have a higher chance at getting lost as well, so it looks like I'm walking the rest of the way.

* * *

I walk for what it seems of hours, and knowing my luck, I probably just walked in circles or went deeper into the forest in the wrong direction. I can see the sunlight slowly starting to break through the woods thick tree top, I don't remember passing this area, but I keep walking.

I make it out of the dense part of the forest, I can now clearly see the sun, it's about midday from the positioning of the sun. I normally can pick out trees I've marked with my knife a while ago so I can find my way back to the fence, but from the trees I've checked for the marks, I've found nothing.

I hear my stomach growl, I didn't realize how hungry I was until now. I look into a tree and find a squirrel staring right back at me, if I had my bow and arrows, the squirrel would now be dead. But I have it with me now, so I keep walking.

I can feel my mouth become drier and drier from not having water, whenever I have fed Kendall this past few hours, it takes her half as long to feed as it normally does, probably because I don't have enough food and water in my system to produce the milk, which only makes me feel guiltier. And if it's to make matters worse, Kendall has started to sneeze and cough, she probably caught a cold from the rain.

"I'm so sorry Mommy brought you into this mess. But I swear I'll find a way out of it. Even if it's the last thing I do." I say quietly to her. I hold her close to me, she has her head snuggled against my shoulder, probably looking around at this new scenery, I kiss the top of her head a few times and keep walking.

I keep walking for a few more hours before I start to see the sun set, I've clearly gone the wrong way, I'm not even sure if I even went the right way once. I clearly don't have the energy to retrace my steps to get back to District 12, but in the near distance, I can see a fence, it's not District 12's fence, but at least it is a fence, and a fence means civilization right? It has to mean that.

I start to walk even faster, avoiding fallen down logs and an occasional hole. The fence gets closer and closer and that only makes me walk even faster, even though I don't have that kind of energy right now. As the fence approaches I recognize it from a long time ago, I'm no longer near District 12, but right outside the fence of District 11.

Instinctively I put my ear close to the fence and to listen for the electricity buzzing. I highly doubt that the fence is electric, but I've got Kendall with me.

I slide under the fence, Kendall starts to cry, not a lonely cry. But a hungry cry, she's probably starving right now. "You can have a full belly once I eat something I say to her."

I don't know my way around District 11, so I follow the lights that are probably from the town. District 11 is nothing how I remember it from the Victory Tour, at the Victory Tour, you saw barbed wire everywhere, security guards, peace keepers, and watch dogs watching over you if you were not doing what you were supposed to. Now, people still farm, but at their own choice.

* * *

When I have reached the lighting, it's nearly dark. I pass by a news stand and see I'm on the front page:

_MISSING: kATNISS AND KENDALL MELLARK_

_Katniss Mellark and her daughter Kendall Mellark have been missing since yesterday morning around ten thirty, Katniss became mad after seeing an article written about her daughter in the newspaper and stormed off into the woods, with her six week old daughter._

_"Katniss normally goes off into the woods when she is upset then will return hours later, always before dark with enough rabbits and squrriels to feed the whole District. So this was normal to us, her going out into the woods with Kendall, we never though anything of it until she never came home." Her husband Peeta Mellark says._

_"When she stormed off, both Peeta and I figured she went into the woods to cool off, we didn't realize she had Kendall until we never heard her crying for attention or for food. We thought she would be back before dark, like she always is, but when she wasn't, both Peeta and I knew something happened." Haymitch Abernathy said. Abernathy was Katniss' and Peeta's mentor in both of their Games and still is a close family friend, known as 'Grandpa' to Kendall. _

_Katniss stands about 5'7 and weighs no more than 125 pounds, she has brown hair and gray eyes with olive skin. Please if you know anything about her wearabouts please call your local police department... (continue on page 4B)_

I newspaper open to read the remainder of the article.

_Abernathy also states that her Husband, Peeta Mellark is an absolute mess without his girls. "If you remember back to before the rebellion, when Peeta said during his interview that Katniss was pregnant, she wasn't really pregnant, he was trying to get her sponsorers to win the Games. They both love each other so strongly I don't don't know what the other would do if the other died. Please, if you have seen her please call and report it. The boy is a mess without her." _

I close the newspaper and fold it back up. I need to turn myself in, but I need to get Kendall and me fed first, so I head to the local diner. I still cradle Kendall even though there is a high chair for her. I order a cheese burger because it had the most calories in it, surprisingly no one asked me anything or gave me any weird looks. When my waiter hands me my bill, I completely forgot that I have no money with me.

_"_Sir." I motion to my waiter, "I have no money with me, but if there is anything I can do to pay it off, I can do it." I explain myself to him.

He's young enough not to know who I am, he was probably only two or three during the rebellion. "Don't worry about it ma'am, it's on me."

Normally I would protest, but since times are different, and no one is struggling to survive, and find food, I thank him and I leave. I feel a hint of guilt in not paying at all, so I make a mental note to somehow give him an award. But before I have time to think, I walk downtown to the police station to turn myself in.

**I'm so sorry on how short this is and how aweful it is. I'm going to keep updating whenever I can, I am so busy it's not even funny. How much homework I have should be illegal considering I'm in only on A.P. class and the rest honors. But hope you enjoyed this chapter and maybe even review/favorite/follow? **


	16. Chapter 16

**This is for the guest reviewer who wanted Peeta's POV (: again I wrote this fast, and didn't proof read it very good, so here it is. **

**Peeta's POV **

I tensed up when Katniss was reading the article written about Kendall, I didn't think she would take it too seriously until she stormed off like she did. I quickly jump out of my chair to go and get her to calm her down, but Haymitch reacts quickly enough to grab my arm, "Leave her Peeta, she'll come back when she's cooled down some. You know how she gets."

He's right, she just needs some time to cool off by herself before I talk to her. Reluctantly I sit back down and finish up the breakfast I had prepared earlier. "What did the article say to get her worked up so bad?" I ask with my curiosity getting the best of me.

"Just something about Kendall, no picture, just a breif description of her and wishing that both of you guys to be happy. She really got worked up over nothing." Haymitch says the last part quietly, probably thinking I wouldn't hear him, but I did. "Just like everything else."

After Haymitch is done with breakfast, he walks into the living room where he passes out for a while, I don't think he's drunk, he's stopped drinking heavily when Kendall was born, he won't admit to it, but you certainly tell. I start to clean up, but when I don't hear Kendall's hungry or lonely cries, I start to get worried, Kendall always lets us know when she's hungry and sometimes if she gets really hungry, she'll let District 12 know she's hungry as well. I walk over to her crib and look inside to find nothing, she's way too young to crawl out by herself, so that can only mean one thing, Katniss took her with her. At first I panic, but Katniss does take Kendall into the woods with her daily. But when Katniss is mad, she will make bad choices.

As much as I love Katniss, and always will, she is the kind of person who reacts before she thinks, normally it wouldn't have been a big deal, but now since we have a six week old baby involved, it's worrying me deeply.

I decide not to wake Haymitch, so I leave the house and walk into town to the Bakery, the Bakery isn't open today, but I'll go visit Tyler and his family. It isn't a long walk, but it's a summer morning and I'm practically sweating before I'm even out of the Victor's Village. I get a lot of smiles from the people around town and I smile back, I'm tempted to ask them if they know if Katniss took Kendall out into the woods but I thought against it.

Once I'm at the bakery, I pull open the door to find it locked, I pull out my spare key and unlock the door. "Hey Tyler, I'm downstairs!" I yell up the stairs, I'm sure he's home, there really isn't anything for him to do in District 12.

"Hey Peeta, what brings you here today?" He asks giving me a 'man hug'. "Oh did you see the article written about Kendall in the newspaper today?" He asks like it isn't a big deal.

"That's where the problem is." I say and Tyler gives me a confused look, his look silently tells me to explain more. "Katniss doesn't want Kendall to be in the spot light so she got ticked off so she took Kendall into the woods about three or four hours ago and hasn't came back since." I say.

Tyler gives me a sympathetic look, and puts his left hand on my shoulder, "She'll come back, she always does. I mean she grew up in those woods." I nod.

"The only thing that scares me is now that we have a baby involved." I say.

Tyler stays downstairs and helps me some before he goes around town and asking if they need to order something from the bakery.

* * *

Since there isn't much to do, I start to bake downstairs in the kitchen, whenever I'm stressed I either bake or paint, and right now I'm baking. I figured might as well get a head start on tomorrow's orders. I keep looking nervously at the clock every five minutes. I know if she showed back home, and Haymitch was asleep, she would pour water over him, ticking him off, telling her that Bread Boy has been looking for her then she would come to the bakery to tell me she is back.

"She's fine Peeta, she knows the woods with her eyes closed." I say trying to comfort myself. "If she's not back by dusk then we will deal with it." I keep repeating those phrases to myself hoping that way I will convince myself she is fine.

Pretty soon six o'clock turned into seven o'clock and seven o'clock has turned into eight o'clock. I clean up the mess I made earlier from baking and head home. Katniss might be home, maybe Haymitch went home on his home. Who knows. When I turn the corner going into the Victor's Village and I can't see a light on in my home, I get a sick feeling in my stomach that makes me want to vomit. I run home and open the door to find Haymitch in the same place I found him earlier. I walk into the kitchen and pour a bucket of ice cold water over him.

"WHAT THE HELL SWEETHEART?" He yells, but once he gets a better look at me, he realizes I'm not Katniss, "Oh, seams like you've picked up on some of the things Katniss does to me." He starts to go on and on.

"Haymitch, Katniss hasn't come back yet. She's still in the woods." I plead to him. I'm sure you can hear the desperation in my voice. I can even feel a single tear fall from my eye. "It's not like her to stay out this late, even if she was upset about something. She knows the woods are too dangerous."

"Well, then lets go call the Justice Building to report a missing person." Haymitch suggests.

I do just that.

* * *

It doesn't take long before I have police and investigators at my house. We all are seated in the study.

"So why did Katniss storm off again?" An investigator asked. He seamed old, like he's been around for a while, looks old enough to have kids in their mid thirties, I wonder if his kids ever got reaped and died? I surely hope not, I wouldn't even wish that to my worst enemy.

"Because she saw an article in the newspaper about Kendall being born." I repeat.

"Why do you think she would have gone in the woods?" He asks.

Is this a joke? Do you not remember hearing on how Katniss would hunt for food, have you not seen her around town going to the entrance of the woods, it's where she always goes, happy or sad. It's her other home.

"It's where she has always gone, weather she mad or sad, happy or scared. It's her other home. She would go in there with dad and Gale before the rebellion." I state.

He wrights what I'm saying down onto his notepad. "Well thank you Mr. Mellark, but we'll have to start our investigation first thing tomorrow morning." He concludes and gets up.

"What why?" I ask in a demanding tone.

He walks over to the window and pulls aside the curtains, it's pouring down rain with an occasional clap of thunder and a bolt of lightning. "What will happen to Kendall." I ask hopelessly.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Katniss is taking good care of her. Get some sleep Mr. Mellark, we start looking for her tomorrow morning." He says sympathetically and leaves. Just like that.

I'm not sure if Haymitch has gone home, but I don't care. I slowly trudge up the stairs and get ready for bed. I pull on my pajamas, the bed seams cold without Katniss, it's going to be weird not waking up often to feed Kendall, and I slowly drift off to sleep paralyzed by nightmares I haven't faced in a while.


	17. Chapter 17

***this chapter has not been edited, so please bare with me, I just wanted to update. I'll try and go back to fix whatever mistakes there is.* I'm going to Georgia this weekend, I'M GOING TO GEORGIA WHERE THEY'RE FILMING MOCKINGJAY! I'M GOING TO THAT PART OF GEORGIA. Maybe I'll seen Jennifer Lawrence (probably not) because I'm only there for soccer.**

I walk cautiously down the streets of District 11 to their police station, I was shaking. It felt like I could drop Kendall at any moment. The streets are dark. Out of all of the districts, I think District 11 has changed the most since the Rebellion.

The people who still work in the fields, are no longer under constant twenty four hour surveillance. It's nice to see how much the districts have changed since the war for the good. But my mind always takes me back to when Peeta and I were here on our Victory Tour, how the poor old man was shot and killed for showing Peeta and I respect. And how Rue's litle sisters looked up to me, I'm not sure if they saw me as a women who killed their older sister. Or a girl who helped out their older sister. I wonder if her family still lives in District 11 or if they chose to start over in another District, rebuilt their lives.

I'm not really sure where the police station is here in District 11, but normally they are in the Justice Building or near it. I hold Kendall close to my chest, I'm sure she's exaughsted from probably little to no sleep. I kiss the brown fuzz on top of her head. I keep walking down through town until I see a large brick building which seems fair to assume it's the Justice Building.

I walk up to the stairs and see the moon light lights up the stairs, I look up to the moon. It's a full moon. "Strange things can happen under a full moon." I recall my dad telling me when I was young, probably around age 10.

I walk carefully up the stairs and open the doors to the Justice Building, I'm not really sure where I should go first, so I walk up to the front desk I guess you could call it.

"How may I help you." A dark skinned woman asked me, her eyes not leaving the computer screen.

I'm not sure on how I should start this, 'yes I'm Katniss and I'm here to turn myself in.' That only makes me sound like some sort of criminal.

"I um sort of went missing yesterday. With my daughter." I start, stuttering at each word, "But um I'm Katniss, and I guess I'm turning myself in." I say.

The lady finally looks up at me, she's maybe in her mid forties. She wears black eyeliner and black mascara. "Katniss, how on earth did you and your daughter end up in District 11?" She asks me.

"I'm not sure, we were pinned up in a tree by some wolf mutations then it started to rain so I started to walk back home but I guess I went in the wrong direction." I admit, I sound really stupid from this story. Katniss Everdeen, victoress of the 74th and 75th Hunger Games, lead the rebellion, was the mockingjay, and grew up in the woods got lost and ended up in a different district. Yep, I sound like a complete idiot.

"Do you have any idea on how worried your husband might be over you two?" She asks.

"I figured he's having a breakdown." I mumble. Kendall starts to move around some, I can only assume she's hungry.

"Well, I guess I'll call down law enforcement and they'll take you to a room to spend the night, in the meantime, you find someplace to sit and I'll get in contact with your husband." She demands.

* * *

It doesn't take long before law enforcement show up, I'm taken to a bedroom with a crib inside, I've been told that Peeta and Haymitch are on their way to District 11. The anxiety has been killing me. Waiting for them to show up. Peeta is always gentle, except from his flashbacks that occur hardly ever. But I'm nervous on how him and Haymitch will react. Will they yell for putting Kendall in such a dangerous posistion or will they just be glad we're both fine.

Kendall is in her crib while I lay in bed looking up at the ceiling. I hear her start to cry and pick her up. I comfort Kendall but she won't stop crying, I try to nurse her to see if she's hungry but she refuses. I can't imagine her teething already this young. I feel her forehead and she's burning up, probably caught a cold from being in the rain.

"Damn it." I say to myself. I've already agreed to see a doctor once I get home to make sure I haven't picked up any infections from my time in the woods, but I guess Kendall will also be seeing the doctor as well.

After about another hour, I manage to calm her crying down, she just whimpers every so often. My guess is she's miserable from the fever. I have a wet cloth on her forehead to help break the fever but so far, it's not really working.

"Your daddy is going to be so relieved to see us." I tell her. "And when you're older, I hope you don't remember on how awful of a mom I was. But your dad is the best in the world. He would do anything for you. For us." I stroke her brown hair, "When you get older, don't get annoyed at how over protective he might become, it's just that he lost all of his family, his mom, dad, and two older brothers. And we're all that he has left, and maybe Haymitch." I don't even realize that I'm crying until I feel the wet tears slide down my cheeks. "I dread the day that you find out about the Hunger Games and the roll that your dad and I played in them. And the rebellion." I sigh and stop talking. "That's enough heart to heart for the night don't you think?"

I hear the door open, I look up and see two figures standing in the door way, at first, I'm startled and not sure who they are, but once I hear the loud thuds their footsteps make, it's not doubt that it's Peeta and Haymitch. As they get closer, I can see the features they have on their faces, Peeta's eyes are red and puffy, no doubt from crying and to my surprise, I see Haymitch's eyes red and puffy as well.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." I keep repeating. Peeta comes and sits next to me on the bed I'm sitting up and wraps his arms around me and kisses me, first my head, then my neck and finally my lips. He kisses Kendall's forehead. We don't say anything for several minutes. We all stay silent.

"Not to ruin this moment here, but Sweetheart, how on earth did you end up in District 11?" He asks, I'm surprised his voice isn't filled with hatred, instead it's fulled with worry.

"Well, once I got into the woods, I was too mad to grab my bow and arrows and I went down a trail I haven't been down since before my first Games, and I found a tree house that Gale and I built long ago and soon we got trapped up there by wolf mutations and there were dozens of them, they tried to climb but couldn't so we were treed. But once it started to rain, they disapered, and I knew they could be back at any moment so I climbed down with Kendall and I started to walk the direction where I thought home was but I ended up here." Peeta still doesn't say anything but holds both me and Kendall even tighter.

I look over at Peeta and I realize he's crying, one part of me is surprised he isn't yelling at me for being so stupid, but then again he's probably just relieved that we're both okay.

"Well, are you okay?" Peeta asks. This is the first time he's spoken since he's been in the room.

"I'm fine. But the officals made me agree to get a doctor checkup when we get back to District 11, and Kendall needs to get one as well. I think she may have caught a cold." I admit. All of us are standing in an comfortable silence. None of us sure what to say and what not to say.

After about five minutes, Haymitch breaks the silence, "Well, we have a train waiting to take us home right now, so lets get on board and go back home."

Peeta and I both get up, I hand Kendall over to Peeta and she snuggles up against him. He holds Kendall against his chest and he grabs my right hand, grasping it tightly, I squeeze his hand, reassuring him that we're both going to be okay in the end.

Haymitch walks ahead of us leading us to the train station, since it's still late at night, no one is out roaming around the streets, thankfully, no one recognizes us. Haymitch hands us our train ticket and we board our train.

The train ride back to District 12 shouldn't be too long, maybe a few hours tops. We board the train and the whole time Peeta doesn't let my hand go, I wonder what he's thinking right now. What's going through his mind? Is he trying to fight off flashbacks? Or is he perfectly calm? Neither seam right to me. The train we board reminds me of the one we had going to our first Games, although it is highly unlikely, almost every capitol train looks the same, but it just feels familiar.

Peeta, Kendall, and I walk to our assigned room, Peeta lays Kendall down in the crib that was provided for us. I walk over to the bed that Peeta and I will be sleeping in tonight, I sit down on the bed watching Peeta's every movement. We finally make eye contact and neither of us know what to do. Do I apologize? I'm not sure.

He walks a little closer to me, never breaking eye contact. I can see how his eyes are red and puffy from crying, but his eyes still showing all the care and concern in the world. "I'm so sorry." I say to him suddenly breaking down in tears.

Peeta quickly walks over to my side and wraps his arms around me, "It's okay Katniss, it's done and over with." He soothes.

I wipe my tears off of my cheeks, "No it's not, I almost killed your daughter. And if she would have died, I don't know what I would have done." The tears still cascade over my face, Peeta doesn't say anything, he know's I'm right. If Kendall would have died, it would have been my fault. Even though Peeta doesn't want to say that to my face, he know's its true.

Peeta eventually lays me down under the covers in bed and he slips under the covers as well, he wraps his arms around me, I use his right bicep as my pillow and quickly fall asleep listening to the steady beat of his heart.

* * *

I don't remember much after falling asleep, only that Peeta woke me up and managed to get me to walk home from the train station while carrying Kendall. It's nice to be back in my own home, away from the outdoors from harms danger.

Peeta goes into work at the bakery, he said he felt bad that Tyler has been doing a lot of work recently and says he needs a short break, he assured me that if anything went wrong, to call him or Haymitch who is doing whatever that old man does.

Around noon, I'm bored out of my mind, Kendall is taking a nap. I want to go into the woods and clear my mind, but after the incident a few days ago, I don't think Peeta wants me back in the woods for a while, and I guess I will have to respect his opinion.

I walk over the mantle above the fire place and take down a book, the book is covered with dust, I can't remember the last time Peeta or I has opened or even touched it. On the first page it read:

_Dedicated to anyone who is important to us, dead or alive_

It's our memory book.

I carry the memory book over to the couch and begin to read it.

_Primrose Everdeen_

_-often called 'Prim'_

_-Beautiful_

_-too young to have died_

_-would have become a nurse, no doubt_

_-had the best traits our family had to offer_

_-loved an old cat named Buttercup_

_-Couldn't stand to kill an animal_

_-loved by everyone_

_-died at age 13_

_-reaped at age 12; I volunteerd for her. _

_-I would die for her_

_-Would have become the most amazing mother and aunt_

I start to shed a few tears at the memory of Prim. As her picture, Peeta and I used a picture days before I left for the Quarter Quell. I read Gale's page, Finnick's, Haymitch's, My parents, Peeta's family. I flip the page after looking at Peeta's family, I decide to go through the names and descriptions of the tributes Haymitch mentored before us.

_Natalie Dowdy (51st Hunger Games)_

_-12 years old_

_-from the Merchant side of town_

_-could brighten anyone's day _

_-blue eyes_

_-blonde hair _

I don't know how Haymitch did it, but he had a picture of every tribute he mentored and he still remembered almost everything about them.

Andrew Spain (51st Hunger Games)

-17 years old

-also from the Merchant side of town

-quiet, but a nice guy

-grey eyes

-blonde hair

I keep reading through the pages and brief descriptions about the tributes, but the the tributes of the 59th Hunger Games is what really caught my eye,

_Beatrice Day (59th Hunger Games)_

_-Merchant's daughter_

_-dirty blonde hair_

_-green eyes_

_-16 years old_

_-eight months pregnant, expecting a baby boy _

_-died, both mother and child_

_-Other District 12 tribute, is her baby daddy_

I never knew that a tribute was pregnant during the Games, and it sickens me knowing that not only an innocent person dies in the Games, but also a little unborn baby, and her baby daddy is also going into the Games. I want to think what did they both do to both be reaped the same year for the Games, yeah, they may have their name in a few extra times, but it's too much of a coincidence.

I keep reading the book until I hear Kendall's faint cries.

**Hi guys, I'm so busy it's not even funny. But here's the next chapter, I'm not sure when I'll be able to update next, but hopefully soon. Thanks for all you readers out there maybe even you readers want to leave a review? **


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry for the long wait, but here's the next chapter (: **

***I dont own the Hunger Games!***

I walk with Kendall down to the train station, Kendall turns one next week and my mom managed to find time to come and celebrate with us, this is the first time Mom has seen Kendall since she was born. I'm both nervous and excited to see her. The train station isn't far from where we live in the Victor's Village. I dressed Kendall in a cute bright pink onesie with some closed toed shoes.

I've been carrying Kendall about half way before I feel her pat my shoulder, I look over at her and she starts going off in her own language, "Mommy down." She commands.

"You want me to put you down?" I ask her a little confused on what she originally wanted.

She nods her head, I put her down, the past couple of weeks, she's been able to walk by herself, she's been walking for months, but only if Peeta or I hold one of her hands. It takes her a few steps before Kendall gains her balance, I still hold her hand because the ground is a little bumpy and the last thing I want is for her to skin her knee.

I watch her brown curls bounce up and down, as we walk. She's so beautiful, just everything about her. How she walks on her chubby toddler legs, how she doesn't prefer the woods over going to work with Peeta, the way she sleeps and just the smallest little details.

We don't walk much longer before I feel a small pair of hands tug on my shirt, "Up Mommy." Kendall says, this walk in the sun must have tired her out. I reach down and pick her up and finish the walking to the train station.

I look at her and see the innocent look in her face as she watches for the train, she's only been on a train once, when she was about six weeks old. "Who's coming on the train Kendall?" I ask her.

She turns around and looks at me with her glistening blue eyes, the eyes that are almost identical to Peeta's. "Gramma." She says in an eager voice.

"Yes, your Grandma is coming to visit you, and she loves you very very much." I reply back to her.

"Train." Kendall points to a train that is now quickly approaching the train station.

The train slows down and the doors open allowing hundreds of passengers to flee out of the train's cramped conditions. Some people you can clearly tell what districts the originate from according to some of their physical traits like Districts' 4 trademark green eyes.

I see an elder women make her way through town, she still has her blonde hair and blue eyes, it's my mom. And I smile as soon as she walks over to where Kendall and I are sitting. I stand up and hug her tight, even though we had our fights, and our major fight that lasted for years, I'm beyond happy and blessed that she didn't die along with the rest of the loved ones that Peeta and I lost.

"Katniss, it's so nice to see you." Mom says and smiles brightly, "Now who is this?" She asks looking at Kendall.

Kendall, who is normally bright and outspoken seems to be quiet and nervous to meet her Grandma for the first time she can recall. Kendall buries her head into the crook of my neck, "Say hi, you were excited earlier and wouldn't stop talking on the way here." I whisper into Kendall's ear but loud enough for Mom to hear me.

I look back up at Mom and see her still smiling, I haven't seen her smile like this in forever. Kendall turns her head so she faces Grandma, "Hi." She whispers.

Mom, Kendall, and I walk through town and meet Peeta at his bakery stopping by for lunch. "Always a pleasure to see you Mrs. Everdeen." Peeta says being his normal polite self.

"Same to you Peeta." Mom nods, "I must say, Kendall is going to have the boys lined up, maybe she'll meet her partner the first day of school." Mom says referencing to how Peeta fell in love with me on the first day of school.

"Nope, she is not dating until she is sixteen." Peeta replies back and smiles and me and I roll my eyes at him

* * *

Later on in the day, I show Mom her room that she will be staying in for the next week, she insists that she watches Kendall while Peeta and I go out for the night since we both have become full time parents and have had no time for just the two of us.

Peeta and Mom must have planned this earlier because Peeta knows exactly where he is going. "Peeta please tell me where we are going." I plead out to him. He shakes his head, not saying a word and continues to lead me to wherever we are going.

We keep walking through the District, Peeta still won't tell me where we are going. "We're hear." Peeta whispers in my ear that sends shivers up my spine even though it is a warm mid June night in District 12, at first I can't tell where this is at, but soon I realize it's the memorial for all the Tributes that District 12 had to sacrifice for the Games all those years ago. I normally don't bother to visit this place, just because of all the memories that are tied to the Games that remain here.

"I know this brings back bad memories, but I also think this brings up good memories." Peeta states, I can tell Peeta has been planning this dinner because I can see the food already set up and some candles used for light.

I smile and lean over and kiss Peeta on the cheek. "I love you Peeta." I tell him.

"I love you too Katniss." He sits down pulling me down with him, he wraps a protective arm around me loosely and we begin to eat our dinner.

"I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would be married and have a daughter, but I wouldn't change it for the world." I say to Peeta and he smiles at me.

"I still can't believe she'll be a year old next week."

"I know, it's crazy. Just to think how miserable I was last year." I laugh at how bloated and ugly I felt when I was in my later stages of my pregnancy.

"I thought you looked beautiful watching you wable around knowing that you're carrying my child." Peeta playfully punches my arm and I can't help but smile. Peeta won't say it, I know he wont, but I know he wants another baby, it doesn't take an expert to know that is what he wants. I feel a little nervous because I don't think I'm ready for another baby, I'm not even sure if I want another baby, I mean it did take us a long time just for me to get pregnant the first time.

"Those weren't my peak times." I admit which makes Peeta smile.

"So when were your peak times?" Peeta jokes back.

"Good point." I reply.

We sit in a silence that's not awkward, neither of us just know what to say. We continue to finish up the dinner that was prepared and continue to relax, enjoying a night to ourselves.

"It's weird not having Kendall with us." Peeta says suddenly breaking the silence.

"I know, I never thought I would love her as much as I do. She really found a place in my heart." I admit.

"But you're still glad you said 'real' all those years ago?" Peeta asks, probably out of curisity.

I decide to tease him a little before reply, taking a while to respond, "Yeah, she's the perfect combination between you and me. She's just perfect in every way."

Peeta smiles and looks down, yep, he deffinantly wants another baby and that movement just confirmed it to me. I don't want to deny him of another baby, I'm just not ready for two babies, I'm not even sure if I want another baby. But I also feel bad for Peeta, I'm sure he wanted a big family since he was a kid himself, but one kid is better than no kid, right?

* * *

The next week is hectic, my mom watches over Kendall most of the day, Peeta and I are trying to wean her off of breastfeeding, even though I still breastfeed her once or twice a day. Peeta and I walk through town, both of us wondering what should we get Kendall for her birthday. Although we don't have money troubles, we don't want to spoil her. We invited Annie and her son Finnick, Johanna, Gale and his family to come back to District 12 to celebrate her birthday with us.

"What do you think she wants?" I ask Peeta, my right hand grasping a hold of his left hand. We walk through the town where all the shops are, many people smile and wave at us and we return the smile and hello too. I wonder if people in District 12 remember that Kendall's birthday is this week, I'm sure the people in the capitol do, we haven't seen any pictures or articles about Kendall since that day.

"I'm not sure someone who is turning one would be that demanding." Peeta smartly replies.

"I know, I just want her to have better birthdays then I ever had, I was lucky if I got new clothes or some type of desert." I reply back, I really want to make sure all her birthdays and holidays are special just because I wasn't and even Peeta didn't have that great of a childhood.

"I guess we could just make a list on what makes her happy." Peeta suggests.

"Well, being in the woods makes her happy, dolls, baking, people, spending time with us, painting." I make a list aloud, "But I don't know what we could get her that would include some of that."

"I guess we could get her some paint and some dolls. Your mom said she brought some gifts and plus if Finnick, Annie, Johanna, and Gale come, she'll have more than enough presents."

Peeta and I agree on that, I buy her some dolls and Peeta bought her some nontoxic paint, she'll already be around people all day.

* * *

On the day of Kendall's first birthday, Peeta and I wake Kendall up together, she's getting better at sleeping through the whole night, which is a relief to me. I wonder if she knows if today is special or if it is just another day in Kendall's World.

"Kendall wake up." I coax, she slowly opens her eyes up and looks up at Peeta and I, her beautiful blue eyes look straight up at us, "It's your birthday." She smiles and giggles some.

"Momma." She chirps in her high pitched toddler voice, even though she has been saying two word sentences or small words, I cannot get enough of hearing her voice, it always brightens up my day, no matter what happened.

Peeta picks her up and we both walk downstairs, he places her in her highchair while he starts to make breakfast, we let my mom sleep in and wake up when she pleases.

I'm about to ask Peeta when everyone would start to show up when Haymitch walked in the kitchen, "Today's the kid's birthday." He lets out, I can tell he may slightly be hangover from whatever event happened from last night, because I can smell the alcohol, but today is a rough day for him, as it is for Peeta and I. Today was the Reaping Day, although it was always horrible for Peeta and I, I can only imagine how much it hurts Haymitch because he was the mentor for the tributes, on these very days, Haymitch would receive two teenage tributes, mentor them as best as he can, but only watch them get killed in the Arena until Peeta and I became his tributes.

"It's nice to see you too, Haymitch." Peeta calls out.

Later in the afternoon, Annie, Finnick Jr., Johanna, and Gale and his family shows up, Johanna and her husband Sam show up with their three year old daughter, Caroline Reece, she may be very young, but she has the determination and will power of her mother.

Gale's twin boys looked idenitcle to him when they were younger, but now I'm starting to see that Alexander and Conner now favor their mother more in terms of looks, but his daughter, Addalynn, looks like a female version of Gale.

And Finnick Jr, he looks like his father, he could be his father's twin, if you didn't know Finnick Sr, you would think Finnick Jr. is him. I don't know how Annie can even look at Finnick Jr without crying her eyes out, but she has been looking at him for 16 years now, hard to believe that on this day 16 years ago, there was the Reaping for the Quell. Time really does fly, I'm 33 years old, an adult.

Peeta invited Tyler and his family to Kendall's party, I mean, they're practically family. Their eldest daughter, Ashley is stunning, I believe she is 16 maybe 17. Their other son Luke, has blonde hair and sea green eyes, he's 9 years old, their second son, Cole, also has green eyes, but dark brown hair, he's 7, and finally their youngest daughter, Molli is 3, blonde hair and blue eyes, just like a merchant would be. I remember when Tyler first started working at the bakery, his wife was heavily pregnant with Ashley when they both were just 16 years of age, and I look at them now and how far they have come is incredible. Tyler's whole family died during the bombings of District 12, while the Games were going on, and his wife's parents aren't supportive, I'm pretty sure they have never met their four beautiful grandchildren.

Ashley and Finnick Jr. are both watching Kendall, walking around and doing whatever Kendall feels like doing. I see the way Finnick Jr. looks at Ashley, I wonder if he has a small crush developed on her, I know Tyler and his family traveled to District 4 to see the 'family', but I wonder if they are dating, but a long distance relationship because she seems to return the same look. The way her face lights up around the children, especially Kendall, is just priceless. The rest of the children are playing a game of tackle football giving us adults some time to catch up, normally, we have Thanksgiving and Christmas with each other, but since Kendall was young and it was our turn to travel, it didn't feel like the best time to, but I'm glad everyone is here now.

Annie still tunes in and out of this world into her own, I wonder about her, I wonder if Finnick knows about the Games, if he knows that his father died protecting me.

After a few hours, we begin to give Kendall her gifts, Mom got her some doll houses, Tyler and his family gave her some baking toys, Gale and his family gave her some books, Haymitch gave her a swing set, Johanna and her family gave her some movies, and Annie and Finnick Jr. gave her a pearl necklace for when she is older, Peeta gave her paints and I gave her dolls. Even though she is young, I hope she knows how fortunate she is.

After a long day, we're having Mom, Annie, Finnick Jr., and Johanna and her family stay with Peeta and I. After everyone has gone up to bed, it's just Finnick Jr. and I on the sofa, he's watching some t.v. show while I'm reading a book, it's silent until Finnick Jr. speaks up.

"Katniss?" Finnick Jr. nervously asks. I look up at him signalling him to ask the question, "What was my dad like? I know what he did for the Country and all, I learned about it in school because Mom would never tell me. Everyone tells me I look like him, but I don't what he was like, people have only told me that I look like him."

I think about that question, I'm sure Annie won't tell him completely on what Finnick Sr. was like, it would surely bring back up too bad of memories, I wonder how many people he's asked that question to, I feel bad for him, people must compare him to his father all the time, so instead of giving the description of him, I give him a short and sweet one, "He was the most selfless, bravest, most courageous, and funniest man I've every met, all weaved into one man." I say to him, Finnick Jr. nods his head, like he understands.

I get up off the couch and grab our memory book and hand it to Finnick Jr, "You're dad is somewhere in that book, try and find him. When you're done just put it back on the shelf over the fireplace." I tell Finnick Jr. before I head up to bed.

**Nothing too exciting happening here, but hopefully there will be a minor/major plot twist happening. I didn't really edit this so so sorry for any mistakes. Love all of you to the moon and back :***


	19. Chapter 19

**Here's the next chapter! I'm not sure how much longer I'm going to make this story, but I know I want to do mini stories or oneshots of Toast Babies, but enjoy this chapter (:**

I really hate to see everyone go, Annie and her son Finnick Jr. are the last of our guests from Kendall's first birthday party to return back to their home district, even though Kendall's birthday party was a month ago, Annie and Finnick Jr. stayed to visit a little longer. My suspicion about Ashley and Finnick Jr. dating has been confirmed. I can see how Finnick Jr. looks at her and how Ashley looks at him, sort of like the way I would look at Peeta or Peeta would look at me. Peeta started working again at the bakery full time and with no company in the house, it's just Kendall and I. Kendall's sentences are still one worded and most of the time it's some sort of baby talk language, but she sure does love to talk.

I occasionally take Kendall out into the woods, it has been blazing hot outside, although I am used to have this hot of summers, Kendall isn't and I really don't want to risk her health because of my need to hunt.

I normally will make lunch for myself and sometimes I'll make some food for Kendall, so far weaning her off of breast feeding hasn't been easy, she's a stubborn one, and Peeta always laughs when I give Kendall the eye sometimes, which Kendall will often return.

"Come on Kendall, you have to eat your applesauce." I urge her.

"No." She pouts and puts her head down.

'No', is her new favorite word, she hasn't known it long, but she constantly uses, I'm not even 100% sure she even knows what it means. "Kendall Paisley Mellark, you will eat your lunch." I tell her sternly, I hold up the spoon to turn her mouth and she turns away. I sigh and realize this is going to be a long afternoon.

The doorbell rings and Kendall perks her head straight up, "Who is that?" I ask Kendall but also myself, we normally don't get any visitors during the day or actual very few visitors in general. I'm a little reluctant to go to the door but decide against it.

When I open the door, I see Ashley, Tyler's eldest daughter outside our door. She looks nervous, very nervous, not her normal carefree look that she normally always has on her face. "Hey, you okay Ashley?" I ask her.

She nods her head, but it doesn't take someone smart to know that she isn't okay, that something heavy is on her mind, "Can I talk to you? Like Godmother to Goddaughter?" I can tell Ashley is on the verge of tears, I can't imagine what she is thinking and going through right now.

I lead her inside to the kitchen where Kendall happily chirps at Ashley, I see Ashley give Kendall a faint smile. I fix some tea for the both of us, Ashley plays with Kendall some before turning her attention to me. "Thank you." Ashley says faintly.

"What's wrong?" I ask her, "You know you can tell me anything right?" Ashley nods her head, "Then what is it?"

She looks down at her lap, like she is ashamed on what she is about to tell me, "It was only once, I never thought anything could happen, it was my first time and it was his too. I mean what are the chances?" Kendall starts to say. She's going real fast, going from one thought to another, I can tell she's crying, although she's trying to hide it.

"Ashley, slow down, focus on one thought." I put my hand on top of her's to add comfort and trust to this situation.

"Katniss, I'm pregnant." She confesses to me.

I'm filled with tons of emotions, should I be happy for her? Should I be mad at her? I'm not sure, I'm not her mother but I am happy for her, "I'm assuming Finnick is the father." I asked.

She nods her head, "My mom is going to kill me." Ashley whines through her tears.

"How far along are you?" I ask her, I may not be adding any comfort to this situation, but I am deffinantly curious.

"We did it the first night he came to District 12, so maybe about five weeks." Ashley calculates.

"Have you seen a doctor yet?" I ask her.

"No."

"Well, I'll take you to the doctors, but after that you have to promise you'll tell your mom and dad, the baby is very small, but trust me, it still needs a lot of care." I explain to her.

She promises.

I pick up Kendall, and the three of us walk to the hospital on the other side of town, we avoid the bakery in any way we can, it probably would raise suspicions if we're going to the hospital especially with Ashley with us.

The district is still very hot out considering it is almost August, if the Games were still going on, and the winning tribute would have arrived home about last week and the festivities would be wrapping up around now, but luckily, there is no more of that.

"Did you use protection?" I spoke up breaking the silence. Kendall has been quiet for a while now, I wonder if she comprehend some of the words we're saying.

"No." Ashley says, her voice filled with shame, "It was my first time, and it was also his first time. I never thought it was a possibility."

"Does Finnick know yet?" I ask and she shakes her head before she begins to cry some more, "Don't cry Ashley. Everything will be alright. If it's not alright, then it's not the end." I tell her. Back all those years ago, when Peeta was in the hands of the capitol, and I really needed him, Haymitch would always tell me that, 'everything will always be okay in the end, if it's not okay, then it's not the end.', it may be like a childish quote, but it comforted me in ways that only Peeta could comfort me in.

"What if he leaves me? What if he yells and blames me for this happening?" She questions.

"You just can't think like that, you're thinking of the worst possibility, but remember when the both of you were playing with Kendall? How both of your eyes lit up around her? Your baby may be coming earlier into this world than you expected, but that means you can love him/her a little longer." I comfort.

The walk to the hospital remains in silence, I sign Ashley in while I hold Kendall on one of my hips, she loves looking around in here and looking and giggling at all the new people she may not recognize. There are a few other people in the room, one of them looks like she has be carrying triplets. Another is looking like she may throw up her guts at any second, but luckily, none of them seam to be paying attention to us.

I walk back to sit down next to Ashley is a nervous wreck right now, "What are you worried about?" I ask her.

"My parents." She briefly says. "I wonder how they'll react, if they'll be happy or sad, mad or disappointed."

"Well, they both had you when they were 16 or 17, so they'll have to understand. If you were my daughter, I would be disappointed, but I would support you because of a rough time you are going through and how stressful it would be." I put my free hand on her knee hoping to had some comfort.

"Ashley? Please follow me." A young nurse calls out. Ashley, Kendall and I follow her where she takes Ashley's weight and temperature. She leads us down a series of hallways before we arrive at our room, "The doctor should be with you shortly." The nurse says and then leaves.

Ashley sits on the patient seat and looks down at her toes, Kendall starts to talk her baby talk and I just sit there quietly trying to evaluate the situation. I really hope that Ashley won't get an abortion, she can't, adoption maybe, but abortion is out of the question I hope.

We don't have much time to ourselves before the doctor comes in, "I'm Dr. Roth, it's nice to meet you two." Dr. Roth is probably middle aged, maybe mid thirties.

I shake Dr. Roth's hand and Ashley smiles at her, "From what I understand, Ashley, you are pregnant, am I correct?" Dr. Gray asks her. Ashley gives her a shameful nod. "May I ask how old you are?"

"16." Ashley mumbles still looking down at her feet, embarrassed about her situation. Dr. Roth asks a few more questions before moving on.

"If I could have you lay down, that would be perfect." Dr. Roth comments, Ashley lays down on the bed and pulls up her shirt, Dr. Roth spreads some gel on her stomach, I remember that, the gel on how cold it felt. Dr. Roth has the wand instrument moving around to find a heartbeat, soon a loud gush fills the room. "I'd say that is a healthy heartbeat." Dr. Roth smiles and so does Ashley, a truthful smile, not some fake smile that she has been putting on.

Dr. Roth prescribes her some pills to take since she is very young, we walk back from the hospital in silence, "How am I ever supposed to tell me family? And Finnick?"

I sigh, I really don't know how to help her on this one, all she can do is really hope for the best. "You have to tell them eventually, tonight, we can all have dinner together, your parents won't be as harsh if Peeta, Kendall and I are there." I recommend.

Ashley thinks about that for a few minutes because it takes her a little longer to reply than I thought, "Okay, but do you promise you'll stick with me?" She pleads out to me. It breaks my heart seeing her like this, normally Ashley is a bright young and caring teenager. But in nine months, she'll be responsible for another life, even at 33 I wasn't ready for that and Ashley is 16.

Like I said earlier, we would have a big dinner to announce her pregnancy, I agreed to host it surprising everyone. Ashley spent the rest of the day with Kendall and I. Ashley doesn't say too much, and when she does, it's questions about my experience carrying Kendall.

At around six, we got all of Ashley's family settled down in the dining room for dinner, I softly kick Ashley underneath the table to let her know that it's time. She looks up with me with nervous eyes, pleading for me to make the first move. Her eyes are filled with concern and worry and I can't not help her out a little.

"Everyone, Ashley has an announcement she would like to make." I announce to the room filled with people.

I look down at Ashley who gives me a nervous smile, before she speaks up, "I'm not sure how to explain this or anything. I guess the easiest thing to say is that, I am um, pregnant." Ashley mumbles 'pregnant' quietly. Ashley is staring at her plate avoiding eye contact with everyone, especially her parents, which don't blame her, I wouldn't want to have eye contact with my parents after I just told them I'm going to be a teen parent.

No one speaks up, the room is dead silent, almost too quiet. Ashley finally looks up from her plate. Crying. Her parents still are not saying anything, I guess they are letting the information sink in that they will become grandparents much earlier in life than they probably expected.

"Are you mad?" Ashley asks wiping her tears off of her face. Her parents both look at each other, I guess neither of them wanting to say the wrong thing.

"I guess we're more disappointed than mad." Her mother says finally speaking up. I can tell now that she is also crying, but trying to hold in her tears trying to be strong for her daughter. I look over at Peeta, I can tell he deffinantly wasn't expecting this kind of news, but I can also see the relief in his eyes that he is very thankful that Kendall isn't in this type of situation. I can't even imagine helping a teenage girl through a pregnancy with the baby daddy not even present, even though Finnick Jr. has no clue what is going on right now.

* * *

Ashley stars spending more and more time with Kendall and I, she still hasn't told Finnick Jr. that he is soon to be a daddy, I think she's still waiting until she is showing more, but it won't be too much longer before that happens. I show her on chancing diapers and just the basics of being a mom. Even though Ashley isn't my daughter, I've known her her whole life, and I can't help but to worry about her when she can no longer hide her baby bump and she has to go to school. I can only imagine how hard that will be for her.

"When are you going to tell Finnick Jr. that he's going to be a dad?" I ask her while feeding Kendall some squashed carrots.

"I don't know, him and Annie aren't coming back to District 12 until Christmas, but he was saying how Annie might now be traveling much longer, I guess she really is starting to miss Finnick Sr. even more now. But I don't want to tell him over phone because I feel like that is horrible."

I see why Ashley doesn't want to tell Finnick Jr. he's going to be a dad over the phone, I mean I would hate to find out that way too. But he has to find out soon, he deserves to know, it's half of his fault that there is a baby growing inside of Ashley right now.

**Big question, what should be the gender of Ashley and Finnick Jr.'s baby? Should it be a boy or a girl or twins? I'm not sure. Oh and to all of you amazing fellow readers, would you guys be kind and follow me on instagram laura_day00**


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